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Fanfic - The Rejected Scripts
ConnerysCousin
Melbourne, Australia
EON PRODUCTIONS OFFICE
LONDON
2014
Michael G. Wilson popped a load of scripts on Barbara Broccoli's desk. "New scripts again?" she asked softly.
"Yep", said Michael.
It was that time of year again. Potential scripts: only one could be chosen.
#1:
007 AND HIS DOG, AGENT K9
BOND:
What's that K9? M's fallen down the well again? Let's rescue her!
Rejected
#2:
007 IN: TRAFFIC
CAMERA SHOWS DANIEL CRAIG IN TRAFFIC IN PEAK HOUR.
Rejected
#3:
NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN, AGAIN
SEAN CONNERY RETURNS, AGED IN HIS 80S!
Rejected
#4:
007 MEETS THE ADDAMS FAMILY
CRAIG:
Get that hand off me!
Rejected
TO BE CONTINUED....
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Comments
Rejected
Rejected
Rejected
It is revealed that James Bond visited Disney World in Orlando with a girlfriend and really digged the experience. The finale of the film is set at Euro Disney (Disneyland Resort Paris).
Rejected
Following a dramatic pre-title sequence once again leaving our hero worse for the wear, the film proper opens with an exhausted and ever-increasingly disillusioned Bond finding himself on a deserted, rocky and windswept beach. Dark clouds drift by and nothing but the sound of waves relentlessly crashing against the shore is heard as the sun slowly sets. Suddenly, there is silence and a bald man dressed in black appears. With a grim smile, Bond realizes that this time, the game will not be Texas Hold ‘em but
Rejected
A pity, I liked the sound of this.
Following the peak success of America's reality television program Keeping Up with the Kardashians in national ratings, Bond is sent by M on assignment across the pond to terminate the show's threat on human intelligence, decency and good taste at any costs. The adventure will take Bond all across the map, tailing the Kardashians and their leagues of minions/PR people/make-up staff/bodyguards/cult followers as they hit up ritzy galas and engage in staged rallies for humanitarian aid. Can Bond traverse the glittery tape of the Kardashian's world, uncover their corruption and bring them to justice amongst all the smoke and mirrors of the upper class lifestyle? Will Hollywood pack more of a wallop then our debonair super-spy is prepared for? Will a man with old fashioned English values be able to persuade a largely ignorant and uneducated American public of their erroneous choice of television programming and facilitate the cancellation of such a show before the population runs out of enough brain cells to function as normal members of society?
These are the hard questions the 25th Bond film endeavors to pose, and ones that director Sam Mendes and his team of filmmaking talents (including a five year old with a handheld camera as the cinematographer) hope to answer. No casting has been made official for the lead Bond girl or other ancillary characters at this point, but EON is now underway with the auditioning process and has recently opened up a call for women who can "twerk" as extras for one of the film's main set pieces at a concert. Finally, in a rather ironic twist, Kanye West has been attached to supply the theme tune for the picture. Keep your eyes fixed on this space for further developments on what looks to be the best Bond film to date.
Rejected six months into production
AS IAN FLEMING'S JAMES BOND 007
IN:
"OCTOPUSSY"
BEAVIS:
Heh, heh, you said-
Rejected
Spank Me Twice
(Pronounced Schpank by Sean)
Plot is unknown, but Sean supposedly had the line to the female lead:
Schpank me oncsh, shame on you. Schpank me twice, well...
"Where'sh the kickshtarter?"
Rejected
It's Not My Time To Go
A dark, tightly budgeted, close quarter thriller involving the mysterious deaths of pivotal cast and crew members following an early screening of Die Another Day to test audiences.
Featuring a title song by a 58 year old, constipated Madonna.
Rejected.
Spectre
Bond goes on a rogue mission from a videotape left by Judi Dench. The 00 section is closed down and infiltrated by Quantum, which is renamed Spectre (doesn't stand for anything). Mr. White returns and kills himself. Bond meets the leader of Spectre, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, who is his foster brother and wants to control all the world's information and ruin Bond's life. Le Chiffre, Greene and Silva all work for Spectre. Blofeld taunts Bond by taping xeroxed production stills of Judi Dench and Vesper inside the old MI6 building. MI6 gets blown up again. Bond lets Blofeld live, settles down with Mr. White's daughter and retires from the secret service.
Rejected.
Plot undisclosed as of today, rumored to have formed the basis of the ill-fated Jinx.
Rejected
James Bond of the Secret Service - 1970's
it's never say never again except with remote controlled robot sharks... I did say these were the serious ones right..
The Property of a Lady - 1991
Bond takes on a man hellbeant on Destroying hong Kong if the british give it back to china.. with his Robot female server (ok what is it with rejected scripts and robots seriosuly)
Warhead 2001
Thunderball part 3 no mention of robots in this one
Quentin Tarintino's Casino Royale
Set in the 60's with Uma Thurman as Vesper Lyn and likely Bond Leighter discussing which beatles album is better Revolver or Seargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band
Once Upon a Spy
an early version of Skyfall With some sginifcant changes if I remember correctly just dont remember what they were
The Death Collector
This one had bond going up against an African warlord named Blofeld
Logan's Spectre
Lets see for starters everyone except bond (and possibly Q) is a traitor Tanner Kills himself (much to Wizard of Ice's glee) and Blofeld and Bond are still borthers (yeah Logan came up this idea folks) there is so much more to be said here but man was the script a mess
And that is about it for real ones
Did the sharks have freaking laser beams attached to their heads?
I think the writer said that the only thing to really stay was the "big hook" of the film (M's death) but I think that traces of the mother/son aspect can be seen with Silva and how the film compares their relationship to that of her and Bond. You can definitely see how it eventually became SF.
There was also talk of the plot involving swine flu, gm crops and the underground sequence was originally in Barcelona iirc, but I might be getting my drafts mixed up here, this might be after Purvis and Wade took over.
The most interesting bit of Once Upon a Spy is that Bond actually killed M. I imagine the setup was basically what we got in Skyfall, but in the end M ordered Bond to kill her to avoid the deaths of more innocents or something (maybe the villain was threatening some sort of attack, I don't know). I'd like to read it anyway because it just seems like such a radically different Bond film.
I'd also be interested to see how much fan service was there: I doubt the DB5 featured for instance. And would Q and MP be featured? Because at the time, it wasn't planned to be the 50th anniversary film and I think most of the traditional classic Bond stuff came from the rewrites and from Mendes. So I'd bet that Once Upon a Spy was much more of a departure from the formula (even moreso than CR and QoS from the sounds of it, the M stuff alone). I'd also like to know where the family home stuff came into play, whether this was added by Purvis and Wade and Logan or if it was there from the beginning. Once Upon a Spy seemed more focused on the M plot than on developing Bond, from the sounds of it, so I'd guess not, but I could be wrong.
I'm sure there's more info available that I've forgotten too. The guy who wrote it spoke about it in detail in an interview iirc.
IN
DOUBLE OH SE7EN
A serial killer stalks James Bond for what he perceives to be the secret agent's seven deadly sins: lust, pride, gluttony, greed, wrath, envy, and agreeing to appear in Moonraker.
Rejected
An art-film style Bond movie. The film would have been nothing but the white dot progressing across the screen for 2 hours straight. This was deemed too boring and was replaced by the slightly less nap-inducing, Quantum of Solace.