Depression and our personal lives

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  • BondJasonBond006BondJasonBond006 on fb and ajb
    Posts: 9,020
    Thank you guys. I'm trying to keep busy in the evenings. When I'm in uniform it's easier, at home it's a struggle.
    As for watching films, that would be the easy solution. Unfortunately my brain still isn't allowing me to concentrate on a screen for more than an hour tops. Same for reading, I can read but after maybe 30 minutes, I still read but my mind doesn't keep it anymore, so I have to stop.
    Thanks to my motor functions being more or less restored I can finally be online and use the keyboard. Doing a chatty post like this works rather well, but writing lengthy things like the review I did of GoldenEye will take me a long time.

    I have memory problems and I forget and can't remember trivial things which is a nuisance. Fortunately I haven't lost my skills and can work, if not full-time yet. I need a rest in the afternoon and then I can go on for some more hours. Doing 3, 4 days a week at the moment.

    Telling you this because if I post strange things or repeat myself it's not intentional.
    Of course one could say my posts are strange in general ;)

    Yes, my heart is ripped to pieces, three heart attacks couldn't kill me, but the grief and sorrow sure tries to, it feels that way. I've lost my two brothers-in-arms Emanuele (42) and Jeff (41), furthermore my wife (which I was separated on good terms) died early October from an aggressive form of cancer and some time after my heart surgery my mom died too.
    Telling you this so you get a picture of where I'm at.

    Well, before this becomes a self-pity festival I want you to know I'll try to continue participating and contributing on the forum. But it will take time, one step every day, one of many, many steps.

    I don't need special treatment of course. And I won't bother the forum with my personal problems. I think I've said what I think is appropriate to say and now it's all good.

    I was in a bad place in 2017 in general, just so you know, and let me at this opportunity apologise for any troubles I caused last year.
    I'm not that person anymore, I am balanced out again, if somewhat beaten up from what life let me go through.

    Cheers, Jason

  • Agent_99Agent_99 enjoys a spirited ride as much as the next girl
    Posts: 3,181
    It's nice just to see a post from you, Jason - don't feel they all have to be upbeat happy ones. And even when you're having a bad time, the fact that you're a good person underneath always shines through in what you write.
  • Mendes4LyfeMendes4Lyfe The long road ahead
    Posts: 8,453
    Agent_99 wrote: »
    It's nice just to see a post from you, Jason - don't feel they all have to be upbeat happy ones. And even when you're having a bad time, the fact that you're a good person underneath always shines through in what you write.

    That's so true.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,830
    As far as I'm concerned anything we hear from you now is icing on the cake that you're still here!
  • RemingtonRemington I'll do anything for a woman with a knife.
    Posts: 1,534
    This place is always more interesting with our friend Jason around.
  • 001001
    edited February 2018 Posts: 1,575
    Thank you guys. I'm trying to keep busy in the evenings. When I'm in uniform it's easier, at home it's a struggle.
    As for watching films, that would be the easy solution. Unfortunately my brain still isn't allowing me to concentrate on a screen for more than an hour tops. Same for reading, I can read but after maybe 30 minutes, I still read but my mind doesn't keep it anymore, so I have to stop.
    Thanks to my motor functions being more or less restored I can finally be online and use the keyboard. Doing a chatty post like this works rather well, but writing lengthy things like the review I did of GoldenEye will take me a long time.

    I have memory problems and I forget and can't remember trivial things which is a nuisance. Fortunately I haven't lost my skills and can work, if not full-time yet. I need a rest in the afternoon and then I can go on for some more hours. Doing 3, 4 days a week at the moment.

    Telling you this because if I post strange things or repeat myself it's not intentional.
    Of course one could say my posts are strange in general ;)

    Yes, my heart is ripped to pieces, three heart attacks couldn't kill me, but the grief and sorrow sure tries to, it feels that way. I've lost my two brothers-in-arms Emanuele (42) and Jeff (41), furthermore my wife (which I was separated on good terms) died early October from an aggressive form of cancer and some time after my heart surgery my mom died too.
    Telling you this so you get a picture of where I'm at.

    Well, before this becomes a self-pity festival I want you to know I'll try to continue participating and contributing on the forum. But it will take time, one step every day, one of many, many steps.

    I don't need special treatment of course. And I won't bother the forum with my personal problems. I think I've said what I think is appropriate to say and now it's all good.

    I was in a bad place in 2017 in general, just so you know, and let me at this opportunity apologise for any troubles I caused last year.
    I'm not that person anymore, I am balanced out again, if somewhat beaten up from what life let me go through.

    Cheers, Jason

    The best thing to do is to seek professional help as mentioned.
    I have suffered from this terrible illness too and know what you're going through, which seems to affect men much more than women for some reason.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,830
    001 wrote: »
    I have suffered from this terrible illness too and know what you're going through, which seems to affect men much more than women for some reason.
    Testosterone. That which you cannot kill, makes you weaker. Okay, just having fun at our sex's expense. Please laugh.
  • Agent_99Agent_99 enjoys a spirited ride as much as the next girl
    Posts: 3,181
    chrisisall wrote: »
    Testosterone. That which you cannot kill, makes you weaker. Okay, just having fun at our sex's expense. Please laugh.

    On a serious note, men tend to be hit harder by depression because they find it more difficult to open up and talk to others about their feelings - perhaps because it feels like 'showing weakness'.

    So do talk, gents. Talk online, talk to friends and family, talk to a confidential phone helpline. Talk to me if you'd like - I'm a decent listener.
  • NicNacNicNac Administrator, Moderator
    Posts: 7,585
    We all talk about feeling 'depressed' at times, but of course depression effects everybody in different ways. People with true depression, who can't seem to find a way out are treated with a degree of suspicion by people who feel down occasionally but soon bounce back.

    It's like people who suffer from 'flu' when in truth they have a cold. They turn their cold into something much worse and it makes real flu seem superficial.
  • 00Agent00Agent Any man who drinks Dom Perignon '52 can't be all bad.
    edited February 2018 Posts: 5,185
    Agent_99 wrote: »
    chrisisall wrote: »
    Testosterone. That which you cannot kill, makes you weaker. Okay, just having fun at our sex's expense. Please laugh.

    On a serious note, men tend to be hit harder by depression because they find it more difficult to open up and talk to others about their feelings - perhaps because it feels like 'showing weakness'.

    That might very well be the case.
    I had lots of emotional "issues" when i grew up, thankfully i have a good friend who is just as crazy as me and one day i basically startet talking to him about anything, all my problems, and we kept going at it.
    Even with your best friend this can be a tough step, because as you said it's weakness, not necessarily in the eyes of others but actually more in your own eyes.

    It's all about self acceptance. Everyone has problems, that does not make you weak.
    One of the best ways of acceptance is talking to others. Thats really all you need to do sometimes.

    For the last 10 years me and my buddy have created a Bond (pun) that is indestructible, just by talking about anything.
  • BondJasonBond006BondJasonBond006 on fb and ajb
    edited February 2018 Posts: 9,020
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