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Bond Movies Rated By Laser

chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
edited February 2015 in Bond Movies Posts: 17,838
Because, "It's all about the lasers." (c) chrisisall Inc. 2013 all rights reserved.

GF- **** The flick that started it ALL!!! A pretty good Bond movie made AWESOME by the added laser action!
DAF- ***** Some questionable animation, but this is clearly a superior Bond movie! Just check out that Chinese dude on fire before the nuke goes off- excellent!
TMWTGG- *** This would have only gotten two stars being a fairly static laser causing no real destruction, but I added one for the way the laser was activated- very nice. Scaramanga's home laser sucked as it had no visible beam (wtf were they thinking?).
MR- ***** Another solid winner! Plentiful & accurate laser strikes all around (not as clumsy or random as blasters).
TLD- *** The Aston Martin wheel laser was quite entertaining & better than a saw blade.
LTK- * One little laser from a Polaroid?? This film sucked.
GE- *** Two cool lasers.
DAD- ***** 1/2* This movie ROCKED!! Best Bond ever. A laser watch that's powerful enough to cut through two feet of solid ice, a full on Logan's Run-style fight with a crazy random laser table, goon gets laser cranial/dental surgery, using said laser to cut said goon's hand off, and Icarus melting the crap out of ice fields & ice palaces & planes & setting off hundreds of land mines... omg this was Heaven.

SPECTRE better get on board, or none of Dan's films will ever be classics. [-(

Comments

  • dragonskydragonsky
    Posts: 2,491
    DAD- ***** 1/2* This movie ROCKED!! Best Bond ever.
    A words I would never dream to see on this board
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,838
    dragonsky wrote: »
    words I would never dream to see on this board
    If it's all about the lasers... /:)
  • PropertyOfALadyPropertyOfALady Colders Federation CEO
    Posts: 3,675
    Curiously absent... Lazenby. Hmm, maybe he never wanted to become a legend.
  • KerimKerim Istanbul Not Constantinople
    edited February 2015 Posts: 2,629
    Well, that's one way to rank DAF, MR and DAD high.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,838
    Kerim wrote: »
    Well, that's one way to rank DAF, MR and DAD high.
    Verity.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,838
    Now my actual SERIOUS rating of Bond movies featuring lasers:

    GF- ***** Awesome Bond, period.
    DAF- **1/2 Fun but too Flint-ish.
    TMWTGG- ** 1/2 Fun but strayed into silly too much.
    MR- ** Looked very nice but PUHLEEEEZE.
    TLD- ****1/2 Excellent debut for Dalton.
    LTK- ****1/2 Excellent Bond-on-a-rampage flick.
    GE- **** Brosnan brings Bond into the digital age well.
    DAD- **1/2 Brosnan, Pike & Stephens carry a heavily flawed script & direction.
  • DaltonCraig007DaltonCraig007 They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."
    edited June 2015 Posts: 15,723
    OHMSS didn't have lasers, but it had Lazzers as Bond. :D
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,838
    DaltonCraig007 wrote: »
    OHMSS didn't have lasers, but it had Lazzers as Bond. :D
    Silly silly British man.
    :))
  • bondjamesbondjames You were expecting someone else?
    edited June 2015 Posts: 23,883
    For me, GF & TMWTGG get 5* for the use of lasers, because I felt that they were used in the most tense fashion in both these films.

    I really thought Bond was going to be half the man he used to be (to paraphrase Jinx) in GF, and I also thought that he was going to get sliced in half in TMWTGG when trying to retrieve the Solex (Barry's score during this bit is especially suspenseful).
    ---

    MR gets 4* from me for the use of the lasers at the end, when Bond & Goodhead were trying to shoot down the pods. That was quite tense, again with Barry's score in full effect. It would have got 5* if not for the somewhat childish use of lasers in the good guy/bad guy fight earlier
    ---

    I rate the others roughly 3* (except DAD) for use of lasers, because they were sort of exciting, but also kind of boring/predictable in the way the lasers were used in the film.
    ---

    DAD gets 0* from me purely for Jinx being present (and her unfortunate wisecracking) during laser fight with Mr. Kil.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,838
    bondjames wrote: »
    DAD gets 0* from me purely for Jinx being present (and her unfortunate wisecracking) during laser fight with Mr. Kil.
    Mr. Kil. Now there's a name to fry for.
  • Ed83Ed83
    Posts: 1,181
    Brilliant list Chris!
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,838
    Ed83 wrote: »
    Brilliant list Chris!
    Thanks man, not too many laser fans at this site though... :((
    :))
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Haha! Excellent thread.

    My laser ranking:

    1 GF no competition. Cutting edge in 1964.
    2 DAF looks like something a kid put together, but it is fun.
    3 TLD Who wouldn t want a car like that?
    4 LTK for the sheer absurdity in the middle of a serious film
    5 TMWTGG What was this about again?
    6 GE This is actually a pretty serious threat in real life
    7 MR Why, Satan? Why?
    8 DAD Don t bother answering
  • jobojobo
    Posts: 7,507
    Interesting thread, but I'm too 'lasy' to contribute
  • yogi1yogi1
    Posts: 94
    What about that absurd and baffling laser game from NSNA, doesn't that count?
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    yogi1 wrote: »
    What about that absurd and baffling laser game from NSNA, doesn't that count?

    Would have been better if they sticked to the initial idea (by Anthony Burgess?) from when it was to be called JAMES BOND OF THE SECRET SERVICE. You also need sharks.
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,349
    This is a good way of breaking down the films to be fair.
  • DRush76DRush76
    edited July 2015 Posts: 533
    Is this list about lasers used in Bond films?
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,349
    DRush76 wrote: »
    Is this list about lasers used in Bond films?

    Yes.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    This seems to have died down, how about a Bond Movies Rated By Sharks thread, @chrisisall?
  • KerimKerim Istanbul Not Constantinople
    Posts: 2,629
    Pre-emptive post.

    1. TB
    2. TSWLM
    3. LTK
    4. FYEO
    5. LALD
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    No lasers in Spectre. God, how it sucks. Mendes must die.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,838
    Yes, Dan's movies are mostly a total loss. 8-|
  • royale65royale65 Caustic misanthrope reporting for duty.
    Posts: 4,423
    My God you're right!

    According to the leaked script, there was a few lasers in the Moroccan Lair. Attached to sharks, in fact.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    We need lasers and sharks in B25. @Iguanna, can you please forward a script to EON?

    We would all be grateful.
  • TheWizardOfIceTheWizardOfIce 'One of the Internet's more toxic individuals'
    Posts: 9,117
    GF - it's rather too powerful to be realistic but a bit of healthy suspension of disbelief turns it into am epic scene.

    DAF - On a par with the parasurfing as the worst effects scene in the series. GF filmed 7 years earlier blows it out of the water. The shot of the Chinese guy running around on fire on front of the worst rear projection screen ever filmed is just embarrassing. I guess they spent all the money on Connery's fee.

    TMWTGG - Not even an effect. Scaramanga just smiles and says 'This is the part I really like', presses a button and the plane explodes. Where's the laser then? Are we counting the heat ray from the solex? That said reasonably realistic.

    MR - Well you either have to get on board and enjoy it and just be a miserable old git and whinge about Fleming. I'm miserable for sure, certainly a git and I prefer the films that are rooted in Fleming. I still can't help loving MR though.

    TLD - Just when you thought we had gone back to a serious incarnation of Fleming's Bond and then they throw this in there. I can happily live with the rockets and skis but this was inappropriate for Dalton's Bond.

    LTK - I'm not a fan but as a 2 second throw away gag I suppose I can live with it.

    GE - Disappointing that they couldn't come up with something that wasn't nicked from NSNA. Also personally I prefer it when Q tells Bond about something first rather he just happens to have it when required. I always remember Cubby's maxim for the DB5 when filming GF: 'Tell them what you're going to do and then do it.'

    DAD - Obviously Icarus is a pile of wank (although credit where credit's due - an infinitely better version of the same weapon as in DAF) but I have to admit that the laser fight is one of my favourite scenes in the film. Even with the drag factor of Jinx's 'quips' I actually prefer it to the sword fight which I find over choreographed and overlong. One of the more inventive scenes in the film for me.

    On the whole though I would have to say Bond films are better when they don't feature lasers.
  • royale65royale65 Caustic misanthrope reporting for duty.
    Posts: 4,423
    Well they "wrote off" Connery's fee due to the Eady Levy, so the special effects in DAF is even more embarrassing.
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