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Where would you stick Bond legend Victor?
saunders
Living in a world of avarice and deceit
I thought I'd resurrect my first ever discussion thread from the old site.
Like every single other James Bond fan I laugh hysterically everytime I watch Bond legend, Victor Tourjansky, that man who looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand everytime he sees Roger doing something amazing (TSWLM), stupid (MR) or just really inconsiderate (FYEO), and like every other Bond fan I'm much saddened that his brief moments of comedy gold appeared in just three of the films. So I wondered if you could (and let's face it who wouldn't) put Victor in each of the 23 films, where would you put him?
These are my suggestions to make the films not just great but 'Victor-ious', but I would be very interested in seeing other members personal choices, remember subtlety is very much the key with this exercise.
DN: Bond and Honey are captured by Dr No's guards, one of them with a really big hose sprays them with a white, sticky liquid while another tells them to take off their clothes, a third guard (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand!
FRWL: Kronsteen on getting a summons from SPECTRE brilliantly wins the chess tournament in just one masterstroke before walking off, his opponent (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
GF: As Pussy's planes spray their deadly gas over Fort Knox a General on parade inspection sees all his men fall instantly to the ground, the General looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand...then also falls over.
TB: As embezzler SPECTRE No.9 is electrocuted, Drug peddler SPECTRE No11 (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
YOLT: Above Earth Jupiter 16 is attempting a space walk mission when a unknown vessel appears and swallows it up, cutting the lifeline of the floating astronaut , as he floats away Chris (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
OHMSS: As Bond cradles his murdered wife a motorcycle policeman arrives at the scene, Bond looks up and whispers "It's alright, it's quite alright we have all the time in the world." The policeman (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
DAF: As Blofeld's laser heats up a missile base in Red China, a poor guard (Victor) catches fire, screams, dances, looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
LALD: As Bond makes his getaway using alligator heads as stepping stones, the old crocodile (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in paw.
TMWTGG: On his arrest Sheriff J W Pepper informs the local cops of his law enforcement credentials, and they (both Victors) look amazed then glance at bottles in their hands.
OP: Bond while wearing a red shirt, drives a stolen Audi through the main gates of an American Airbase in West Germany, the sentry (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
AVTAK: As the businessman (Victor) is ejected from Zorin's airship and plummets towards the sea he looks amazed and then glances at wine bottle.
TLD: At the Blaydon Safe house Koskov reveals Pushkin's plans of Smiert Spionam, Sir Frederick Grey is shocked, M is quietly disbelieving and the guy taking the notes (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
LTK: As Sanchez hits the pressure chamber pipe with an axe Krest (Victor) has just enough time to look amazed and glance at wine bottle in hand before his swelling head explodes
GE: As the Goldeneye weapon system targets Severnaya two MIG's crash into each other, the pilot of the third (Victor) spins round and round, looks amazed then glances at wine bottle before crashing into satellite dish.
TND: On hearing that the Royal Navy missile is about to set off nuclear torpedoes Admiral Roebuck (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
TWINE: Dr Christmas Jones informs Bond that she is a nuclear physicist, the entire cast (Victors) look amazed then glance at wine bottles in hand.
DAD: As film progresses audiences across the world (Victors) look amazed then they glance at wine bottles in hands...before throwing them at the screen.
CR: As a poisoned Bond goes into cardiac arrest, slips into unconsciousness and flatlines, the MI6 doctor (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
QOS: Mitchell suddenly pulls out his gun and starts shooting, accidentally hitting Mr White, then he runs off followed by Bond, M (Victor) looks amazed then glances at bottle in hand.
Like every single other James Bond fan I laugh hysterically everytime I watch Bond legend, Victor Tourjansky, that man who looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand everytime he sees Roger doing something amazing (TSWLM), stupid (MR) or just really inconsiderate (FYEO), and like every other Bond fan I'm much saddened that his brief moments of comedy gold appeared in just three of the films. So I wondered if you could (and let's face it who wouldn't) put Victor in each of the 23 films, where would you put him?
These are my suggestions to make the films not just great but 'Victor-ious', but I would be very interested in seeing other members personal choices, remember subtlety is very much the key with this exercise.
DN: Bond and Honey are captured by Dr No's guards, one of them with a really big hose sprays them with a white, sticky liquid while another tells them to take off their clothes, a third guard (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand!
FRWL: Kronsteen on getting a summons from SPECTRE brilliantly wins the chess tournament in just one masterstroke before walking off, his opponent (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
GF: As Pussy's planes spray their deadly gas over Fort Knox a General on parade inspection sees all his men fall instantly to the ground, the General looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand...then also falls over.
TB: As embezzler SPECTRE No.9 is electrocuted, Drug peddler SPECTRE No11 (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
YOLT: Above Earth Jupiter 16 is attempting a space walk mission when a unknown vessel appears and swallows it up, cutting the lifeline of the floating astronaut , as he floats away Chris (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
OHMSS: As Bond cradles his murdered wife a motorcycle policeman arrives at the scene, Bond looks up and whispers "It's alright, it's quite alright we have all the time in the world." The policeman (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
DAF: As Blofeld's laser heats up a missile base in Red China, a poor guard (Victor) catches fire, screams, dances, looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
LALD: As Bond makes his getaway using alligator heads as stepping stones, the old crocodile (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in paw.
TMWTGG: On his arrest Sheriff J W Pepper informs the local cops of his law enforcement credentials, and they (both Victors) look amazed then glance at bottles in their hands.
OP: Bond while wearing a red shirt, drives a stolen Audi through the main gates of an American Airbase in West Germany, the sentry (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
AVTAK: As the businessman (Victor) is ejected from Zorin's airship and plummets towards the sea he looks amazed and then glances at wine bottle.
TLD: At the Blaydon Safe house Koskov reveals Pushkin's plans of Smiert Spionam, Sir Frederick Grey is shocked, M is quietly disbelieving and the guy taking the notes (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
LTK: As Sanchez hits the pressure chamber pipe with an axe Krest (Victor) has just enough time to look amazed and glance at wine bottle in hand before his swelling head explodes
GE: As the Goldeneye weapon system targets Severnaya two MIG's crash into each other, the pilot of the third (Victor) spins round and round, looks amazed then glances at wine bottle before crashing into satellite dish.
TND: On hearing that the Royal Navy missile is about to set off nuclear torpedoes Admiral Roebuck (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
TWINE: Dr Christmas Jones informs Bond that she is a nuclear physicist, the entire cast (Victors) look amazed then glance at wine bottles in hand.
DAD: As film progresses audiences across the world (Victors) look amazed then they glance at wine bottles in hands...before throwing them at the screen.
CR: As a poisoned Bond goes into cardiac arrest, slips into unconsciousness and flatlines, the MI6 doctor (Victor) looks amazed then glances at wine bottle in hand.
QOS: Mitchell suddenly pulls out his gun and starts shooting, accidentally hitting Mr White, then he runs off followed by Bond, M (Victor) looks amazed then glances at bottle in hand.
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Comments
DN: From a nearby boat, Victor responds to Megaphone Man's talents by expressing surprise to his bottle.
OP: Through binoculars, consummate traveler Victor watches a familiar armed man leap from a hot air balloon featuring the Union Jack. He looks accusingly at the bottle in his other hand.
TND: Victor, on holiday in Saigon, believes his bottle is playing tricks on him when he sees a helicopter pitch forward to threaten pedestrians with its blades. Believing himself of having yet another action movie-themed bout of the DTs, and therefore refusing to flee, he is chopped to bits by the Impossi-Copter.
QOS: Reassembled, but now cave-dwelling hobo Victor is convinced his bottle is throwing him for a loop when he sees Bond and Camille get up after opening a parachute mere feet above the ground.
YOLT: Bond, disguised as a Japanese fisherman arrives at the island with Kissy. Victor, also disguised as a Japanese fisherman, looks stunned as Bond walks past him before looking at the bottle in his hand.
OHMSS: Bond utters "This never happened to the other fella" before looking down the camera with a slight grin. Cut to Victor sitting in a cinema looking confused before looking at the bottle in his hand.
DAF: Bond - "...I'm afraid you've caught me with more than my hands up." Victor (as one of the mobsters) looks down at Bond's crotch amazed and then at the bottle in his hand.
SF: After Daniel buttons his cuffs on the train, Victor turns around as one of the passengers and looks at his wine bottle.
:)) :)) :))
I believe you have finally solved the "how to fix DAD" problem once and for all ;)
DAD end credits - Victor looks at himself in the mirror and says 'I can't go on' then starts swigging the wine to wash down 100 paracetamol.
Nooo. Don't start with the 'he's in a hurry to get home' couple Saunders. If I recall one insane member on here suggested they should return in B24 as if if they have even 1% of Victor's comic genius.
I think we can all agree a CGI addition of Victor (and perhaps Klaus Hergescheimer) to every Bond film would be a good thing but no one else!
I've nothing I can add for Victor, it's all been done already, all I thought of. For Klaus, however:
DN: The radiation shower on Crab Key. Self-explanatory.
FRWL: Bond and Tanya sink down in the boat at the end, only to seconds later come back up with a look of disgust/horror. The reason is revealed a few seconds later. "Sorry, just checking for radiation shields. Klaus Hergescheimer, G section."
GF: Similar situation with Bond and Pussy at the end of the film. Klaus comes out from under the parachute.
Too lazy to go on. I'll continue on in a bit.
DN: After Honey emerges from the sea, Klaus Hergeschimer does the same.
FRWL: During the chess game, Klaus bursts in, distracting Kronsteen's opponent and leading to his boneheaded move that allowed Kronsteen to win the game.
GF: Near the end of the car chase through Goldfinger's facility, Klaus walks out the door, and Bond swerves to avoid him, crashing into the wall.
TB: During the SPECTRE briefing session, Klaus walks in, startling Blofeld and tragically leading to No. 9's death.
YOLT: As the ninjas descend through the fake crater, Klaus does likewise.
OHMSS: Right as Mr. and Mrs. Bond are saying their vows, Klaus barges in.
LALD: In the Fillet of Soul in Harlem, Klaus enters to check the radiation shields and have some quality eatin'.
TMWTGG: As Bond is seducing Saida's stomach, Klaus makes his grand entry, followed by the thugs.
TSWLM: Klaus interrupts the Giza presentation to check the pyramid's radiation shields.
MR: Klaus stows away on the spaceship to check its radiation shields, and gets to make reentry with Bond and Holly.
FYEO: Klaus goes rockclimbing and only just avoids Locque's falling car.
OP: After Bond the clown interrupts the circus performance, Klaus does likewise. The audience accepts this is part of the show as well.
AVTAK: After Mr. Chang drops out, Klaus enters and sadly doesn't notice that the floor has disappeared. Not to worry, though, he survives his fall and makes a full recovery.
TLD: When Bond interrogates Pushkin and takes his mistress's shirt, Klaus makes his entry, but isn't distracted by the sights.
LTK: After the burning Sanchez causes the gas explosion, Klaus enters undeterred from the horrors to check the radiation shields.
GE: Klaus enters Severnaya on loan from America, and is shot by Xenia, but is nursed back to health by Natalya.
TND: After Bond dispatches Dr. Kaufman and tells him that he's also a professional doing a job, Klaus enters and happily proclaims "Me three!" before checking the radiation shields.
TWINE: As Christmas Jones pretends to be a nuclear physicist, Klaus enters with police who arrest Denise Richards for impersonating the real Christmas Jones, apologizes to Bond for the delay.
DAD: As Bond fights Robocop, Klaus enters, only to leap out of the plane. Fortunately, lightning strikes twice and he lands in one piece, much like the CGI cars.
CR: As Bond is being rendered sterile, Klaus barges in to check the shields.
QoS: Klaus makes his way onstage during Tosca and proves to be a supremely talented opera singer.
SF: Klaus enters during the home alone fight in Skyfall manor, and only barely survives the landmine and fire. While in Scotland, he meets the retired Sean Connery and finally sorts out what happened in Las Vegas all those years ago.
Over to you, boys.
An instant classic.
DN - Klaus can briefly be spotted in the final scene on the navy motor launch with Felix. Klaus was fresh to the radiation checking game at this stage and was a Navy Lieutenant [/s]who was to be part of the advance party on Crab Key checking for radiation after the explosion of Dr No's base.
FRWL - Klaus is glimpsed in Venice at the end where he is taking a break from radiation checking and is on his honeymoon having married his childhood sweetheart Emily Geiger.
GF - On secondment from the Navy to the CIA Klaus as part of the Operation Grand Slam counter team, he is seen in the car with the Felix and the Brigadier as one of the guys with the machine with the wavy line - which is clearly a radiation checking machine.
TB - After the successful foiling of Operation Grand Slam Klaus was moving up the ranks and now working for NATO in Europe. There is a cut scene in which he checks the crew before they get on the plane. Sadly Emily had left him due to his obsession with radiation shield checking that very day and it was for this reason Klaus failed to notice that Derval was not wearing the latest model of radiation shield which would have given away the fact he was a SPECTRE's agent. When the post mortem of the Thunderball affair came round they wanted a scapegoat and Klaus was it. He was drummed out of the Navy and had to start looking for freelance radiation shield checking work.
YOLT - After sending his CV to NASA Klaus got a break as they needed someone to man their 'radiation shield checks in orbit' program and were having trouble finding someone with the necessary checking experience. The job of checking astronauts radiation shields had always been a problem - NASA's radiation shield checking bill for 1966 alone was a staggering $500 million - due to the practice of sending a separate spacecraft up to do the checks. It was decided that it would be cheaper for a man to stay permanently in orbit and have him rendezvous with the astronauts once they get up there. Klaus was that man. He can be seen in the PTS floating over to Chris and saying 'There are a few cosmic rays coming our way so I'm just here to check your radiation shield'. Alas minutes after Klaus had drifted back to his pod the efficacy of Chris's radiation shields became rather moot.
Alas the program was terminated in 1968 due to the spiralling cost of constantly supplying Klaus with boxes of Kleenex and pornography which had been rather ill advisedly negotiated as part of the terms of his contract.
OHMSS - Once again unemployed Klaus was struggling to ends meet. In desperation he answered an ad for an experienced radiation shield checker in London. The company he would work for turned out to be the British secret service who needed someone on site to check radiation shields ever since Q branch had started testing radioactive lint by putting it in peoples pockets. Klaus was very overqualified and the job was mostly administrative and rather dull. Also the British climate caused him to be less than his usual affable self. When Klaus saw an opportunity to join the Willard Whyte corporation just outside Vegas he jumped at the chance.
DAF - This was one of the happiest times of Klaus's career. This was what he got into the radiation shield checking game for. No day was the same. One day he would be checking radiation shields in B section, the next in F section. Jurassic Park!
LALD - Following the investigation into the SPECTRE takeover of the Willard Whyte Corporation Klaus narrowly avoided jail time (Dr Metz got 7 years and Tom got 2) and was forced to look for work once again. With the SPECTRE laser satellite fiasco still fresh in people's minds he was persona non grata in the radiation shield checking world for some time. He managed to put his checking skills to use though and got a temporary job for Amtrak where he can be seen checking some parcel forms on the train at the end of the film. But compared to radiation shields this was mundane and his heart was never in it.
TMWTGG - Klaus worked for a short time in Thailand for a private individual who needed his liquid nitrogen checked. He left after only a month under a cloud amid allegations Kra his supervisor molested him. This was a tough time for Klaus and he doesnt like to talk about it.
TSWLM - Fortune smiled on Klaus in '77 and one of his Navy chums gave him a call that the Navy were recruiting mobile sub radiation shield checkers. With Klaus's NASA record of maintaining high shield checking standards in harsh environments he strolled the interview and can be seen being winched down after Bond and Anya to check the USS Wayne's crew-member's shields were up to date. Klaus was part of the captured crew and did his country proud in the battle on the Liparus being awarded a distinguished service cross.
MR - Just as he seemed to have got his life back on track - disaster for Klaus. Now back at NASA his skills were put to use in the 'checking space for huge suspicious space stations being built' dept. Alas when Drax manage to build just such a space station Klaus's defence of 'checking space stations isnt really my field. Now radiation shields....' fell on deaf ears and he was sacked on the spot. He can be seen in the NASA control room looking pretty worried when MGW says 'its over 200m in diameter'. How could you miss that Klaus?
FYEO - Disillusioned with America and they way it had blamed him for failures that werent really his fault Klaus took the momentous decision to defect! He contacted one General Gogol and with the fame of his radiation shield checking abilities well known within the Praesidium it was arranged for him to take a climbing holiday in the Greek mountains. Gogol had to pick something else up in the area so thought he could kill two birds with one stone. Getting Klaus more than made up for the fact that he missed out on the ATAC.
OP - Now a KGB radiation shield checker, Klaus can be seen in the scene where they arm the bomb when he comes into the train carriage and says 'привет, Я проверяю радиационной защиты'.
The second half of 'Check It Out - The Klaus Hergescheimer Story' may come tomorrow or equally it may not.
I didn't realize how disturbing this was going to be until it was done. Poor Klaus.