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HUNTER: happy new year (non-bond spy short story)

thelivingroyalethelivingroyale
edited October 2011 in Fan Creations Posts: 12,837
Paris, 2073. The streets are lined with soldiers on high alert, and its new years eve. 2 soldiers stand on a rooftop. One soldier is cold, tired, and fed up. He was sick of the war, it was thanks to the war that he'd been forced to sacrifice time with his family because of some stupid british spy who apparently has several important documents in his possesion. Pfffffft, well, he thought, if i see this spy I'll kill him with my bare hands for forcing me to be here. The streets are packed with party goers, an ideal place for a spy to hide, but he had binoculars. "So", said his fellow soldier next to him in french, "this spy, whats he look like". The soldier shrugged "black, apparently well built, very short hair, quite tall, he looks, a bit like that guy". The man quickly looked down the binoculars, the man seemed worried, he was moving quickly through the crowd. The soldier was convinced, this was thier man. He shouted down a radio "subject is in the crowd, move in move in" and the soldiers headed down. The mans real name was unknown to many, he'd always preferred the name hunter. Hunter immediatly sensed something was wrong, the sudden activity of the soldiers could only mean one thing. He threw of the long trench coat he was wearing, revealing a leather jacket, black T shirt and dark jeans, he pulled his gun, a desert eagle, and fired into the air, causing the crowd to move as soldiers barged through to reach him. Once he was out in the open, he ran. Hunter ran into an alley, using window ledges and balconies he made it to the roof of an apartment block. A soldier on roof patrol opened fire, hunter sprinted towards him, dodging the bullets, and shoved him too his death. Hunter looked round, jeeps were speeding through the streets. He ran from rooftop to rooftop as soldiers tried to pursue him, once he reached a low roof he somersaulted perfectly and landed on the floor in the crowd. He shot 4 soldiers as he kept moving. Barging through more crowds, he started sprinting up the eifel tower to the agreed drop point, once at the top he grabbed a parachute that had been left for him earlier. But he was surrounded by soldiers. "Drop your weapons", shouted a soldier. He spoke english but with a heavy french accent. Hunter dropped his gun. "And your parachute!" shouted another soldier. Hunter instead held onto the parachute and pulled the cord, it flew in the faces of the guards, sending one over the edge of the railings. The open chute was left dangling over the edge, hunter, still holding onto to the chute, ran and flipped over the edge. As he went into an upright position the chute went up. But it didn't have the power of a cord pull, hunter could already feel himself heading down faster than he should be, the fact that he was dangling of the strap only made him fall faster. Realising he could injure himself, hunter steered towards a rooftop, deciding he'd have to make his own way to his extraction point. He landed hard and skidded before slightly leaving the ground and hitting the roof face first, finding himself tangled in the parachute the chute dragged him of the edge but hunter managed to untangle himself and hang on. Hoisting himself back onto the roof top, he was glad to see that he hadn't been spotted just yet. He headed down and grabbed from his pockets some glasses and a gold chain. He pulled a passing man into an alley and knocked him out, grabbing the mans hoody and flat cap. Hunter walked out into the crowd unseen, he had vanished once again. As he walked, he noticed several soldiers looking around frantically, but the massive crowds were enough to mask hunter. Hunter quickly made his way towards the nearby river and hopped into a black van. The van drove of, in the back hunter glued on a fake scar and changed his shoes, also putting on a piar of gloves. Using his disguise, and some fake ID, he made it through roadblocks and too the british embassy.

Comments

  • thelivingroyalethelivingroyale
    edited October 2011 Posts: 12,837
    feedback please
  • JWESTBROOKJWESTBROOK
    Posts: 5,745
    Very good storyline. Had me in deep all the way through. Besides the grammar errors and some *weak* sentences (imo), the storyline is there and I'm very interested to read more. I like how he is very do first, think second, sort of like Craig's Bond. But I'm not here to nitpick.

    My only thing with the story is the van driving to the British embassy. They surely would have air units if the French (or French soldiers) were so worried about this guy. I don't see how if they already know so much about him they wouldn't already have roadblocks and ways of stopping him from reaching the embassy.

    But overall very good, provides some very impressive mental images as I read, sort of made the movie in my head.
  • thelivingroyalethelivingroyale
    Posts: 12,837
    Very good storyline. Had me in deep all the way through. Besides the grammar errors and some *weak* sentences (imo), the storyline is there and I'm very interested to read more. I like how he is very do first, think second, sort of like Craig's Bond. But I'm not here to nitpick.

    My only thing with the story is the van driving to the British embassy. They surely would have air units if the French (or French soldiers) were so worried about this guy. I don't see how if they already know so much about him they wouldn't already have roadblocks and ways of stopping him from reaching the embassy.

    But overall very good, provides some very impressive mental images as I read, sort of made the movie in my head.
    you've got a point about the van driving to the embassy, I'll change that now
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