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Build A Bond Punchline
How about we all go around a write out some great Bond 'one-liners'. My favorites are the double-entendre.
Please provide only a small exposition and the line, not a lengthy set up.
A few I've thought of:
An enemy finds one of Bond's pressure sensitive grenades and he remarks, "Don't hold it against me." B-)
M is mad at Bond for running over a suspect, and he remarks, "I was only trying to run him down." B-)
A villain says "I'm only trying to do good through all this hard work!" and Bond remarks, "And more lies ahead." B-)
A villain is out to kill all obese people and Bond remarks "I think you need a larger test group." B-)
^The same villain dies by being cut in half (somehow) and Bond remarks "His diet split his weight in half!" B-)
Bond to a woman at a auction "We agreed on $1,000,000 precisely, no more." and she responds "I like a man who appreciates a fine figure." B-)
Moneypenny asks James "When are you going to finally hang up your gun and settle down?" and Bond replies "I haven't found a rack big enough." B-)
Bond asks Moneypenny what her plans are tonight, and she says "The weather report promises 8 inches tonight." Bond, smug, raises his eyebrow. :>
Okay that's enough for now.
Please provide only a small exposition and the line, not a lengthy set up.
A few I've thought of:
An enemy finds one of Bond's pressure sensitive grenades and he remarks, "Don't hold it against me." B-)
M is mad at Bond for running over a suspect, and he remarks, "I was only trying to run him down." B-)
A villain says "I'm only trying to do good through all this hard work!" and Bond remarks, "And more lies ahead." B-)
A villain is out to kill all obese people and Bond remarks "I think you need a larger test group." B-)
^The same villain dies by being cut in half (somehow) and Bond remarks "His diet split his weight in half!" B-)
Bond to a woman at a auction "We agreed on $1,000,000 precisely, no more." and she responds "I like a man who appreciates a fine figure." B-)
Moneypenny asks James "When are you going to finally hang up your gun and settle down?" and Bond replies "I haven't found a rack big enough." B-)
Bond asks Moneypenny what her plans are tonight, and she says "The weather report promises 8 inches tonight." Bond, smug, raises his eyebrow. :>
Okay that's enough for now.
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Comments
Bond: "Yes, it is hard at the moment".
and
Bond: "I smell a gas leak".
Jinx: "Sorry".
ICELAND
(Bond rocks up at Graves' ice palace in the Vanquish, and as he opens the door to get out...)
Mr. Kil: "I'm Mr. Kil."
(Bond pulls out a silenced P99, drops Mr. Kil, and heads into the party)
Bond: "Funny, that's what I named my defence mechanism."
=))
I like the exposition. Haha
I want MOAR!
GL: "I feel a stiffness coming on".
The Next Day, after GL sees Bunt in bed.
Bunt: "Bet you don't have a stiffness now Mr. Bond".
and
"My name is Pussy Galore".
Bond: "You're all wet".
Silva swings and Bond remarks, "You have a hard drive, Mr. Silva." /:)
Bond: Now that's a name to die for.
Kil. I'm Mr. Kil.
Bond: I think we've met. ;)
Yeah this is lame but I tried. :))
Silva - "How many holes have you got into Mister Bond"
Bond - (insert your own joke here)
Bond (Brosnan) - "I suppose that would depend on your defintion of safe holes"
(I'm not too good with the humor)
I'm Mr. Kil.
(Craig's Bond.) *shoots him.* And you've just been Killed.
Bond gets into bed with random Bond girl..
(Bond) 'Before we start, we were never properly introduced, the name's Bond - James Bond..'
(Girl) - 'My name is Lorena Bobbitt, and I .... '
Bond - "I'm afraid you didn't make the cut"
Haha brilliant @Baltimore.
(Bobbitt cuts off James Bond's penis)
Frederick Gray - "Bobbitt ! What do you think you're doing ?"
Bond - "She's just cutting the British end off Sir"
(I do really have to stop with these)
What's great about these is knowing all the people who don't know who Bobbitt is will read these and be really freaked out.
"will remove that which you don't seem to value".
or
Bond interupts: "Now the whole world is going to know you died scratching my balls.
Ok, for those in the dark, she will be the next Bond girl..
The entrance price at theaters will be a snip..
Bond - "Yesh, but my technique is still neat." B-)
(Bond had just rescued the good girl)
BG: Thank you for saving me, James!
007: Thank you? To hell with it, you own me 5 dollars for that!
Bond: "You'd be surprised at what she could conceal Mr. Scaramanga".
Bond looks her up and down and replies, "Prehaps, I guess I'm going to have to lick you into shape!"
Bond: "My dear girl, you speak as though I had a reputation for snatching clam."
M: "Bond, 003 was found dead in a freezer in a slaughterhouse."
Bond: "It looks like this is going to be one cold case."
Bond: "Well I suppose he really loves the taste of seamen."
Looks like he had to blow off some steam! =))
Bond: "It is, he was trying to make...a clean getaway."
Bond: "I know who was in this hotel room: Will Smith."
Bond Girl: "How do you know that?"
Bond: "Because he left fresh prints."
This was funny, because zao means 'early' in Chinese :P
Bond: "They must've had some killer prices."