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<center><font color = darkblue size = 4>part 1/30</font></center>
<center><font color = darkblue size = 6>LAST ACTION HERO (1993)</font></center>
When John McTiernan decided he had better things to do than make Die Hard 2, he created the art that was Medicine Man and Last Action Hero. After that, he decided he had nothing better to do than make Die Hard With A Vengeance.
Last Action Hero tells the amazing story of teenager Danny, who is obsessed by film hero Jack Slater. Danny is played by Austin O'Brien, fresh from that other amazing achievement known as The Lawnmower Man. Slater is of course Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is also Arnold Schwarzenegger in the film... but doesn't realise that. Okay, stay with me. Through the magic of a Houdini film ticket, Danny gets sucked into the next Slater film while offered an exclusive preview in an empty theatre, and lives a Hollywood adventure alongside his hero. Said hero obviously doesn't know he's a movie alias of California's governor-to-be, in fact he doesn't even know "Moe Zart". But after some gun fights and explosions involving F. Murray Abraham, Anthony Quinn and Charles Dance, the ticket pulls most of the main cast of Jack Slater IV into the real world where bullets actually make you bleed. While Arnold meets Arnold and The Grim Reaper, played by Sir Ian McKellen, shows up to claim souls, Danny must be the best hero he always wanted to be.
Last Action Hero took a lot of beating in '93 but has since become a bit of a cult favourite. In fact, nowadays it's the quintessential essay on the big action movie clichés from back in the early '90s. Though over-the-top silly and almost religiously celebrating bad Arnold puns, Last Action Hero is a true guilty pleasure of mine. I shouldn't laugh when people talk about blowing up the corpse of Leo The Fart with a straight face, but I can't help it. Also, Tom Noonan is creepy as hell.
This movie was a notoriously expensive bomb but the money is on the screen. We have a pretty impressive cast, big spectacle with lots of cars and several houses going up in flames and those things don't come cheap. Though critics had a field day with Last Action Hero, we can now unironically call it a classic from the days when action films weren't about CGI yet and when America had nothing to worry about but Clinton's naughty adventures in the White House. Therefore, to kick my 30 Guilty Pleasures list off, I will give this film the best of compliments.
MY GUILTY PLEASURE RANKING
Great because it's actually not bad.
Last Action Hero
Great because it's the best acid trip you ever had without acid.
Great because it's fun to see people go totally off the rails.
Great because I just happen to like these things and I'm not too proud to admit it.
Ronin
The Crow
The Bourne Ultimatum
"Where Eagles Dare"
Raiders of the Lost Arc
Hooper
are bloody brilliant action movies that really are worth seeing again and again, the last one has a car stunt that shows how poor the ones in recent Bond-movies have become.
Up until a few weeks ago, I had only seen the first installment of this franchise. I enjoyed it and was pleasantly surprised by it, because it was a lot more serious than I thought it would be.
In the last two weeks, I quickly made up for lost time and saw the remaining two installments on blu ray. I really enjoyed Catching Fire, which had a lot of pep to it and was a far superior production quality to the first one. Mockingjay Part 1 was less enjoyable, because Katniss Everdeen, the heroine of the piece, was holed up on a ship for most of the time , rather than being in the thick of the action. It was a different kind of film too, focusing on the propoganda that occurs during the fog of war and how the lines between good and bad get blurred in such situations. Decent, but perhaps it shouldn't have been a standalone film.
I just came out of seeing Mockingjay 2, the final installment. I have not read any of the books and went in totally blind, not knowing what to expect (probably the best way to see a film, but increasingly difficult these days I know....). Anyway, I enjoyed it very much. It's of course the finale to the big battle (which is actually far more intimate here than one would imagine without having read the books) between the Resistance and the Capitol. The good guys win, some important characters are lost and Katniss shows what she is made of.
What surprised me is that I was genuinely moved by the film, sort of in the way that I was moved by LOTR-Return of the King. Like characters in that film, the burden of being a saviour takes its toll on Katniss here, and the responsibility that she bears is written all over the face of the brilliant Jennifer Lawrence throughout the entire film. Josh Hutcherson also does a superb job as Peeta Mellark, but it is Lawrence who steals the film for me. She truly is a sublime actress, and I rank her up there with Jessica Chastain as one of America's best at the moment.
I appreciated how the film focused on the characters and their internal struggles while allowing the spectacle to unfold around them. That is good film making.
If you have come this far with this series, I recommend this final installment. It is a fitting end to the saga. If you have not enjoyed it up to now, then it's probably not for you.
Recommended due to great performances by Lawrence and Hutcherson.
I would call that movie a pain in the behind. >:)
<center><font color = darkblue size = 4>part 2/30</font></center>
<center><font color = darkblue size = 6>SHOWGIRLS (1995)</font></center>
Lindsay Lohan went from Herbie Fully Loaded to just being fully loaded. Miley Cyrus traded her Hannah Montana outfits for basically no outfit at all. And Britney Spears at one point decided that bald really is the new black. But they did it all wrong... When cutesy Saved By The Bell actress Elizabeth Berkley wanted a serious film career, she went for full frontal in Paul Verhoeven's nudie flick Showgirls.
With a name like Nomi Malone, you simply are lured to Vegas to become a stripper. Just ask Elizabeth Berkley's confused character who is first seen freaking out in the middle of the road and then in a Las Vegas Strip Club owned by Robert Davi where she licks a pole and proceeds to bare all. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much of a glamorous career in all this, so Nomi develops anger issues. But things might change when Twin Peaks' Agent Cooper walks in with Gina Gershon who promptly buys the man a private moment with Nomi, though she herself will be in attendance during the fruitful events. Only in Vegas can you lap dance your way to the top and Nomi soon finds herself landing a big stage role performing nude dancing for a higher class of audience. But all tops eventually come off in Vegas and indeed Nomi will soon find out that behind the scenes, there's a war going on. The weapons: T&A. The prize: Kyle MacLachlan under a waterfall in his own swimming pool. Can Nomi face the psychological strains of being a nude performer?
Why bother asking since that's not why you bought that ticket in 1995. Sharon Stone had been seen naked in several films before, the most famous of those 1992's Basic Instinct, also by Paul Verhoeven. Madonna had shown the goods in Body Of Evidence (1993). And Demi Moore did Striptease the year after Showgirls. Some stars just weren't going to wait for the next Lynch or Iñárritu to get some art house credit for taking it all off in a moment of theatrical drama; they just let it all slip in mainstream cinema. But Showgirls was no Basic Instinct. The story of a young blonde stripper being a young blonde stripper, first on a pole and then on a larger stage, isn't very fascinating. Even with Gina Gershon giving Nomi some pretty nasty comments to chew on, Showgirls is basically one linear sequence of nothing-scenes and strip scenes in perfect alternation. There's hardly a story, let alone a good one. It's all about Vegas, shows, girls and their goods.
Costing more money than it made and giving critics an early Christmas that year, Showgirls is one of those legendary bombs. Fortunately, it's legendary enough to still be spoken of and in fact to still be selling DVD's, including the 15th Anniversary "Sinsational Edition". Furthermore, a 2011 sequel was released called Showgirls 2: Penny's from Heaven, which itself is now rumoured to be receiving its own sequel soon. Showgirls was even adapted into a musical. Critical re-evaluation, praising Showgirls as a legitimate satire, keeps this film alive. Braveheart may have won the Oscars for 1995 but Showgirls is the film we're still talking about.
A terrible script and terrible acting with most women leaving their chest to do the talking provide the perfect recipe for a movie that is simply delicious in everything it does. Satire or not, the fun is in the over-the-top-but-without-a-top performances from most involved. After about 2 minutes you realise that we're not here to think but rather to laugh. Sinsational? Absolutely. Showgirls is one of those so-bad-it's-good films I just can't get enough of.
MY GUILTY PLEASURE RANKING
Great because it's actually not bad.
Last Action Hero
Great because it's the best acid trip you ever had without acid.
Great because it's fun to see people go totally off the rails.
Showgirls
Great because I just happen to like these things and I'm not too proud to admit it.
I didn't even grin once. :/
<center><font color = darkblue size = 4>part 3/30</font></center>
<center><font color = darkblue size = 6>G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)</font></center>
A real American hero! I was perhaps a few years too young to be sucked into Hasbro's G.I. Joe craze of the 80s though I have fond memories of kids in school bringing some Cobra Commander action figures to the playground. I saw the TV show as a kid, usually in a cartoon package with TMNT and Transformers, and had such great fun with it though I couldn't understand half of what was said. (Remember, I'm not a native English speaker.) I loved the lasers, the characters and their very distinct looks and the simple black-and-white representation of good versus evil. When the 1987 film was released, I didn't even know it existed. In fact, as I grew older, I moved on to 90s animation including The Simpsons and Batman: The Animated Series. In my later teenage years, I got hooked on Japanimation. I more or less forgot about the Hasbro toys. But with the live action Transformers and G.I. Joe films of the past decade, I rediscovered my childhood love and much to my surprise, still loved it!
G.I. Joe: The Movie opens with a montage that has nothing to do with the rest of the film and during which we hear a very bad song about Cobra. (Note: while the Transformers animated movie has a delicious 80s synth and rock score, the G.I. Joe movie is treated to one of the worst Casio Keyboard compositions ever.) We do see most of the familiar Joes and Cobra operatives. Falcon, Duke, Roadblock, Destro, The Baroness and many more. We immediately proceed to a Cobra meeting where the artificially created Serpentor blames the Cobra Commander for his inability to destroy the Joes. Next, Cobra tries to steel the B.E.T. (Broadcast Energy Transmitter) from the Joes, but fails. Serpentor is subsequently 'abducted' by the mysterious Pythona, a womanlike creature who takes him to a Lovecraftian netherworld called Cobra-La. The leader of this ancient place, Golobulus, reveals that his kind has been on Earth for tens of thousands of years and is planning to take it back from the humans. Not only that, Cobra Commander actually used to be a Cobra-La citizen and was sent out to set-up an army to achieve exactly that. In any case, using deadly spores as a weapon, Golobulus will now himself launch an attack on the Joes...
Okay, this made absolutely no sense to you? Too many characters? Yes! Hasbro wants to sell toys, remember? That's why the Transformers movie had over 100 characters in an 80 minute film. It's a little bit easier to keep track of characters in the Joe film though. Apart from the fact that there are fewer characters to start with, they are easier to distinguish than the robots in Transformers as they have true personality and distinct looks. Also, some of the voices are pretty famous, like Don Johnson as Falcon, Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime in Transformers) as Zandar and Nemesis Enforcer, and none other than Burgess Meredith, the Penguin from the 60s Batman movie, as Golobulus. Strange that such names should be tied in with a product like this? Don't worry. We had Judd Nelson, Scatman Crothers, Eric Idle, Leonard Nimoy and Orson Welles (!) in The Transformers animated movie.
The story is simple but moves at such a high pace that we are never bored. I am particularly in love with the animation, with the pencil colours rather than CGI stuff and the epileptic laser flashes during the many fights in the film. Having always been a fan of Cobra Commander's AWESOME looks - it's a little Darth Vaderish, I agree, but maybe that's also the reason why - my only beef with the film may be the fact that he doesn't get too many menacing or glorious moments and neither does Destro. Serpentor and Golobulus get most of the fun and I'm far less invested in them. My other favourite character, also on the Cobra side, is Storm Shadow, who also gets much less to do in this film than usual. But that doesn't distract me from having a lot of fun. So here we are, a grown-up man celebrating a cartoon film that's all about selling toys. Ah well, it is a guilty pleasure.
MY GUILTY PLEASURE RANKING
Great because it's actually not bad.
Last Action Hero
Great because it's the best acid trip you ever had without acid.
Great because it's fun to see people go totally off the rails.
Showgirls
Great because I just happen to like these things and I'm not too proud to admit it.
G.I. Joe: The Movie
<center><font color = darkblue size = 4>part 4/30</font></center>
<center><font color = darkblue size = 6>The Avengers (1998)</font></center>
Let me start by saying that I never saw the 60s television series. I know a lot of people have a genuine love for that series and treat the film adaptation as a virus that must be destroyed. Fast. But my perspective is not that of a fan, which probably explains everything that comes next...
The British government is about to enter the 21st century with a secret service that, at least stylistically, never evolved after WWII. Nothing wrong with that since manners maketh man. Don't ask the Kingsmen this time but Ministry agent John Steed instead. He has to pair up with sexy Emma, peeled from the pages of a 60s fashion magazine, to stop Sir August de Wynter. The latter has found the means to control the weather and makes it very obvious that all shall pay lest he will unleash terrifying storms that can even destroy Big Ben himself. As the head of a SPECTRE-ish organisation known as BROLLY, de Wynter insists on meeting with his associates dressed up as teddy bears. His castle is one big maze of WTF traps including giant explosive wasps, phone booths in the middle of a garden that can hold their own climate and strange hallways in the mansion that seem to offer no way out. Emma Peel and John Steed must get past stand-up comedian Eddie Izzard after an invisible Patrick Macnee leaves some valuable information, fight an Emma Peel lookalike and destroy de Wynter's weather machine. Can Steed's training, which includes fighting deadly nuns, and his signature weapon, an umbrella, give him the strength to beat up a senior citizen with a wealthy retirement plan?
So, where's Thor? Iron Man? Captain America? I suppose Emma Peel comes closest to Black Widow. But obviously this isn't Marvel material. In fact, the Marvel films may have pushed this one even further into oblivion. Yet "swinging London" is how MTV tried to sell this film with its numerous promotional campaigns but The Avengers barely made half of its budget back. DVDs of the film were sold cheaper than a Dr. Pepper can. And all involved tried to forget about the film as soon as possible. Jeremiah S. Chechik was voted "worst director" and fled to television stuff. Sean Connery barely returned to acting after this thing. And Uma Thurman needed two Kill Bill films to be taken seriously again. (I mean, Batman & Robin and then this?) For a while, it felt that contracting a life threatening fever was better than having something to do with The Avengers.
But there's a point where a film goes so over the top, it becomes a fascinating experience. One might even use the term 'scientific curiosity'. What motivated people to cobble together this parody of a parody of a parody and what were they injecting in their veins? I sincerely hope they had a lot of fun doing it because... I have a lot of fun watching the results! Yes. I admit it. In a weird sort of way I love this film. It's such a joy to see these talented actors try to make at least some sense out of it. It's an even bigger joy for me to inhale the beautiful visuals and sounds. Particular praise goes to Joel McNeely, a replacement for Michael Kamen, whose score is perhaps the one redeeming production element of the entire film. Creating a colourful atmosphere and providing thrilling action beats when the film does not, McNeely's music is at least 80 % of the entertainment this film provides.
I never did drugs but I can imagine that if I did, the experience wouldn't be all that dissimilar from watching The Avengers. Not a single scene seems coherent with the rest of the film and when you bring in old ladies with Arnold sized firearms hidden in a baby stroller or hurricanes inside a phone booth, you are totally delirious. But this entire event is so deliciously wacky and so expertly visualised and scored, that one cannot but assume the shrooms had been in the afternoon tea. And because I have the privilege of never seeing the television series, I can go with it like I can go with eating almost deadly chilli peppers. In this outrageously insane fantasy, there's so much to laugh with, laugh at but also to enjoy on a pure technical level, I can go back to it time and again. It's one of those journeys to wonderland that never get boring on the assumption that one never tries to find the logic behind it all.
MY GUILTY PLEASURE RANKING
Great because it's actually not bad.
Last Action Hero
Great because it's the best acid trip you ever had without acid.
The Avengers (1998)
Great because it's fun to see people go totally off the rails.
Showgirls
Great because I just happen to like these things and I'm not too proud to admit it.
G.I. Joe: The Movie
These guys NEED to direct a Bond movie, period.
Really good untill the 3rd act kinda ruins it. Still a good movie though
:D
<center><font color = darkblue size = 4>part 5/30</font></center>
<center><font color = darkblue size = 6>Zardoz (1974)</font></center>
In 1971 Sean Connery lied when he said "never again" to Bond, but for a while it seemed like he really had quit wearing the tux that had made him a legend. The two-picture deal with UA he got for starring in Diamonds Are Forever would only result in one film (The Offence) and his career went from double-oh seven to double-oh zero in less than no time after that. Take his second post-Bond film for example: Zardoz, an experimental art movie by John Boorman, whose career includes the highly acclaimed Deliverance as well as the highly ridiculed Exorcist II: The Heretic. Connery was still somewhat in Bond mode though: Zardoz would pair him with beautiful Charlotte Rampling who could easily have been a Bond girl, he'd fight an evil doctor and be photographed with a gun in his hands, albeit not wearing a tuxedo but a red bikini instead...
Welcome to a distant future. People live in bubbles and are visited by a giant floating head which tells them the gun is good but the penis is bad. Virile Sean Connery plays Zed - no, he doesn't have a chopper - who is absorbed in a peculiar community of philosophers who hope to learn what kind of ideas he gets when he sees an attractive naked woman. His erections are their only hope for survival. But when Zed is thrown in a barn full of catatonic people, he goes rapist on one of them, and that makes Consuella (Rampling) very upset. Also, at one point he's wearing a bride's wedding gown. Oh and the divine Zardoz, overseeing all of this madness, is actually a cheater, a manipulator, who took his inspiration from The Wizard Of Oz. Uhu.
Zardoz was 70s lunacy at its best. Boorman apparently got the idea for the film when writing a script for a Lord Of The Rings adaptation he was hoping to make. I know the Bakshi animated Rings film was popular among stoners, but Zardoz is worlds away from Tolkien. That's like saying you were inspired by Star Wars to write Piranha DDD. What we end up with is a "vision" of a future in which society is fractured up into almost sexless cults. Said cults have found ways to accelerate ageing and face the constant threat of barbaric invasion. What Boorman tried to say with this film is unclear to me. I bet you can write tons of essays on the subject but that doesn't take away the fact that Connery is a savage whose genital area gets central focus in the frame when naked women parade in front of him. This is all kinds of crazy. Boorman was notoriously ailing from some exotic fever while directing Exorcist II; I bet he had contracted far worse when making Zardoz. You can't convince me that he hadn't at least replaced his blood with mixtures of heavy hallucinogens. To envision something so out of control, one has to be super-kookoo, like the Joker.
So there are basically two ways one can deal with this. Either laugh really hard and throw the DVD in the bin, or relive the trance time and again. I prefer the second option. There is something very appealing about seeing all of these people mixed up in this semi-philosophical mess which, if I can say one positive thing, could serve as brain food when contemplated in the proper academic framework. But isn't that the case with every artistic trip to Acidland? Creative thinkers can always justify that which not only defies common sense but even good taste. Perhaps the fun ultimately is in the offensiveness of the images and in the wacky, disjointed vortex of concepts and ideas. I keep getting drawn to this film, knowing very well it makes no sense but feeling encouraged to re-experience the stupendous trip over and over again.
MY GUILTY PLEASURE RANKING
Great because it's actually not bad.
Last Action Hero
Great because it's the best acid trip you ever had without acid.
The Avengers (1998)
Zardoz
Great because it's fun to see people go totally off the rails.
Showgirls
Great because I just happen to like these things and I'm not too proud to admit it.
G.I. Joe: The Movie
[/quote]