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James Bond Parody, 2nd edition! - Add one sentence

24

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  • dominicgreenedominicgreene The Eternal QOS Defender
    Posts: 1,756
    "Q, what equipment could I possibly need other than my penis?" Winked 007.
  • Some_Kind_Of_HeroSome_Kind_Of_Hero
    Posts: 6,844
    "A few more venereal diseases and I suppose you'll be asking for a replacement for that, too," Q remarked.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    " here 007, take this tube of barrier cream, and this tub of ky jelly, also here's the keys to your new car" q handed over the equipment adding....
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    ".... Before you leave 007, due to cut backs I have to tell you that this time, you'll be
    Paying your own insurance, so take care of it "
  • mcdonbbmcdonbb deep in the Heart of Texas
    Posts: 4,116
    "Right... now to wait for Q to return with my bullets. Preferably rinsed and dried. Sir..."
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    "right 007, I'm afraid your bullets have shrunk in the wash, so you'll have to use this peashooter, delivery like a marble through a soggy newspaper, don't worry though you'd still be able to bring down a helicopter with it" states q handing over bonds ordinance.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    "they even have a fresh summer scent " said Bond approvingly.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    Q eyed bond with a look that could only be described as a mixture of contempt and pure unbridled wanton lust, " right then 007 that's about it, good look in the field" he said gathering his composure.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    "Don't I get any of that intelligent beer, The Smart Bud ?" Bond asked quizzically.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    "Yes Bond and we rely on you to be your usual alcoholic self," Q said, "so please keep it in your bloodstream at all times."
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    " now on your way 007, tanner has your Ryan air tickets, and a packed lunch to take on board, those planes never have any food you know, oh and go easy on the Tom Ford's, you've only got a 15kg luggage allowance and her majesty's government will not pay for excess baggage" with that bond turned on his heel and left qs laboratory.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    Tanner was in Moneypenny's office as he gave 007 his tickets.
  • dominicgreenedominicgreene The Eternal QOS Defender
    Posts: 1,756
    Bond, on the way to airport, was piqued at the idea that too many Tom Ford suits was enough. Not to mention the fact he still had 13 Brunello Cucinelli belts and pocket squares on order at Mr. Porter's website. He had contemplated he might need a polo for the trip. "Maybe one for 12 quid is enough." he thought. He stopped in central London for a Bond-Afternoon-Out, and later spent 900 dollars for his Tom Ford polo instead, putting it on Q's bill.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    He also picked up five lighters for a pound.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    Somebody knows his clothes........ :)

    Each memeber of MI6 Community had a strict monthly budget allotted for buying clothes, and now Q would have no choice but to live and work in those tight tight pajamas he threatened Bond with this morning.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    The Ryanair flight touched down only a few miles from Bond's destination, taking a taxi
    Bond arrived at his Hotel.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    Though he hadn't smoked since the eighties when he was more reminiscent of a certain literary character
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    Bond took out an E cigarette and began vaping.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    Bond was huffing the electric juice as he entered the Nobil Luxury Hotel in Chisinau, Moldova - where soon tonight he would meet up with Miss Getzer Pantzov.

    chisi_21.jpg
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    Through the strawberry scented vapour exhaled by bond a woman approached with a wry smile on her face " Mr bond? I'm miss tonin, please call me Sarah"
    " Sarah tonin, you don't strike me as a moody type, " Bond quipped shaking hands " I saw you earlier following me, I've been fully briefed" Bond looked her up and down savouring her tight outfit.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    " God, I wish I could wear that with those heels " thought Bond.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    "Quit squeezing my hand so hard please," she said
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    "let's have a drink and talk things over " she added.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    edited August 2016 Posts: 1,296
    As they headed to their hotel restaurant to talk about the mission Bond remarkled,
    "So whats up with your name anyway? Sarah Tonin? I do hope you gave your parents hell for that."
    "What can I say I'm just a feelgood woman," she blathered.
    "Hm I can see that," said Bond with a giggle, "But I may have to verify it as well." :)
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    edited July 2016 Posts: 13,384
    They were directed by a waiter to the bar
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    Noticing the large bulge in bonds trousers,
    " and maybe after Mr bond I could get to grips with that"
    " dont get excited miss tonin that's just my peashooter" Bond released Sarahs hand and lead the way to razors, his favourite bar.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    "So why does a man choose the username Bond, James Bond?" Sarah asked .
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    Bond looked at Sarah and considered his answer, " well it's easy to remember" he replied
  • Some_Kind_Of_HeroSome_Kind_Of_Hero
    Posts: 6,844
    "It wasn't really my choice," Bond explained. "It's sort of a codename we all get stuck with." He went on to ask to the barman for a glass of Chardonnay, thoroughly shaken, mentioning that he rather enjoys the sweet tang of grape.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    "I crush my own, between my thighs " said Sarah.
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