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Henchmen/women who failed to make the grade

OHMSS69OHMSS69
edited November 2011 in Bond Movies Posts: 2,341
Henchmen are key in Bond films. We have seen memorable ones :Oddjob, Red Grant, May Day,
Lets look back and see which henchman/woman wins the razzie award for being most useless ? Usually the villians can deliver on all points but there are some that kinda fail the grade. List your nominees based on these categories.
The categories are
Sleaziness
lack of charisma
Incompetence

SLEAZINESS; I nominate Vargas and those other heavies in Thunderball and Dario from LTK
LACK OF CHARISMA : Kidd and Wint and of course Knick Knack Heller from LTK
INCOMPETENCE : Professor Dent; Rosie Carver; Jaws in MR; Mr. Kil from DAD

Comments

  • HASEROTHASEROT has returned like the tedious inevitability of an unloved season---
    edited November 2011 Posts: 4,399
    Hans from YOLT... all he did was feed fish, and then became fish food.... i guess his job was to stand there, twirl a key chain, and be german......

    my runner up is Zao from DAD...
  • KerimKerim Istanbul Not Constantinople
    Posts: 2,629
    Sleazy: Dominic Greene

    Lack of Charisma: Stomberg

    Incompetence: Rosie Carver
  • NicNacNicNac Administrator, Moderator
    edited November 2011 Posts: 7,582
    My Razzies go to...

    1. ELVIS (QOS)for sheer sleaziness. He is called 'Elvis' and has a hair cut courtesy of Moe Howard from the 3 Stooges. Durr.

    2. MR BULLION (Goldie in TWINE) for lack of charisma. How can someone who looks so menacing and charismatic be such an uncharismatic wuss?

    How?

    3. SANDOR (baldy guy from TSWLM) for incompetance. Jaws should really be considered truly incompetant because he fails to kill Bond about 300 times, but his iconic status defies such awards. As such, his original partner Sandor gets it. He has one go at killing Bond, fails to shoot him, then fails to kill Bond in a brief tussle, manages to give Bond some important information before finally plunging to his death. Didn't Stromberg get references before employing the man?

    Quite like this thread btw
  • anotherbondgeekanotherbondgeek
    Posts: 423
    Henchmen are key in Bond films. We have seen memorable ones :Oddjob, Red Grant, May Day.
    May Day was terrible :P
    SLEAZINESS; I nominate Vargas and those other heavies in Thunderball and Dario from LTK
    LACK OF CHARISMA : Kidd and Wint and of course Knick Knack Heller from LTK
    INCOMPETENCE : Professor Dent; Rosie Carver; Jaws in MR; Mr. Kil from DAD
    Dent was hardly incompetent- he saw Bond's body in the bed and shot it, and would have killed Bond if he hadn't used up all six bullets beforehand.

    Lack of charisma isn't really a problem in henchmen, it's a problem in allies but not here. The whole point of Wint & Kidd was to be extremely creepy, as it was for Dario and people like Grant and Stamper.
  • ReneMathisReneMathis
    Posts: 165
    Stamper from TND. All muscle and no brain. Apart from machine gunning the surviving sailors he got absolutely everything wrong.
    Dr Kaufman - great character, but one chance & one failure I'm afraid
  • shadowonthesunshadowonthesun Banned
    Posts: 1,894
    I nominate every henchman styled after Red Grant, with the exceptions of Grant himself and Necros. This list includes Gobinda, Stamper, Hans, Kil and every other henchman who is physically imposing and near-mute. They're usually pretty weak and don't do much. The exception is Necros, who actually does something during the story - killing Double-Ohs and attacking the safehouse.
  • Agent007391Agent007391 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
    Posts: 7,854
    May Day was terrible :P
    I have to agree. There is a reason I don't watch AVTAK very often, and it ain't Christopher Walken (who I thought actually made a good villain).
  • HASEROTHASEROT has returned like the tedious inevitability of an unloved season---
    Posts: 4,399
    May Day was terrible :P
    I have to agree. There is a reason I don't watch AVTAK very often, and it ain't Christopher Walken (who I thought actually made a good villain).
    see.. I thought about May Day as well... but she at least executed 3 people... mind you, she used the ol' horror movie route in 2 of those, because the dumb field agents were too "distracted" to check their backseats.. plus May Day might be a ninja - how quick to jump into the backseat of the Rolls as the gate was opening.. thats sheer skill lmao...
  • 00Beast00Beast
    Posts: 4,762
    Time to ressurect this nifty thread that I apparently never saw!

    Here are a few of the most foolish, incompetent henchmen/henchwomen on my list:

    Helga Brandt- what was her usefulness anyways?

    Mr. Osato- You almost want to applaud Blofeld for just shooting him; I mean come on, he sent a car full of gunmen, an entire gang of dock thugs, a 4-helicopter SPECTRE squadron, and three assassins (the one who killed Henderson, the one who killed Aki, and the one who posed as a ninja at Tiger's camp) to eliminate 007, and didn't even come close! I think our search for the Most Useless Henchman Award is over, haha!

    Grunther- He really couldn't take down Tracy? Even with his size? Please...

    Bert Saxby- If you look closely at the wall behind Willard Whyte, when Saxby fires his sniper rifle, his shot misses HORRIBLY. I mean yeah, he's probably no weapons expert, but still, it's not like Whyte was a moving target at 900 yards away! Besides, what purpose did he really even serve?

    Rosie Carver- This one probably goes without saying, haha!

    Kra- Anyone taken down by Mary Goodnight deserves to make this list without question!

    Milton Krest- Other than providing a semi-successful cover operation for Sanchez's drug smuggling ring, did he do much at all?

    Gabor- Other than slaughtering innocent computer workers with a pistol at point blank range, which hardly counts as an achievement, what did he accomplish?

    Davidov- Similiar to Rosie Carver, does this one need explanation?

    (although Mr. Bullion is yet another worthless TWINE henchman, he did at least manage to destroy Zukosvky's hideout and capture Bond and Christmas, so I suppose that counts for something)

    Zao- His biggest achievement was the comeback "How's that for a punchline?"..... #-o

    Mr. Kil- I suppose it's a running theme with the henchmen in TWINE and DAD, but wow, incompetent is an understatement!

    Elvis- Bond literally blew him away! Good thing too, but it should have come much sooner, say, the first time we see him!

  • dramaticscenesofQOSdramaticscenesofQOS
    Posts: 1,282
    How about that jackass in the fishing boat fishing for javronies in AVTAK? I consider him a villain because his scene was kinda off although it was still helpful. I just want to pick on him.....OK seriously...similar to how the guy in the bathroom got the door slammed on his face by Tom Arnold in Austin Powers, but with a guilty henchman....Elvis really got clobbered.


    Least clobbered in the series: the lady who shot Tracy and Baron Samedi.
  • barryt007barryt007
    Posts: 19,339
    Urma Bundt shot Tracy but Baron Samedi was killed by bond punching him into the coffin full of snakes,no woman shot him...who were you thinking of ?
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,281
    barryt007 wrote:
    Urma Bundt shot Tracy but Baron Samedi was killed by bond punching him into the coffin full of snakes,no woman shot him...who were you thinking of ?

    Irma Bunt in fact.
  • barryt007barryt007
    Posts: 19,339
    Thats wot i meant,you will have to forgive an old fart,whose addled alcohol fueled mind isnt what it was ;)
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,281
    barryt007 wrote:
    Thats wot i meant,you will have to forgive an old fart,whose addled alcohol fueled mind isnt what it was ;)

    No worries, just me being pedantic again. Take no notice, dear @barryt007!
  • barryt007barryt007
    Posts: 19,339
    No,its good to be spot-on ...i used to be like that on the old forum ..*sigh*
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,281
    barryt007 wrote:
    No,its good to be spot-on ...i used to be like that on the old forum ..*sigh*

    Not to worry...I'm sure you've still got it!
  • LudovicoLudovico
    Posts: 15,125
    Professor Dent did really well I think, for someone who was a part-time and amateur henchman.
  • barryt007barryt007
    Posts: 19,339
    Dent is the best thing about DN by a mile IMO...
  • JohnBarryFanJohnBarryFan
    Posts: 1,405
    Can someone define "sleaziness" for me?

    Anyhow, the most useless character in Bond history has to be Elvis.
    Remove him from QOS, what do you lose? Action, drama, character interrelationship...nothing would be affected.

    Utterly, boringly USELESS.


    Useless like Marc Forster.
  • OHMSS69OHMSS69
    Posts: 2,341
    JohnBarryFan wrote:
    Can someone define "sleaziness" for me?

    Anyhow, the most useless character in Bond history has to be Elvis.
    Remove him from QOS, what do you lose? Action, drama, character interrelationship...nothing would be affected.

    Utterly, boringly USELESS.


    Useless like Marc Forster.

    Or Lee Tamohora.

    @00Beast Your comments on Mr. Osato are spot on. This man cost SPECTRE more money in his failed attempts. Blofeld killed him not for incompetence but for his misuse of the expense account.
  • TheTragicAuteurTheTragicAuteur Banned
    edited April 2014 Posts: 8
    Mr. Kil. Now there's a name to die for. A borderline racist caricature of a bloodthirsty Maori, obsessed with only one thing- KILling Bond. I'd like a little more depth. The Craig series has to me had the finest henchmen. Such mystery around them as well. I liked Dominic Greene's assistant with the toupee. I wonder what his backstory could be sometimes?
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    Posts: 5,080
    TheTragicAuteur wrote:
    Mr. Kil. Now there's a name to die for. A borderline racist caricature of a bloodthirsty Maori, obsessed with only one thing- KILling Bond. I'd like a little more depth. The Craig series has to me had the finest henchmen. Such mystery around them as well. I liked Dominic Greene's assistant with the toupee. I wonder what his backstory could be sometimes?

    According to Wikipedia-

    '' Amalric and Taubman improvised a backstory for Elvis: he is Dominic's cousin and once lived on the streets before being inducted into Quantum.''
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    edited April 2014 Posts: 18,281
    I plan on publishing my 'The Elvis Apology' later in the year and I hope to change how people view QoS's henchman. It may be a tall order, though! :)) Still, it should be fun to plead the case for the defence.
  • 00Beast00Beast
    Posts: 4,762
    Ludovico wrote:
    Professor Dent did really well I think, for someone who was a part-time and amateur henchman.

    I always have been partial to Professor Dent; I mean in all honesty, it's not like he was a useless henchman. Had Bond not been awoken in the middle of the night, the tarantula most likely would have killed him. His only real mistake was firing all the bullets in his pistol into Ms. Taro's bed- then again, he thought it was Bond, so it wasn't completely his fault. And as @Ludovico mentioned, it's not like he was of the same expertise as Red Grant, Jaws, Oddjob, Necros, etc. For his level of involvement, he did fairly well up to his execution.
  • LudovicoLudovico
    Posts: 15,125
    Dent is maybe the greatest minor character of the franchise. Certainly the greatest minor villain: he is a fallen man, who succumbed to temptation. Not a professional, not a freak, not a killer, just a man who decided, by fear or greed or most likely both, to play a game bigger than his own. But what an obedient servant! If I was a villain, I'd take a henchman like Dent any day.
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,281
    Ludovico wrote:
    Dent is maybe the greatest minor character of the franchise. Certainly the greatest minor villain: he is a fallen man, who succumbed to temptation. Not a professional, not a freak, not a killer, just a man who decided, by fear or greed or most likely both, to play a game bigger than his own. But what an obedient servant! If I was a villain, I'd take a henchman like Dent any day.

    Yes, all this and not a word of him from Fleming. That takes some doing! Kudos to Richard Maibaum and Johanna Harwood (and Berkeley Mather?).
  • dramaticscenesofQOSdramaticscenesofQOS
    Posts: 1,282
    How about the guy on the toilet at the beginning of GE? Or the guy shaking it off at the urinal who later got shot without blood coming out?
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    edited April 2014 Posts: 5,080
    I too find Dent a very interesting character. Oh, I definitely don't find him inept. It was just a small slip (about the bauxite) that lead to a knock on effect and culminated in his death, which is one of the best.
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