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The James Bond Limerick Thread

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  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    edited April 2014 Posts: 12,480
    There once was a Nordic loon
    He thundered loudly the same old tune
    "A troll I am not
    Brosnan's films are full of rot"
    And back to the fjords he ran with his spittoon
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Hahaha! You get the gold medal for that, sweet @4EverBonded!
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    Brilliant @4EverBonded
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    Thank you, thank you. Arigato, my tomodachi. :D
    Happy to get one done before off to walk the dog all over my mountain.

    P.S.
    I do hope to visit Norway someday; it sure is a beautiful country.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    PM me if you do, I am only one hour away from Oslo.
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    edited April 2014 Posts: 5,080
    Last one for the night-

    A smuggler ex prince by the name of Khan
    When thwarted by Bond exclaimed oh darn!
    Stuffed sheeps head is his favourite
    But not too keen on ferret
    You begin to wonder where he gets his charm

    2sbsrpi.jpg
  • jobojobo
    edited April 2014 Posts: 7,507
    In Norway sheep's head is a national dish
    yes it's true, we don't only eat fish
    "Smalahove" it's called
    you don't have to be bold
    to enjoy it, in fact it's delish!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smalahove

  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,662
    We're here for five hours, the time we must kill
    For I cannot samba, and this is Brazil
    Where pigeons double-take
    And villains Moonrake
    Since Venice has left us, it's gotten quite chill.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,662
    Now Murdock just 'fessed up to eating my lunch
    I was feeling famished, so thank you a bunch
    I wish he could vanish
    Next time, some horseradish
    I'll lace in my food, 'cause it sure packs a punch.
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,357
    QBranch wrote:
    Now Murdock just 'fessed up to eating my lunch
    I was feeling famished, so thank you a bunch
    I wish he could vanish
    Next time, some horseradish
    I'll lace in my food, 'cause it sure packs a punch.

    It just took a few seconds Q. =))
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    James Bond was strapped to a table
    Auric's laser he hoped to disable
    With his balls on the line
    He bluffed just in time
    But now he's locked up in a stable
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    Oh, Willy, you got me thinking of that ...

    Sean's privates had Auric's attention
    But Goldfinger failed that intention
    Craig's balls were caught
    but that came to naught
    As Craig's Bond never fails to mention
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    4EverBonded wrote:
    Oh, Willy, you got me thinking of that ...

    Sean's privates had Auric's attention
    But Goldfinger failed that intention
    Craig's balls were caught
    but that came to naught
    As Craig's Bond never fails to mention

    :))
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    edited April 2014 Posts: 6,396
    Emilio was the villain with one eye
    Don't go swimming in his pool or you'll die
    His lover was scorned
    And it suddenly dawned
    That she'd harpooned him above his left thigh.
  • jobojobo
    Posts: 7,507
    Wow! This is just getting better and better! :-bd
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    M and Bond were forced to retreat
    Silva was not here hunting for meat
    They were in for a shock
    When Kincade seemed to mock
    And he gave them a warm Scottish greet!
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    When the birds and the bees were taught
    In class, James Bond was not
    To the beds of women he'd wander
    And soon he began to ponder
    How many STDs he'd caught
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    There was a rich man called Drax
    Poor Corrine was used as dog snacks
    Way up in the sky
    We were all doomed to die
    Until Bond cashed in his Space Tax.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    James Bond had hell to pay
    Every year on Fathers' Day
    The dozens of cards made him sad
    They were all addressed to "Dad"
    He wished they'd all just go away
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    edited April 2014 Posts: 5,080
    There once was a shady chap called Le Chiffre
    Who worked for Quantum but was not the chief
    He lost a lot of money
    They did not find it funny
    Now he's got a third eye that causes him grief
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    edited April 2014 Posts: 6,396
    Alec seemed good but was in fact sly
    He'd fooled everyone when it looked he would die
    Up on the high ladder
    Bond proved he was badder
    "No, for me" brought a tear to the eye
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,247
    There floated, not larger than a cup,
    A submarine, quite close to Europe
    With Bond and XXX
    Lying on their backs
    He was keeping the British end up.
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,247
    This one is for @WillyGalore:

    He’s funnier even than Brosnan and Moore
    Has Dalton and Craig laughing on the floor
    Charming like Connery
    but tougher than Lazenby
    Allow me to introduce: Sir WillyGalore!
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    DarthDimi wrote:
    This one is for @WillyGalore:

    He’s funnier even than Brosnan and Moore
    Has Dalton and Craig laughing on the floor
    Charming like Connery
    but tougher than Lazenby
    Allow me to introduce: Sir WillyGalore!

    I can't disagree with any of that ;-)

    Thanks @Dimi.
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    edited April 2014 Posts: 6,396
    A golden bullet arrived in the post
    Could it be Bond, Scaramanaga wants most?
    We all held our breath
    The shot confirmed death
    Hoorah! It was Sheriff Pepper that was in fact toast!
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Mr Wint was taking a shower
    Mr Kidd joined him for a full hour
    When they were done
    Mr Wint whispered:"Hon,
    You are my delicate flower."
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    ^ =))
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,247
    @Thunderfinger, great stuff! :D

  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Accusations of trolling still linger
    They do not hit like a stinger
    In case you wonder
    If you steal my Thunder
    You are only left with my finger
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    Posts: 5,080
    He has steel for teeth, he's seven foot two
    The names Jaws and he'll probably kill you
    But in space one day
    His sins washed away
    Now his new lover will make you spew
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