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Edit: I just watched it and loved it. I really didn't see where it was going until it was too late. Thanks so much for the recommendation @MajorDSmythe.
I knew when I sat down that Hellraiser: Revelations probably wouldn’t be very good. From what I understand, the film was made on the cheap ($300,000 – less than the original cost even without having to factor in inflation) and quickly, because the rights to the franchise were about to expire unless Dimension made a Hellraiser movie by a certain date. So it was hardly going to live up to the original, but I also figured that it’s not like the previous four DTV sequels set a particularly high bar, so maybe, all things considered, it might be at least a reasonably decent entry.
Well, no. In fact, it might just be the worst one yet. There’s a kernel of a good concept, and I can meet them halfway on certain things (from assuming that the time/budget crunch prevented them from exploring the story in a more thorough way), but the acting is terrible across the board, the script is painfully obnoxious, and most damning of all, they couldn’t even get Pinhead right. Doug Bradley opted not to return for the first time ever (which should have been a hint right from the start that this one wouldn’t measure up – he did Hellseeker for Christ’s sake, but drew the line here), and as a result we get a guy that looks something like a kid at a Fangoria con who dresses up as Pinhead and makes you go “Hey, he put some effort into that!” - but at least that kid would be quoting lines from the original movies instead of saying the shit he says here. There is some amusing irony in the fact that they made this movie specifically to hold onto the Pinhead character and couldn’t even get that much right, but the movie is too bad to enjoy it.
The biggest problem, once again, is focusing on snotty teens. Yes, Kirsty was the heroine of the first film, but the meat of the story was about Frank and Julia, not her. So instead of an interesting/flawed adult protagonist, we have two kids who are bored with life for reasons that are never explained, and decide to drive to Mexico (“Tee-KWA-na”, as one of them reminds us about 900 times), leaving their “nowhere town” (seen to be Los Angeles – OK?) behind. For reasons too boring (and confusing) to explain, they get a hold of the box (how it got to Mexico is, you guessed it, unexplained), unleash “Pinhead”, and disappear.
We learn most of this via video footage that the police found and sent to the parents. The parents of both teens (and the sister of one, who was dating the other) have come together for a really awkward dinner party where they talk to each other (read: the audience) about what little they know, and generally just sort of get pissy at each other. Then one of the boys returns out of nowhere (his sister announces "He's back!" as if he had just been a bit late coming home from basketball practice), and things start to pick up as they try to understand what happened to him and where the other kid went. It’s actually not a bad concept, but director Victor Garcia and his editor can’t ever seem to decide on a perspective to fill in the back story, so the “found footage” type scenes are blended with regular movie footage, and after awhile they abandon the video concept entirely. So instead of using it to slowly unfold a mystery, it comes across more as padding (or pandering, considering how many goddamn found footage movies there are nowadays). The flashbacks come and go with little rhyme or reason, and are oft-repeated; the scene where they first encounter Pinhead is played THREE times in the movie, which prompted me to joke “Maybe it should be called Hellraiser: Rashomon?”, since the “Revelations” subtitle didn’t really make any sense in the movie. We already know everything about Pinhead (né Elliott Spencer), and nothing else concerning the mythology is revealed here.
Luckily, the FX are quite good, and pretty much the only reason to watch the movie – I never tire of seeing people get their skin torn off in these movies. However, it’s a shame that they couldn’t come up with some decent new cenobites to accompany “Pinhead”. We only get two others; a female version of Chatterer, and, I shit you not, a “Sub-Pinhead” of sorts that I swear is just there to make the “real” Pinhead look better by comparison. It’s like “Well I know he’s no Doug Bradley, and we didn’t do a very good job with the design, but look how bad it COULD have been! Now our main Pinhead doesn’t look so bad anymore, right?” Luckily, they keep him to a minimum (if you remove his repeated scenes I’m guessing he’d have 5 minutes of screen-time tops), but that just means spending more time with our awful protagonists, so it’s not exactly a good tradeoff.
At least we know they’ve seen the first movie (I often suspected that wasn’t the case with some of the previous sequels), as the plot of the two kids sort of mirrors Julia and Frank’s from that film, albeit without the love affair (considering Clive Barker often explores homosexuality in his work, I’m surprised they never went there in any of the films). One is skinless and needs the other to bring women back to their place in order to “feast” and become whole again, and since they are in “Tee-KWA-na” this just means a lot of hookers. But since this is an ignorant Dimension production, the hookers are all Asian for some reason, and our lead characters frequently refer to how in Mexico its practically a given that hookers will turn up dead and no one will care because life is so cheap there (Hellraiser: Racism?). Nice.
I could go on and on, but the review is already long enough, and what’s the point? No one involved seemed to really give a shit, and why should they? The film exists to extend their ownership of the property while they work out all the kinks in getting the remake together. But even on that level, I still found it insulting; it takes just as long to hire good actors as it does to hire bad ones, and considering Hellworld was produced in 2002, there should have been a decent script to use floating around somewhere, since they’ve never announced plans to actually STOP making Hellraiser sequels. I can forgive the film’s insular and cheap feel – the original is still the best and that wasn’t exactly a globe trotting adventure with big budget spectacle – but I can’t forgive such cynical laziness. Christ, even the end credits managed to look cheap (I also spotted some mistakes). If they had to make a movie to hold onto the rights, fine – make one, show it to a lawyer, and then burn the negative. But as far as I’m concerned, they don’t DESERVE to hold on to the rights if they are making this sort of trash and asking people to pay for it as if it was a legitimate entry. Hellraiser: Reprehensible?
There it is.
Score: 3 / 10
So expectations should be set to low, nay, very low, then.
As for the Living Dead series, here's my ranking:
1) Dawn
2) Night
...
...
5) Day
...
7) Land
...
...
...
...
...
13) Diary
...
...
...
...
...
...
20) Survival
That last film is just so terrible it made me feel like a zombie when watching it (or trying hard to watch it).
Dimi, you disliked Survival that much? I didn't like it, but I found Diary to be far, far worse.
Teased at the end of Resident Evil: Afterlife, Sienna Guillory confirmed on Twitter that she'll be returning once again as the illustrious Jill Valentine in Resident Evil 5.
"RE:5 alert! Training begins! I aim to mostly put less in the big hole on the front of my face than comes out of the little one on my arse," she stated.
The biggest part of this news is that this basically confirms that Sony Screen Gems is moving ahead with a sequel, as opposed to the eventually-planned reboot using the working title Resident Evil Begins.
There is still no director attached, nor word on Milla Jovovich returning as Alice, but Sony has slated the 3-D sequel for release on September 14, 2012.
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Yipee, I can't wait. Now this one, I will go to the cinima to see. Ditch Alice, and promote Jill to centre stage. [-O< And my congratulations to Sienna on her recent pregnancy. Now let me just go and check my calendar.
I haven't seen The Resident, but I have bought Wake Wood on dvd. I just need to get around to seeing it.
Now is that too much to ask for? [-O<
Incidentally, I watched Wishmaster (for the umpteenth time) a few nights ago. Still blommin' love it after all these years. Never before has a movie manic taken such a sadistic relish in the misery he/it brings on anyone unlucky enough to cross his path. Watching this one, it's unfathomable how the Djin could *wretches*, fall in love in Wishmaster 4.
It's about time I picked this up on DVD, again, after my original copy went the way of the Dodo. This is one series (maybe the only series) where i'd say the original was the best.
Bloody Disgusting has learned that Diemension Films has officially started production on the sequel to Piranha 3D.
Principal photography is now underway in Wilmington, NC on Piranha 3DD, being directed by John Gulager (Feast).
Here's the official plot crunch: "There’s something in the water... again. And this time no one is safe from the flesh eating fish as they sink their razor sharp teeth into the visitors of the best summer attraction, The Big Wet Water Park."
Featuring a talented ensemble cast including Danielle Panabaker (The Crazies, Friday the 13th), Matt Bush (Adventureland), Chris Zylka (The Amazing Spider-Man), David Koechner (Anchorman), Meagan Tandy (Unstoppable), Paul James Jordan, Jean-Luc Bilodeau, Hector Jimenez, Adrian Martinez, Clu Gulager and more cast to be announced soon.
Piranha 3DD is a Dimension Films release, produced by Mark Canton, Marc Toberoff and Joel Soisson. Executive producer Chako van Leeuwen; Co-Produced by Pete Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg.
Piranha 3DD shows its teeth in theaters nationwide on November 23, 2011. The feast is on this Thanksgiving.
DP has been earmarked as a future Lady Smythe since I saw her in the F13 reeboot. In regards to this news, I would like 2 things:
1- Seeing as she's toplining this one (if i'm not mistaken, this is her first leading theatrical role), i'd be nice if her character survives. Unlike F13, The Crazies, and (so i'm told) The Ward.
2- Like Shue in the previous film, I hope she's the paragon of good taste in a film populated by sleaze.
Oh, and Gary Busey has also joined the Cast.
UWE BOLL
The one and only, the 'worst' of his kind. That's right, one of this world's most hated directors was there in person for a Q&A and autograph session. I had the good fortune of talking to him in person, asking about BloodRayne III and if there's ever any chance for a sequel to Far Cry. :P
I'm sorry, guys. I've always had a thing for Boll's films. Their pretentiousness makes me laugh, and sometimes, since the bar is set so low, he manages to surprise me, e.g. Rampage. Boll's work isn't art in the strictest sense, but he may yet amaze us. Apparently in recent times, he's figured out that when his ambitions aren't too high, he can work out decent enough movies. They're still B quality, but I'm told that Auschwitz is in fact really good. Speaking of the latter, it was funny to hear him explain how he wanted to pay respect to the Jews who were killed during the Holocaust, when five minutes later he kept nagging about how only Jews [e.g. Spielberg] seem to think they can make good Holocaust film. :P
Anyway, we didn't make a picture and I still regret that. ;;)
Though on saying that, I do believe that Kristana Loken was a good choice. It's a bloody shame that the film around her wasn't better. In the hands of a director that knew what they were doing (as well as actually played the games) they could have made cultishly (engrave that on something) cool films. I could always buy the film rights of Boll, and have a go myself. Join the campaign:
MajorDSmytheforBloodraynedirector.co.uk
Classic movie; three dimensional characters, great special effects, awesome sound.
Each time I watch it, I'm reminded of the first time..... the shock of Dallas being killed (he was the hero- wasn't he?)..... very classy.....
I'll put my head on the block and say that IMHO, the only Alien beater is Carpenter's The Thing.....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dana_Wynter
Dana Wynter passed away today at age 79.
She was most famous for "The Invasion of the Bodysnatchers" 1956
She was such a beautiful lady. RIP
EDIT
Apparantly, she has an uncredited role in Lady Godiva Rides again (that starred Diana Dors). I might give that a re-watch.
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I watched Bloodrayne 3: The Blood Reich, a few days ago. As a big fan of the 2 games, I wasn't expecting much, but I was quite surprised. Whether it's because of the film uses a stripped down version of the first games plot, or just plain old 3rd time lucky, it's actually the best of the 3 films (some might say that's not much). Not that i'm a prude or anything just a fanboy of the games, but I think all the nookie was a bit much, both Rayne/Nathaniel and Rayne/Female Prostitute.
They still can't quite nail the character of Rayne. The games can be bought really cheap now, Mr Boll. *hint* *hint* Whereas Loken had the right look but not the attitude in the first film, Malthe had neither the look or the attitude in the second film, here she still doesn't have the look, but she does had the attitude (sort of).Don't get me wrong, she's certainly easy on the eye, i'd just like it if they tried to get her look and attitude right. If the films are going to contine, please could someone cut Malthes hair and dye it (again, sorry, i'm a fanboy of the games :-W ).
p.s. I didn't want to start a new thread just for this movie