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"I can feel this thread's anger."
Lots of hate coming off of this thread right now, but deservedly so. I'll limit myself to 5, but kudos to all of you who went above and beyond.
1. Jinx. This is the film that made me hate Halle Berry. The script does her no favors, but she gives one of the worst performances I have ever seen in a big budgeted film. Maybe the worst.
2. The script. This is a broad one, indeed. But from the plagiarizing of Diamonds Are Forever, to the awful puns to the forced references, I'm surprised that Purvis and Wade kept their jobs - let alone were part of CR and SF.
3. The CGI Parasailing. This needs no explanation.
4. Madonna's Theme Song. EASILY AND BY FAR the worst song in the franchise. Migraine inducing pop techno with laughable lyrics. "Sigmund Freud."
5. Pierce Brosnan. I'll be honest and say that I really don't care for him as Bond. He was decent in GoldenEye, hit a stride in Tomorrow Never Dies and then became a soap star in The World Is Not Enough. But in Die Another Day, Brosnan becomes a horny, slimy old man who can't seem to resist cracking jokes about genitalia. It's just kind of gross. And something about his performance - I just can't put a finger on it - but it's just not good.
1. Sniffing Rosa Klebb's shoe - apart from the obvious questions of why anyone would do this and did the MI6 cleanup team in Istanbul post the shoe back to HQ when they collected the body this whole 'spot the gadget' scene is pretty cringeworthy with it coming across as being filmed at a Bond exhibition rather than an actual set. The way the Acrostar jet is conspicuously hung from the ceiling (no way Q would store his equipment like this) is unspeakably naff. Cleese is by far the best thing about this scene.
2. Hardly Hamlet - from the 'so you live to die another day' scene to 'going down together' does Bond have more than half a dozen lines to say? No wonder Craig had reservations about taking the role if he saw this. For about 40 mins Brozza does little more than make expressions in front of a green screen.
3. Sidekick Simon Jinx - ever since TSWLM EON have had this theory that a Bond girl who's also a secret agent and Bond's equal is a good idea. It's not. And this is by far the shittest execution of the idea. Once the film leaves Iceland its a straight buddy movie with Jinx getting as much screen time as Bond and a much better final fight which would be awful enough if Jinx was a good character.
4. The whole ice dragster thing - forget for a minute the fact it results in the most embarrassing sequence in Bond history, just what is the point? Just have Bond escape and get straight into the Aston and we're into the car chase. And as a bonus you reduce the running time by 5 minutes.
5. The CGI - not the fact that its utter shite (which it is) but the fact that its there at all. This is a Bond film, a series famed for its real stunts. So what are EON doing saying to Tamahori 'yeah fine lets piss away Cubby's legacy and replace it with some graphics a SNES owner would be dismayed at.' Yes with CR and SF they may have paid a big chunk of the debt they owe us for DAD off but there's still plenty to go as there are so many things that as custodians of the character they should have vetoed rather than letting Tamahori run riot.
Forgetting the para sailing scene that follows, another aspect of this scene which usually gets overlooked is that awful moment when the CGI/model ice dragster goes over the cliff face and is saved by the anchor. It's just a horrible scene on so many levels.
I remember watching an interview with a woman from the 'Special Effects' (and I use that term loosely) company responsible for DAD and she was blowing her own trumpet about how realistic the reflections on the CGI waves looked. I'm sorry, but no one gives an utter f*** about that when she should be more concerned with how unrealistic the shitty CGI James Bond looks riding that damn wave!
I do like the bit where Bond is hanging from the cliff wondering what to do next - sue me!
Brozza really sells that he is in a bit of a pickle and its a nice moment of acting before the CGI vomit splatters across your screen like a chav slapper throwing up in the gutter on a Friday night.
I love the documentary with that woman! Comedy gold. She genuinely seems to think that she's working for ILM and has already got her dress on order from Versace for the Oscar ceremony.
That sir, is perhaps the finest analogy I have ever read ;-) =D>
It is the best line this week thanks Wiz.
Wait, you're saying that explosion in Alvarez' office wasn't? I'm really misreading this film. :O
...
...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BEST OF DAD? And you want... FIVE things? But there is no "best" for that film! There's only "least cringeworthy" and that's even a stretch!
First the ten worst quotes:
10. "So, I left you in an explosive situation...you're a big BO-AIH, I figured you could handle yourself"
9. "Here's your new watch... this will be your twentieth, I believe." This is a reference to Die Another Day's status as the twentieth Bond movie.
8. "Ornithologist, huh...wow...now there's a mouthful." Followed immediately by
7. *cigar puff*
6. "Read this...BITCH!"
5. "It's only by living on the edge that we know who we really are...*stares into camera*...under the skin."
4. "Time to face destiny!" followed immediately by
3. "Time to face gravity!" followed immediately by entry 5 on the second list. It should be noted that gravity is not actually involved in Graves' immediately ensuing death.
2. "You can't kill my dreams James...but my dreams can kill you."
1. "Oh, look, parachutes for the both of us...whoops, not anymore!"
Now everything else:
5. Bond's pressing the "shock the wearer" button on the TRON suit.
4. The luxury cars that fell out of the plane (what were they even doing in the plane?) sticking out of the ground in one piece, in a flagrant violation of the laws of physics.
3. The outrageously slow movement of the laser during Mr. Kil's attempt to execute Jinx. Seriously, there are several reasons the Goldfinger scene is so iconic. This has none of them. If it were possible, it would have -5 of them.
2. Bond going back to save Jinx. Why did this drowning rescue have to succeed and Vesper's have to fail?
1. Going down together. This is two movies in a row that have ended with a downright disgusting pun, unworthy of even the Mooriest of Moores.
1. Dumb patrolling guards who let Bond and co walk right up the beach unnoticed.
2. The film thinking we're idiots and saying we're in North Korea twice in a row.
3. Colonel Moon – hmm, this man actually looks threatening unlike that Graves, and of course is hideously underdeveloped.
4. Big, slow hovercrafts in exchange for diamonds? How pointless, I'd want the cars myself.
5. Zao's got a phone that can identify state executioners sent to murder you?! WOW! I gotta get me one of those!
6. Bond's been found out, yet none of the soldiers have the mental capacity to SHOOT HIM IMMEDIATELY.
7. Diamonds explode everywhere. Being the hardest material known to man, they should've killed Zao instantly, but instead of being dead/screaming in mortal agony he's perfectly capable of getting straight back up, grabbing an AK from nowhere and firing at Bond.
8. Bond hijacks a hovercraft and shoots missiles at the compound that we saw seconds earlier had BLAST-PROOF DOORS and so would be able to withstand the artillery. But hey, as long as the 'cool' kids are happy to see things getting blown up with not a care in the world for continuity.
9. The hovercraft chase and the Bond theme blares for no apparent reason. Do we need reminding what we're watching? Bond turns and shoots Moon's driver through the glass of a military hovercraft that you figure would be bulletproof as standard.
10. Bond somehow uses a vest (that, yes, appeared from nowhere) to deflect bullets. He drops it, and in typical Bond-villain fashion, Moon fails to shoot him when he has the perfect chance to do so, instead picking up a completely pointless flamethrower that's of no use whatsoever.
11. Bond is able to move at lightning speed back to the front of the hovercraft and hit a lever. Moon fails to hit the deck like an idiot.
12. Bond saves his own life by grabbing onto a bell that appeared from nowhere and tops it off with a quip that makes cheese itself vomit with rage.
13. General Moon's army, continuing the traditional of implausibly appearing from nowhere, somehow manage to traverse a lethal minefield in a couple of minutes with conventional military vehicles in order to capture Bond.
Oh, go on then, why not a few more:
14. During the Bond/Zao exchange, we see Zao with a diamond lodged in the region of...HIS JUGULAR? Why is he still alive?
15. The almost racist conotation of Koreans wanting to become white boys.
16. The pointless 'gene therapy'. Yeah, you were from Hamburg, eh? Shame about those diamonds lodged in your face that blatantly give away your identity.
17. That Zao, undergoing agonising and exhausting therapy to alter his appearance, should be weak as a kitten, but is able to leap up and fight Bond.
Maybe they'll be more later.
Bond and his two sidekicks infiltrate Pyeongchang on surfboards. So where exactly did they 'surf' from? Japan??
EDIT: Or has the great Wiz just found an answer?
I have no problem with that. They were brought in by sub to avoid radar or HALO jumped a few miles off shore.
No it still sucks ;-)
Be fair Willy - the surfing is the best stunt on the film. If you slag that off as well the really is no hope of redemption for poor old DAD.
Sorry Wiz but the whole film deserves to die a hideously long, painful death. Preferably stung on it's proverbial balls by scorpions.
2. Going Down Together (Named it The End, Icarus , Airplane, Helicopter, Robocop, return of Graves Father what you whant)
3. Jinx
4. Mr Kill / Laser fight
5. Zoa
6.Moneypenny end with Bond
7. Water Surfing / Graves Toy
8. Cuba / Cuba Clinic
9. Madonna cameo
10. Q gadgets remember
I focus on the things in the movie, but it is not easy to not at the delay of the movie in my country, the editing, the cinematopgraphy, Music, costume design, writers, the action and what happend after the movie in to the list.
Skyfall whas close to be another DAD and also CR have things i les like then DAD. Skyfall feels empty, whyle DAD have to much. Skyfall and CR have better actors and chacter development, but that not mean i am happy with it too. For me the 24 subject/Die Hard elements in CR and Violence are even as Going Down Together.
Iam stil be on consider to re-rank Skyfall lower then DAD and CR.
LIST 2: Your 007 favourite OT sequences by Maurice Binder
LIST 3: Your 007 most annoying moments in a Bond film
LIST 4: Rank the Aston Martin cars from the Bonds
LIST 5: 007's 007 coolest moments
LIST 6: Rank the non-Barry/Arnold scores
LIST 7: Your 007 most sexy moments in the Bonds
LIST 8: The 6 best moments of Bond in London
LIST 9: The 007 best uses of the Bond Theme
LIST 10: The 5 worst faces made by the Bonds
LIST 11: Your top 10 PTS
LIST 12: The 6 best scenes in OHMSS
LIST 13: David Arnold's 6 finest moments in the Bonds
LIST 14: The five nicest folks who ever played a part in a Bond film.
LIST 15: Ranking the Glen directed Bonds.
LIST 16: Rank the Blofelds (including NSNA and FYEO)
LIST 17-58: The 5 worst moments in DN - The 5 worst moments in DAD.
<font color=orange size=5><b>LIST 59</b></font>
Fun time is over, people. Down to a tough challenge. ;-)
<font color=green size=6> <b>The 5 best moments in DAD.</b></font>
4 - Bond smokes! Finally. Bond gives the PC world the finger.
3 - London Calling from Roger Moore's lovely daughter to Arnold's dramatic score over the aerial introduction of London.
2 - Madonna's laughable screw-up annex "acting" Miranda undressing in front of Bond. My 20 year old hormones went through the roof back in 2002.
1 - The car chase on the ice. Say what you want but this is good stuff for me. Totally ridiculous and all but I just love the excitement.
4. Bond, as suave as ever, entering the hotel in his post-torture state.
3. Bond smokes.
2. Title Sequence. It was pretty cool to show Bond being tortured and looking like a mess afterward, not to mention making the title sequence part of the story. Too bad they squandered it.
1. Sword fight at Blades. Classic Bond action, sped up or not.
1. The scenes in Cuba with Raoul.
2. The homage to TSWLM parachute jump.
3. The return of Aston Martin to Bond (despite the cloaking device obviously).
4. The sword fight (without speeding up the film).
5. Struggling now. If we hadn't gotten a film this bad, we wouldn't have had Casino Royale four years later. That has to be the best thing about DAD :-)
5) Pierce Brosnan's perf, on average. Whatever some may say. It was decent enough.
4) Miranda Frost character (fantastic Rosamund Pike)
3) The PTS was promising and fun, whatever the mistakes ; this including the torture scene
2) The bloody sword fight !
1) The car chase on ice until Zao's death was the very best.
Plus honorables mentions to : the return of the Aston Martin, Raoul character, the Q scene, "London Calling", David Arnold's score and Bond smoking.
10. The moment where Bond comes up wearing the same outfit as Mr. Van Biert and takes his sunglasses.
9. Colonel Moon using his Anger Therapist as a punch/kicking bag.
8. The Sword Fight at the "Blades" Club.
7. R becoming Q with Dignity.
6. The fight with Zao at the Cuban clinic. (The part where Zao strangles Bond with the cords was Real, Rick Yune apparently got really into the fight scenes.)
5. The scene between Bond and M on the Infirmary Boat. (You had your cyanide. Threw it away years ago.)
4. The hovercraft chase.
3. David Arnold's score. Like Barry's score saved Moonraker, Arnold's score saved Die Another Day for the most part.
2. Miranda Frost being a great Bad Bond girl.
1. The whole car chase.
2: "It seems Mr. Zao has lost himself in Havana. If you should find him, say goodbye for us."
1: This film's suckage resulted in one of the greatest films ever made 4 years later.
Sorry, I didnt sign a contract for five ;)
4. The sword fight
3. Bond and Raoul
2. Bond smoking again (honorable mention: Falco lighting a cigarette after mayhem)
1. "Perhaps it is time you let me do my job" Bond to M
4) The first virtual reality scene where it seems terrorists have attacked MI6
3) London Calling parachute jump
2) Bond quarantined after his rescue. The cyanide line is great.
1) The sword fight.
Even the worst Bond movie has it's share of good/decent moments. Says a lot about the series in my opinion.