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The Bond Movies & Actors I Can't Stand (Negativity Only Please)

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  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    Good point. I did like seeing Octopussy's home, though. That was lovely and cool looking.
    But yes, the whole bed of nails bit, too! Ouch! (pun intended) Cliches galore ...
  • HASEROTHASEROT has returned like the tedious inevitability of an unloved season---
    Posts: 4,399
    4EverBonded wrote: »
    Good point. I did like seeing Octopussy's home, though. That was lovely and cool looking.
    But yes, the whole bed of nails bit, too! Ouch! (pun intended) Cliches galore ...

    that was the Moore era for you...
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    And yet I love Roger's Bond. I do. :) Oh I cannot really say that on this thread!!

    So yeah, those stupid OTT crappy humor moments I cannot stand those! (true) Mainly in MR, I must say.
  • DrShatterhandDrShatterhand Garden of Death, near Belfast
    Posts: 805
    4EverBonded wrote: »
    And yet I love Roger's Bond. I do. :) So yeah, those stupid OTT crappy humor moments I cannot stand those! (true) Mainly in MR, I must say.

    Exactly, this is what makes most of Moore's films so infuriating. Just when the tension is building in a scene , they chuck in the Beach Boys or the Tarzan yodel or a hover gondola or a nuclear bomb being defused by a soddin clown.

  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    The clown I get; don't mind that. But everything else mentioned, yeah. Those stink.

    I had not really thought much about AVTAK yet on this thread. But the insertion of "California Girls" ranks up there as one of the worst moments for sure.
  • patricepatrice
    Posts: 6
    Apart from the Daniel Kleinman title sequence I can not think of anything decent to say about Die Another Day!
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    edited January 2015 Posts: 17,823
    Murdock wrote: »
    chrisisall wrote: »
    doubleohdad wrote: »
    TND just falls apart right after the HALO jump. Right off the table.
    TND falls apart right after the plane ejection seat gag. It's a mess. It has no story, a stupid villain, a derivative henchman, a bad score, a terrible Moneypenny, a crappy M, a nasty little Danish, a bad title song, worse credits, a weak Bond girl, bad colour, sad locations, lacking fight scenes, bad production, terrible conclusion, and it smelled like haggis.

    Be Serious @chrisisall...all this Brosnan bashing is bad for my health... :((
    Sorry, I just wanna be one of the cool kids...
  • SarkSark Guangdong, PRC
    Posts: 1,138
    DrShatterhand wrote: »

    Exactly, this is what makes most of Moore's films so infuriating. Just when the tension is building in a scene , they chuck in the Beach Boys or the Tarzan yodel or a hover gondola or a nuclear bomb being defused by a soddin clown.

    This is exactly why I want to use to some free time to make some fan edits of the Moore movies. So many of the dumb gags that bring them down could be excised very easily.
  • GetafixGetafix
    Posts: 11,425
    patrice wrote: »
    Apart from the Daniel Kleinman title sequence I can not think of anything decent to say about Die Another Day!

    It features a great cameo from Robinson Crusoe.

    Btw, does Bond cut his own hair with the Philishave?
  • doubleohdaddoubleohdad
    Posts: 1,146
    DrShatterhand wrote: »
    4EverBonded wrote: »
    Really? I love Dr. K. And TND. But enough positives.

    Just for you, though, @Benny, I'm going to rag on what I intensely dislike about Octopussy.

    The Tarzan yell
    Bond telling the tiger to "Sit!"
    The "tennis match" scene
    Motorized rickshaws
    The curry quip
    The whole elephant hunt stuff
    The insipid, uninspiring, almost sleep inducing title song
    Fake crocodile sub
    Vijay's death

    To this list of OP hate (ooh I like this), can I add EVERYTHING that happens in India. Not only does it feature every snake-charming sword-swollowing bed-of-nails tiger-hunting cliche known to man, the only reason we go there is for Kamal Khan, who turns out to be completely bloody irrelevant.

    Yes, all this. I hope that the new films go back to India and we get a better experience and story. This was like the Blake Edwards version.
  • doubleohdaddoubleohdad
    Posts: 1,146
    DrShatterhand wrote: »
    4EverBonded wrote: »
    And yet I love Roger's Bond. I do. :) So yeah, those stupid OTT crappy humor moments I cannot stand those! (true) Mainly in MR, I must say.

    Exactly, this is what makes most of Moore's films so infuriating. Just when the tension is building in a scene , they chuck in the Beach Boys or the Tarzan yodel or a hover gondola or a nuclear bomb being defused by a soddin clown.

    Bingo!

    Moore film rule number one: If anything cool happens, something campy right out of the olde batman show must happen to completely undercut it.
  • thelivingroyalethelivingroyale
    edited January 2015 Posts: 12,837
    I hate the Thunderball PTS. In fact I'd say it's one of the worst in the series. The JB on the coffin is a cheap trick that nobody would ever actually fall for anyway. The jetpack is stupid and it looks naff, even if it was real, and Bond looks like a dick with the helmet on. Also, why is it there? Did Bond fly it there to get in? If so wouldn't that have attracted a shit load of attention? And what's the point if it can only fly a short distance anyway? It seems impractical and pointless as well as unrealistic and silly. Also, there is no reason at all for the SPECTRE agent to attend his own funeral. It's sloppy writing. And Bond deduces who he really is simply based on him opening a car door? That's really dumb, he got lucky, there's a good chance he could have ended up punching an innocent grieving widow. Also, the fight is unimpressive. It's just stuff being broken and knocked over. Lots of crashing and banging but the fight itself is meh, disappointing from the people who bought us Bond vs Grant. And then there's the water gadget on the DB5. Another naff gadget and a poor transition into the title sequence.

    I don't like Naomi Harris as Moneypenny. At all. She's wooden, she has terrible line delivery at times and the lack of chemistry between her and Daniel Craig makes the flirting cringe worthy (compare them to Maxwell and Connery, or Bond and Brosnan). I remember before SF, I thought Naomi would end up being the better Bond girl (sonce Berenice hadn't done much acting before). But Berenice blew me away, she was brilliant despite not getting much screen time and she's now my favourite Bond girl of all time. Naomi on the other hand really didn't impress me at all. Hope she has less screentime in SP.

    I also hate the way Tanner has been handled in the films. In the books he was an ex military man who was mates with Bond. In the films he used to just be a bland guy who stood in M's office some times and now he's just a dull exposition/product placement man. I hated it when he was cowering behind the desk in the SF courtroom shootout. Tanner was a war hero in the books, but in the film his boss is in danger and he hides behind a desk the whole time? They turned Moneypenny, a secretary, into this kick ass woman of action so why not do the same with Tanner?

    The best Tanner was by far Colin Samone in the Brosnan films, he was great, I really liked him. I know his character wasn't actually called Tanner but he basically was. He hung around with M, he was friends with Bond and when shit went down he could handle himself well, plus he could use a gun so it's fairly safe to assume that he had some sort of military experience. He was Fleming's Tanner in all but name. Kinnear and the rest of them are not.


  • BeatlesSansEarmuffsBeatlesSansEarmuffs
    Posts: 3,566
    I hate, hate, hate the very concept of this thread. Therefore I must ruin it with an entry of my own!

    Wayne Newton as Professor Joe in LTK just totally deflates the drama and peril at the heart of that movie. Bless his stinkin', Vegas befouled heart. His institute just goes up in flames at the drop of a beaker because...why? Didn't they have one solitary fire extinguisher in the whole place? Plenty of people have (rightly) noted Felix's inappropriately happy attitude while in his hospital bed in this same film, and I believe we have all collectively concluded that this is due to an overdose of drugs...but what in the world can account for the very existence of Professor Joe?
  • BAIN123BAIN123
    edited January 2015 Posts: 11,189
    I suspect Wayne Newton was a big Bond fan.

    Personally I think Everett McGill ruins things with his funny over-acting.

    The first scene after the credits when he and the other Johnson DEA agent are threatening Sanchez is unintentionally hilarious.
  • doubleohdaddoubleohdad
    Posts: 1,146
    BeatlesSansEarmuffs wrote: »
    I hate, hate, hate the very concept of this thread. Therefore I must ruin it with an entry of my own!

    Wayne Newton as Professor Joe in LTK just totally deflates the drama and peril at the heart of that movie. Bless his stinkin', Vegas befouled heart. His institute just goes up in flames at the drop of a beaker because...why? Didn't they have one solitary fire extinguisher in the whole place? Plenty of people have (rightly) noted Felix's inappropriately happy attitude while in his hospital bed in this same film, and I believe we have all collectively concluded that this is due to an overdose of drugs...but what in the world can account for the very existence of Professor Joe?

    Newton WAS awful. It took me out of the movie. It was like the Jimmy Dean guy in DAF, though as a Connery guy it's tough for me to admit that LTK is a better film than DAF, but truth is truth.
    Ouch, that hurt.
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    A View to a Kill is sh*t. Period.
  • BeatlesSansEarmuffsBeatlesSansEarmuffs
    Posts: 3,566
    So is Dr. No's death in the novel. Oh, this thread is only about the movies? Well, guano to that!
  • DaltonCraig007DaltonCraig007 They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."
    Posts: 15,722
    Oh, so you want negativity?

    I rather watch Die Hard 5 and Gi Joe Retaliation back to back then watch DAF again.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,823
    Bond movies not made between the last 4 years of the Eighties mostly suck.
  • KerimKerim Istanbul Not Constantinople
    Posts: 2,629
    I hate the negativity of this thread.
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    Kerim wrote: »
    I hate the negativity of this thread.

    But... it's here for negativity. And TWINE is absolute bullsh*t.
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    thelivingroyale wrote: »
    I hate the Thunderball PTS. In fact I'd say it's one of the worst in the series. The JB on the coffin is a cheap trick that nobody would ever actually fall for anyway. The jetpack is stupid and it looks naff, even if it was real, and Bond looks like a dick with the helmet on. Also, why is it there? Did Bond fly it there to get in? If so wouldn't that have attracted a shit load of attention? And what's the point if it can only fly a short distance anyway? It seems impractical and pointless as well as unrealistic and silly. Also, there is no reason at all for the SPECTRE agent to attend his own funeral. It's sloppy writing. And Bond deduces who he really is simply based on him opening a car door? That's really dumb, he got lucky, there's a good chance he could have ended up punching an innocent grieving widow. Also, the fight is unimpressive. It's just stuff being broken and knocked over. Lots of crashing and banging but the fight itself is meh, disappointing from the people who bought us Bond vs Grant. And then there's the water gadget on the DB5. Another naff gadget and a poor transition into the title sequence.

    I don't like Naomi Harris as Moneypenny. At all. She's wooden, she has terrible line delivery at times and the lack of chemistry between her and Daniel Craig makes the flirting cringe worthy (compare them to Maxwell and Connery, or Bond and Brosnan). I remember before SF, I thought Naomi would end up being the better Bond girl (sonce Berenice hadn't done much acting before). But Berenice blew me away, she was brilliant despite not getting much screen time and she's now my favourite Bond girl of all time. Naomi on the other hand really didn't impress me at all. Hope she has less screentime in SP.

    I also hate the way Tanner has been handled in the films. In the books he was an ex military man who was mates with Bond. In the films he used to just be a bland guy who stood in M's office some times and now he's just a dull exposition/product placement man. I hated it when he was cowering behind the desk in the SF courtroom shootout. Tanner was a war hero in the books, but in the film his boss is in danger and he hides behind a desk the whole time? They turned Moneypenny, a secretary, into this kick ass woman of action so why not do the same with Tanner?

    The best Tanner was by far Colin Samone in the Brosnan films, he was great, I really liked him. I know his character wasn't actually called Tanner but he basically was. He hung around with M, he was friends with Bond and when shit went down he could handle himself well, plus he could use a gun so it's fairly safe to assume that he had some sort of military experience. He was Fleming's Tanner in all but name. Kinnear and the rest of them are not.
    I so agree with you about the whole opening of Thunderball! And the way you put it makes it clear it was totally ridiculous, and not in a good way.

    I respectfully disagree about Naomie as MP; I love her in the role.

    And I always liked Colin as Robinson.

    I do agree about Tanner. Tanner is incredibly bland and even though I kind of like him, his character is so meh. Nothing like in the stories. He was a useless clod during the shootout in the courtroom and did not even protect M (though I know we needed Mallory to save the day there, but still!).

  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,823
    4EverBonded wrote: »
    I respectfully disagree about Naomie as MP; I love her in the role.

    And I always liked Colin as Robinson.
    Now now, that wasn't very negative, now was it?
    [-(
  • andmcitandmcit
    Posts: 1,068
    A lot of common ground being found!
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    @chrisisall, it was surrounded by agreeing with other negativity, though. :D
  • doubleohdaddoubleohdad
    Posts: 1,146
    The entire gondola scene in MR is just diabolical and full of the stuff that everyone makes fun of Bond films for.
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    It is. Some of us call it the Bondola, and it is just about the worst example. Surely the worst gadget for OTT humor anyway. Jaws flapping his arms and trying to fly, most of Jaws in MR, is the worst stupid humor in Bond films, in my opinion. AVTAK has some awful moments, too, as well as DAD. But I think MR is the king of crap humor in Bond films.
  • doubleohdaddoubleohdad
    Posts: 1,146
    These films ridiculed the Bond films two decades before Austin Powers. Glad to read that some see the 70's film for what they were.
  • DrShatterhandDrShatterhand Garden of Death, near Belfast
    Posts: 805
    Sark wrote: »

    This is exactly why I want to use to some free time to make some fan edits of the Moore movies. So many of the dumb gags that bring them down could be excised very easily.

    That is so weird as I was going to follow up my post (sorry, long lunch) by saying that I would LOVE to see the Moore films subjected to a fan edit (like someone did with the Star Wars prequels) with all these moments removed, re-edited or rescored.

    I dream of the day when the LALD car jump is accompanied by nothing more than the Bond theme when it hits dirt on the other side.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,823
    DrShatterhand wrote: »

    I dream of the day when the LALD car jump is accompanied by nothing more than the Bond theme when it hits dirt on the other side.
    That would be a severe fan edit.
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