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Suffering from a mental illness
Hello dear forummembers,
Perhaps many people in here know that I am a very passionate participant in discussions. But lately I'm going through a rather bad period in my life. Like so many episodes in my 34-year old lifespan. I want to talk with you about the destructiveness of mental illnesses. And especially what such a psychological personality disorder syndrome does to my life and how it truly facilitates depressions and sometimes even physical problems (automutilation).
I am suffering from a combination of Borderline Personality Disorder Syndrome and a milder version of Asperger Syndrome. To give you an idea what these syndromes actually mean in my case, I have made a 'checklist' of characteristics and symptoms:
Borderline (in my case):
--> People with BPD feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and longer than others do.
--> The emotions of people with BPD may repeatedly resurge and persist a long time andit may take more time for people with BPD than others to return to a stable emotional baseline.
--> People with BPD are often exceptionally enthusiastic, idealistic, joyful, and loving.
--> But people with BPD feel overwhelmed by negative emotions ("anxiety, depression, guilt/shame, worry, anger, etc."), experiencing intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance, and panic instead of nervousness.
--> People with BPD are also especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, criticism, isolation, and perceived failure.
--> Efforts of BPD-ers to manage or escape from their very negative emotions may lead to self-injury or suicidal behavior.
--> People with BPD feel joy intensely, they are especially prone to dysphoria, depression, and/or feelings of mental and emotional distress.
--> Some types of dysphoria are: Feeling betrayed, "feeling like hurting myself", and feeling out of control.
--> Impulsive behavior is common, including substance or alcohol abuse, eating disorders, unprotected sex or indiscriminate sex with multiple partners, reckless spending, and reckless driving. (In my case it's related to eating disorders and indeed reckless spending).
--> Impulsive behavior may also include leaving jobs or relationships, running away, and self-injury. (In my case it's an addiction to small-self-mutilation).
Asperger Syndrome (mild variant in my case):
There's a lot more to read about both Borderline Syndrome and Asperger Syndrome. I encourage everyone to read a bit more about these mental illnesses on Wikipedia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
and
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
I hope this creates some understanding on the forum, as I have experienced many times problems with other people on here. Moreover, since we are not able to see each other in flesh and blood, it becomes at times even more problematic to function 'normal' over here.
Kind regards,
Gert Waterink (A.K.A. Gustav_Graves)
Perhaps many people in here know that I am a very passionate participant in discussions. But lately I'm going through a rather bad period in my life. Like so many episodes in my 34-year old lifespan. I want to talk with you about the destructiveness of mental illnesses. And especially what such a psychological personality disorder syndrome does to my life and how it truly facilitates depressions and sometimes even physical problems (automutilation).
I am suffering from a combination of Borderline Personality Disorder Syndrome and a milder version of Asperger Syndrome. To give you an idea what these syndromes actually mean in my case, I have made a 'checklist' of characteristics and symptoms:
Borderline (in my case):
--> People with BPD feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and longer than others do.
--> The emotions of people with BPD may repeatedly resurge and persist a long time andit may take more time for people with BPD than others to return to a stable emotional baseline.
--> People with BPD are often exceptionally enthusiastic, idealistic, joyful, and loving.
--> But people with BPD feel overwhelmed by negative emotions ("anxiety, depression, guilt/shame, worry, anger, etc."), experiencing intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance, and panic instead of nervousness.
--> People with BPD are also especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, criticism, isolation, and perceived failure.
--> Efforts of BPD-ers to manage or escape from their very negative emotions may lead to self-injury or suicidal behavior.
--> People with BPD feel joy intensely, they are especially prone to dysphoria, depression, and/or feelings of mental and emotional distress.
--> Some types of dysphoria are: Feeling betrayed, "feeling like hurting myself", and feeling out of control.
--> Impulsive behavior is common, including substance or alcohol abuse, eating disorders, unprotected sex or indiscriminate sex with multiple partners, reckless spending, and reckless driving. (In my case it's related to eating disorders and indeed reckless spending).
--> Impulsive behavior may also include leaving jobs or relationships, running away, and self-injury. (In my case it's an addiction to small-self-mutilation).
Asperger Syndrome (mild variant in my case):
People with AS may not be as withdrawn around others, compared with those with other, more debilitating forms of autism; they approach others, even if awkwardly. For example, a person with AS may engage in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic, while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a wish to change the topic of talk or end the interaction.
This social awkwardness has been called "active but odd". This failure to react appropriately to social interaction may appear as disregard for other people's feelings, and may come across as insensitive. However, not all individuals with AS will approach others. Some of them may even display selective mutism, speaking not at all to most people and excessively to specific people. Some may choose only to talk to people they like.
There's a lot more to read about both Borderline Syndrome and Asperger Syndrome. I encourage everyone to read a bit more about these mental illnesses on Wikipedia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
and
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
I hope this creates some understanding on the forum, as I have experienced many times problems with other people on here. Moreover, since we are not able to see each other in flesh and blood, it becomes at times even more problematic to function 'normal' over here.
Kind regards,
Gert Waterink (A.K.A. Gustav_Graves)
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Comments
Me myself? I have a very dry humour which does not translate well over the ether. People think I am being serious when I am jesting.
8-}
As @PropertyOfALady has stated, @Gustav_Graves, you are indeed a valued member of this community. :)
*Brosnan Compulsive Disorder
I wouldn't go that far. We all know there is somthing seriously wrong with Brosnan fans!
:))
It is difficult though. Especially on a professional level. I was about to get fired one month ago because of this. After I just started a new position on February 1st. And only since I became very honest to myself......and to my manager.....it was possible to get some understanding for all the 'shit' I have been causing.
I mean, I know people want to treat me like any other person. But that does not always work. Borderline and Asperger are mental handicaps. And as long as some people around me don't know of it, life will get tougher and tougher.
I have been told that I need to change myself all my life. It becomes tiresome. Let the people around me adapt a bit to me. Because I don't want to change my personality anymore. I am who I am....with my mental illness. I learned more or less how to live with it. But it would be nice if this 'coming out' of mine is a reminder that there's a reason I'm a pain in the ass sometimes.....
Having said that, accepting me as a person with Borderline and Asperger works better for me than accepting only my 'good' sides and wash away 'that stupid Borderline and Asperger'.
I guess, Part of it is - for you - to deal with people reacting to you as they do, not realising or not caring about your consition. But I think its great, that you don't wanna change anymore. Its you, its part of you and its who you are. The good and the bad as with all of us. Its like people expect someone to run with just one leg. If you accept your one leg, others will come to do that more and more. And yes, people who are a bit sensitive, will adapt more and not take you too serious, if you are in the grip of it. I would think, you are on a good way and maybe it helps, if you view it from a distance, if you are angry, sad and whatnot and see it as - IT is having the better of me just now, but it will go away. Let it go away without giving it too much energy or thought.
That sounds pretty serious to me, if you really are hurting yourself.
I actually do. My forehead is a bit of a mess right now. Scratching heavily, quite big visible red-skinned wounds on my forehead.
Jesus. I'm sorry. I don't know if I come across as ingenuine or unfeeling, and I don't know how else I can put it, but I earnestly hope you're alright and everything's OK.
I already have :-). Every month I get a new recipe of the anti-depressant Fluoxetina. Doctor's orders, as in my case the medication probably needs to be used my entire life. Mental illnesses are also chronical. I take two pills a day :-).
Although I have really nothing constructive to add ...more of a lurker of this thread it does mean a great deal that you shared both in terms of forum members offering support and as a help to others.
At least for me it helps. Thanks.
Backing for the power of prayer in a thread about mental illness? Oh the irony.
I implore you to keep taking your pills @Gustav as they are the only thing likely to help your condition.
Indeed, let's not make things worse.
Or better.
Medication is a valuable treatment. But talking therapy, cbt, and just having a positive outlet in your life is valuable too. Hope the forum provides that for you gustav. All the best