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James Bond parody -- add one sentence

CrabKeyCrabKey
edited May 2014 in Trivia & Games Posts: 2,029
As a few have mentioned, the well-intentioned 'James Bond story -- add one sentence' got off track in a few places.
The intent was serious, but a few contributions missed the point. So let's provide a thread for those who prefer a Bond sendup.

We'll call our parody

NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY

Chapter 1 - ENNUI

"Christ, I'm bored said James Bond, rubbing his hand across three days of stubble, his breath reeking of cigarettes and whisky and not having the faintest clue who the lifeless body was lying next to him in the bed of The Garish Arms hotel on the island of San Soleil.

(Please add only ONE sentence at a time.)





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Comments

  • forgotmyusernameforgotmyusername
    Posts: 2,782
    Bond's phone rang.....'Bond here....no I'm not on my own...yes the party was a bit lifeless...must go chow'.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Meanwhile, in a Russian toilet. ..
  • WalecsWalecs On Her Majesty's Secret Service
    Posts: 3,157
    Ismael Campbell was cashing his money for killing a dangerous american spy from FBI.
    He didn't like that place for a rendez-vous, but money is money, and he ain't complaining.
  • CrabKeyCrabKey
    Posts: 2,029
    His contact had said, "Call me, Ismael, when the job is done."
  • CrabKeyCrabKey
    Posts: 2,029
    "It's done," Ismael said, calling from a toilet marked Russians Only in the lobby of The Garish Arms, just a few floors below the room where that effete British spy was waking up and asking himself, "What the…..?"
  • KerimKerim Istanbul Not Constantinople
    Posts: 2,629
    "...bloody hell is this? Damn it Ismael, I said I wanted dead whores in my room, not a dead horse"!
  • CrabKeyCrabKey
    Posts: 2,029
    "Somehow it got lost in translation. I was very clear. I told the maitre de a tart and hors d'oeuvres."
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Bond tossed the phone nonchalantly away, and faced the bed.
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,361
    "The horse snorted as it wasn't dead but rather sleeping."
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    Bang, bang, bang. It was dead now.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Then an ominous knock on the door.
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,361
    "the door opens and enters Valentin Zukovsky."
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    His mustache arrows of lightning, he gave Bond one right on the nose.
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,361
    "Bond James Bond! How are you my old friend?" He said in delight.
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    Posts: 5,080
    "That's for my horse! And this is for my wife" and Zukovsky hits him again.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,694
    "Are you calling me a horse's arse?", Bond neighed.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    The Russian heart melted.
  • CrabKeyCrabKey
    Posts: 2,029
    "That's one from the Russian with love," Zukovsky said.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,694
    "Well, that certainly got the blood Russian", remarked a relieved Bond.
  • KerimKerim Istanbul Not Constantinople
    Posts: 2,629
    Enough with the Russian quips James. You always like to rush in with those.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,694
    Bond raised an eyebrow at Valentin. "If you think my Russian jokes are lame, then so viet."
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    BAM! Another one on the nose, and this time it broke.
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    Posts: 5,080
    "Consider it a limp for a limp, ey?"
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,694
    Bond pointed to his nose. "This is an old friend of mine. And it tells me something's fractured."
  • CrabKeyCrabKey
    Posts: 2,029
    Crossing to the window, Bond said, "Okay, my funny Valentin, what's the story?"
  • thelivingroyalethelivingroyale
    Posts: 12,837
    Then Bond fell out the window and died. Weeks later, at his funeral...
  • WalecsWalecs On Her Majesty's Secret Service
    Posts: 3,157
    "We'll all remember Commander Bond as one of our best agents. He defeated the evil Goldfinger, the terrible Ernst Stavro Blofeld, and avoided that M died by an indigestion of flesh. Now the bitch is dead he's got all the time in the world may he rest in p..."
    Then, and only then Bond came out from his coffin.
  • jobojobo
    Posts: 7,507
    "I beg your pardon. Forgot to knock!"
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,694
    Bond hopped out of the casket and adjusted his tie. "I'm not mad about my tailor, are you?" Several mourners passed out from shock, the rest sprinting off so fast they left their clothes hovering in mid-air. "Expecting someone else? Don't look so surprised- you were all aware of my hobby", the freshly resurrected spy quipped, as he left the scene to get back to business.
  • jobojobo
    Posts: 7,507
    "Yes, this is my second life", he said as he approached Moneypenny.
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