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James Bond Parody, 2nd edition! - Add one sentence

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  • Some_Kind_Of_HeroSome_Kind_Of_Hero
    Posts: 6,844
    Bond apologized profusely to Q, blaming a freak knee reflex from an old injury courtesy of one Mr. Zukovsky, and saw that both Q and Prince Charles received proper medical aid before continuing on with his mission.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    M phoned Bond to say thanks for being such a polite chap. "Oh absolutely," Bond said.
  • Some_Kind_Of_HeroSome_Kind_Of_Hero
    Posts: 6,844
    When Bond reunited with Miss Tonin, she presented him two tickets to the opera that were to have been delivered to their table by an anonymous benefactor before things got explosive.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    " I've seen tosca before" mused bond,
    "how did you like it James?" enquired Sarah, "lots of people died" replied bond curtly with a look of reminiscence.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    Bond smooched the opera lady so that he could mimic her voice in bed later and impress Sarah.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    "James is it quite necessary to stick your tongue in every girls mouth you come accross?" asked Sarah with hint of green in her eye, "don't worry Sarah I'll come accross you at some point I'm sure" replied bond raising his eyebrow.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    edited August 2016 Posts: 13,384
    His eyebrow was not the only thing rising !
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    Bond indeed raised some small binoculars to his eyes and started scanning the gathered audience his attention drawn to an attractive lady with rather large and round...... Properties!
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    "Oh I'm just here for the birds," he said with a squawk. "Ornithologist."
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    Bond pressed a small button on the side of the binoculars and zoomed in.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    On the material pulled tightly accross the exceptionally pointed nipples, something didn't seem right her nipples looked almost like tiny sharp spikes.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    Bond was busy committing her mammaries to memory when Sarah interrupted,
    "That's Getzer Pantzov you're eyeing up James. She blows that tuba real good."
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    edited August 2016 Posts: 18,281
    Thankfully HRH Sir Prince Charles was unharmed. Bond patted him on the back and was on his way.
  • Some_Kind_Of_HeroSome_Kind_Of_Hero
    Posts: 6,844
    Bond was delighted to see the Prince was in well enough shape to attend the opera, but turning his attention back to Patzov, he asked, "Those wouldn't happen to be..." and Sarah nodded, saying, "Yes, she lost her nipples in an assassination attempt gone wrong and had them replaced with razor-sharp titanium prosthetics. Gives a whole new meaning to the expression cold enough to cut glass with. Hers are positively Siberian."
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy My Secret Lair
    Posts: 13,384
    .... and why three ? Thought Bond.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    ........Furthermore why NOT three, thought Bond with a dirty grin. Also they function as atomic bombs.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    Razor sharp titanium exploding breasts! This pantzov girl would be dynamite in bed thought bond, in fact it brought a whole new meaning to term safe sex.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Bond lit his 110th cigarette that day.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    And realised how pleased he was to receive a fag allowance,
    " excuse me sir, you cant smoke in here, it's not the 1960's you know" said a theatre steward standing behind bond
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    "Tell that to the girl with the tits," Bond blathered as he leered through the binoculars at Agent Pantzov.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    Deciding not to draw attention to himself bond put out his cigarette, by stubbing it on his tongue, forgetting about the Q gadget which exploded in bonds mouth erupting like an enormous belch which resounded around the theatre.
  • SanchairsSanchairs UK
    Posts: 140
    this brought the house down, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw the memory, the lie that had brought him to his knees 30 years ago...'Blo..?' Bond said to himself, at that moment a bullet passed though Bond's left shoulder...Bond dropped to the floor...
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    And Bond's belch smelled of sweet Jamaican hummingbird nectar.
    "Wait what......" Bond thought as the walls of the opera house collapsed and he fell to the floor.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop North Yorkshire
    Posts: 281
    " falling to the floor twice in one night is not my usual protocol" said bond to Sarah while feeling his shoulder and realising the bullet had just skimmed him searing his skin, Bond scanned the destruction looking for his assailant.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    Bond had haunted memories come flooding back to him of when his house blew up, and when MI6 blew up, and when it blew up again, also the time Moneypenny shot him with a gun.
  • SanchairsSanchairs UK
    Posts: 140
    at this point a blue police box appeared, a the door opened, a middle aged Scottish brogue exclaimed 'does anyone need a Doctor?'
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    "What is Sean Connery doing here? The journey's just begun...." Bond thought to himself.
    These were some wicked Q-Shrooms.
  • IGUANNAIGUANNA
    Posts: 1,296
    Bond awoke from his Q-Nap and wiped the spittle from his chin. Sarah was grooving to ancient tunes by Debussy. Damn this opera was boring he thought. Next poster gets to decide how much is real.
  • jobojobo
    edited September 2020 Posts: 7,507
    "And I thought you needed earmuffs only for Beatles..." said Bond, rubbing his forehead. "I'd rather we examined your 'debussy'..."
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