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Fav Bond Humor Scenes

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  • actonsteveactonsteve
    Posts: 1,492
    "yes, that last hand nearly killed me.."

    The way Craig delivered that line in CR brought the house down in the cinema I watched it in...

    I do have a soft spot for

    "Forgive me father, for I have sinned.."
    "Thats putting it mildly 007.."
  • ZekidkZekidk
    Posts: 3,276
    YOLT - "what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this"
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,187
    I'm all for Connery's "who is your floor"? line in DAF. Cracks me up every time.
  • Jones_The_BondJones_The_Bond
    Posts: 344
    TMWTGG - "Speak now or forever hold your piece" (with gun pointed at golden bullet maker's groin)

    DAF -
    "Hi, I'm Plenty!"
    "But of course you are"
    "Plenty O'Toole"
    "Named after your father, perhaps?"

    And, perhaps my favourite, surprisingly comes from the unofficial Bond, that wasn't even the best Bond film that year

    NSNA -
    Fatima Blush: Oh, how reckless of me. I made you all wet
    Bond: Yes, but my martini is still dry
  • TheWizardOfIceTheWizardOfIce 'One of the Internet's more toxic individuals'
    Posts: 9,117
    TB and DAF probably have the funniest selection.

    'See you later irrigator'

    'Dont worry - I'll tell the chef'

    'I think I had a hat when I came in'

    'Wait till you get to my teeth'

    'Do you mind if my friend sits this one out. Shes just dead'

    'I was referring to the original vintage on which the sherry is based. 1861.'

    'Mrs Whistler did want some pictures of the canals for the children.
    How thoughtful Mr Kidd. The children will be so thrilled'

    'Alimentary Dr Leiter'

    'My condoloences gentlemen'

    'Youve caught me with more than my hands up'
  • DB5DB5
    Posts: 408
    In TLD Dalton- "Salt corrosion"
  • Baltimore_007Baltimore_007
    Posts: 5,634
    There was a scene in License to Kill where Dalton arrives at the Casino in Isthmus and he has his hair all slicked back, some people thought he looked like a drowned rat or even took issue with it. Don't really have a problem with it but it does make me laugh sometimes whenever I watch it

    also when he wakes up at the Sanchez residence in bed after the attack by the Hong Kong narcotics agents and the first thing he sees is a fish face sculpture at the end of his bed and gets a shock, that was also mildly amusing for some reason
  • X3MSonicXX3MSonicX https://www.behance.net/gallery/86760163/Fa-Posteres-de-007-No-Time-To-Die
    Posts: 2,635
    There's also that short dialogue between Natalya and Bond in the Elevator at the Janus "control" base. After the pen explodes, they run to it, Bond say some things, and Natalya says...
    -"I'm fine Bond, Thanks."
    -"...Huh?"
    His reaction is hilarious. LOL-4.png

  • Baltimore_007Baltimore_007
    Posts: 5,634
    It hasn't been mentioned here this time but I'll say it again and that end sequence on the ocean liner with Connery and St John and Mr Wint and Kidd turn up at the end of Diamonds, it's one of my favorite bits of the entire film

    'I've smelt that after shave before and both times I've smelt a rat'
  • SmiertSpionomSmiertSpionom
    Posts: 23
    X3MSonicX wrote:
    There's also that short dialogue between Natalya and Bond in the Elevator at the Janus "control" base. After the pen explodes, they run to it, Bond say some things, and Natalya says...
    -"I'm fine Bond, Thanks."
    -"...Huh?"
    His reaction is hilarious. LOL-4.png

    That looks like the fish face Baltimore_007 was talking about. :D
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    One of the few things I like about DAF:

    James Bond: The wine is quite excellent. Although for such a grand meal I would have expected a claret.

    Mr. Wint: But of course. Unfortunately our cellar is poorly stocked with clarets.

    James Bond: Mouton Rothschild IS a claret. And, I've smelled that aftershave before, and both times - I've smelled a rat.
  • DRESSED_TO_KILLDRESSED_TO_KILL Suspended
    Posts: 260
    Im glad Daniel Craig doesn't quip like Connery or Moore. Seriously the producers eventually went overboard with the humor in some of the Connery movies and all of Moore's. I find it hard to believe a highly trained spy would be quipping after a brutal fight to the death.


    BEST BONDS IN MY opinion

    1.Daniel Craig
    2.Sean Connery
    3.Timothy Dalton
    4.Pierce Brosnan
    5.George L
    6.Roger Moore
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    "Red wine with fish. Well that should have told me something."

    "You won't be needing this...Old Man."

    From the master himself, in his best film, #2 in the franchise.
  • SmiertSpionomSmiertSpionom
    Posts: 23
    To me the funniest moments are those where the humor is unnintentional.
    Like in DN where the guard in the boat is trying to intimidate trespassers in Crab Key. He speaks through a megafone in his best tough guy voice, "You are warned, we'll be back, but we'll be back with the dogs". Lowers megafone and says to his buddies "full speed ahead" still in his megafone voice.
    Villains dying - Kronsteen when stabbed with the poisonous blade, He looks to me like he's saying, "Does anyone know where the nearest toilet is?, pleeease?"
    and Hai Fat when shot just looks like he has a bad cough.
  • TheWizardOfIceTheWizardOfIce 'One of the Internet's more toxic individuals'
    Posts: 9,117
    'What a helpful chap' probably my favourite line in the series along with 'Do you mind if my friend sits this one out....'

    Brilliant comic timing by Rog.
  • identigraphidentigraph
    Posts: 1,052
    Always liked the "not mad on his tailor line" from Connery in FRWL

    "I'm an early rise myself" AVTAK

    "I've never killed a midget before" TMWTGG

    "What a helpful chap" is a classic

    I think the best humourous moment from Timbo is the scene where Q Turns up in LTK "We mus be related".
  • 00Beast00Beast
    Posts: 4,762
    One of the few good lines in Goldfinger
    "Now here this Goldfinger, your luck has just changed. I doubt that the Miami Beach Police would take kindly to what you're doing. Now start losing Goldfinger, shall we make it $10,000? Oh let's be generous, make it $15,000! Nod your head if you agree. NOD!" (instead of nodding, Goldfinger does a really gross jelly roll chin fold that cracks me up every time!)
  • thelivingroyalethelivingroyale
    edited April 2012 Posts: 12,837
    I love the defection scene in TLD, when Bond says "you're the 1st" Kozkovs reaction is priceless.

    I also like the bit at the start of Goleneye, when Bond says "forgot to knock" and beats the crap out of that guy on the toilet!

    Also, I like one of the few bits of humour in CR "the whole worlds gona know that you died scratching my balls!" That cracked me up.
  • 00Beast00Beast
    Posts: 4,762
    One of my absolute die-laughing favorites is in A View to a Kill, when Bond and Sir Godfrey Tibbett are on the balcony of Bond's room talking about their cover. Bond notices Stacey Sutton getting out of her helicopter, and upon seeing Bond's interest in her, the following conversation ensues:

    Tibbett: "We are on a mission."
    Bond: "Sir Godfrey, on a mission, I am expected to sacrifice myself."



    :-j Makes me roar with laughter every time! Roger's delivery and facial expression is pure gold!
  • Baltimore_007Baltimore_007
    Posts: 5,634
    Dalton's hanging by his fingertips over the cocaine grinder in License to Kill and Bouvier turns up and says (what was it), 'Are you alright?', I think that was it

    'Switch the bloody machine off!'

    #-o
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,351
    The Living Daylight. "I know a great restaurant in Kirachi!"
  • Goldeneye95Goldeneye95
    Posts: 546
    Goldeneye-

    The entire scene with Pierce Bronsan & Famke Janssen.

    Xenia-You don't need the gun Commander.

    Bond-It depends on your definition of safe sex!

    Then at the end of the scene Pierce Bronsan says:

    Bond-No, no, no! No more 4 play! Now take me to Janus.

    Xenia-BIOTCH!!!
  • Baltimore_007Baltimore_007
    Posts: 5,634
    Is that was Onatopp said ? I thought it was just some random curse in Georgian or something. I didn't find too much humor in Goldeneye, as I always see it as a serious release, at least with Brosnan. The comic idea of having some woman crush men with their thighs seems a bit ridiculous in retrospect, but that's just one mans perspective

    Once again, for the purpose of this thread, and in no order -


    The killing of the tarantula in Dr No - outrageous sound effects, just did it

    Auric Goldfinger getting a little heated, during the talk of the Fort Knox raid

    George Lazenby and his "Never mind all that - go and fetch the brandy - five star hennessy of course"

    Sean Connery getting beaten up by Bambi and Thumper, Diamonds

    Yaphet Kotto at the end of Live and Let Die. Even better when Seymour asks - "where did Kananga go"

    Sheriff Pepper in the somersault car at the Bridge in Thailand, Golden Gun

    That nonsense chase through the streets of India in Octopussy. "You'd better put this back yourself" etc

    Moore and Walken on the Golden Gate Bridge, SF. View to a Kill

    Brosnan and Kaufman in TND. The entire sequence

    Brosnan 'painface' with Elektra King. Torture chair, Istanbul, TWINE

    Seeing one of the actors from 'Reservoir Dogs' in Die Another Day

    The LeChiffre / Bond genitals violation sequence from Royale

    Jellyfish animations and CGI Komodo Dragons in Skyfall
  • OHMSS69OHMSS69
    Posts: 2,341
    LTK
    Sharkey: "What a waste"
    Bond looks at him.
    Sharkey :"I mean the money."

    The look on Sharkey's face just did it for me.
  • forgotmyusernameforgotmyusername
    Posts: 2,782
    When PB shoots Electra...hilarious.

    Sean shoots Dent...side splitting.

    Tracey shot dead, the look of the policeman...I cried so much.

  • 00Beast00Beast
    Posts: 4,762
    I've always loved the Bond/Q "Gadget Time" scene from Thunderball, it's quite hilarious in my book!
  • AgentJamesBond007AgentJamesBond007 Vesper’s grave
    Posts: 2,632
    Victor Tourjansky! He's probably the best series of cameos in the Bond films (not MGW)

    drinkingtourist.jpg
  • X3MSonicXX3MSonicX https://www.behance.net/gallery/86760163/Fa-Posteres-de-007-No-Time-To-Die
    Posts: 2,635
    All of the Q scenes from GE to DAD. They're amazing and classic!
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Thunderball is pretty hilarious. Some of my favorites:

    *When Bond is called into the conference room and MP says the Home Secretary called all the 00s in, he says "His wife probably lost her dog."

    *When Bond is shooting clay pigeons with Largo and makes the comment about how difficult it looks, then shoots with dead on precision, barely looking and saying "Why no, it isn't, is it?" Largo got trolled BIG TIME. :))

    *Bond's famous "Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She's just dead" after Fiona dies. Reminds me of DN's scene where he leaves a dead Mr. Jones in the back of his car near the beginning at the Government House and asks the man at the door to make sure he doesn't get away.

    *Another wink to DN is when Bond gets done with his high speed ride with Fiona and he tells her he has always been a "nervous passenger". That was always gets a smirk out of me. Also in that scene is this funny exchange:

    Fiona: Some men just don't like to be driven.
    Bond: No, some men don't like to be taken for a ride.

    *I crack up when Bond tries to act like the boat he and Paula are in is crapped out so that he can get a ride from Domino. Paula's purposely eye rolling/exaggerated acting is hilarious.

    *When Pat Fearing comments on Bond's injury and he says it was from a widow with a poker, referring to Bouvar. She says "Really? I'd have thought you were just the type for a widow", and Bond answers "Not this one. He didn't like me at all." Pat's expression when Bond says "he" is drop dead hilarious.

    *The great Bond/Q scene:

    Q: It is to be handled with special care!
    James Bond: Everything you give me...
    Q: ...is treated with equal contempt. Yes, I know.

    Basically every scene (in the franchise) with Desmond in it is instantly classic.

    *The bathroom scene:

    Fiona: Aren't you in the wrong room, Mr. Bond?
    Bond: Not from where I'm standing.

    And then when she asks Bond to give her something to put on and he just hands her sandals! :))

    *Bond is about to get shot by Largo before Domino shoots him with a harpoon:

    Domino: I'm glad I killed him.
    James Bond: You're glad?

    *Bond 1-ups Lippe in classic fashion:

    Count Lippe: [after Bond slides a broom handle through the handles of doors on a sitting steam bath that Lippe is in] What the hell do you think you're doing?
    Bond: Now don't you worry, I'll tell the chef!
    Count Lippe: Let me out of this bloody machine!

    *I love when Bond calls his underwater jet pack the kitchen sink.

    Thunderball has some of the greatest humor in the entire franchise, which is shocking for such a plot as this.
  • Baltimore_007Baltimore_007
    Posts: 5,634
    'Don't touch that, that's my lunch' - Goldeneye. I actually like the way Brosnan inspects it as if it's some kind of Q branch gadget

    When Simonova attacks Grishenko at the Cuba facility and Trevelyan smiles

    When Simonova is trying to track Boris on the Soviet missile train before it explodes and doesn't realize the password. (arse, buns etc). "You sit on it, but you can't take it with you" - Brosnan - "Chair"

    When Brosnan laughs in Hamburg as the tires inflate after being punctured. Tomorrow Never Dies

    When Carver's heavies try to smash their way in to Bond's car - "Get ze sledgehammers"

    When Carver's heavies are trying to beat up Bond in the Hamburg conference center room, TND. "Put him in ze chair, maybe we play a leetle number on ze head"

    When Brosnan and Wai Lin escape from the Carver building in Saigon down the outside. "Puff, pant, whew, next time I'll take the elevator"
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