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Explain a Bond Film Plot Badly

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  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,361
    SF: Terrorist has mommy issues.
    SP: Terrorist has daddy issues.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,835
    Murdock wrote: »
    SF: Terrorist has mommy issues.
    SP: Terrorist has daddy issues.

    Hahahahahahahah!!!! good one!
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    edited October 2017 Posts: 28,694
    Dr. No: The goddess Venus gets crabs after coming down from Olympus to visit James Bond while the spy gears up to stop a pseudo-doctor with a glorified fish tank.

    From Russia with Love: In a 1960s take on Tinder, James Bond sets up a romance with a Russian chick after seeing her photograph and together they retrieve an old-timey typewriter/computer/printer/fax machine for the MI6 offices.

    Goldfinger: In order to turn the tide of a millionaire madman's plot to irradiate Fort Knox's gold, James Bond must first turn a quasi-lesbian.

    Thunderball: Sean Connery stars in Jacques Cousteau's first film about Bahamian aquatic life.

    You Only Live Twice: A Scotsman playing an English spy turns into a Japanese fisherman. Also ninjas.

    On Her Majesty's Secret Service: While working as a part time lifeguard in Portugal, James Bond falls in love with a woman who can't swim and quickly plans to put a ring on her finger after her father sells her to him. Meanwhile, Kojak takes time away from his detective work to nefariously study allergies in the Swiss Alps alongside a harem of beautiful women from around the world. To stop Kojak's scheme, Bond must dress up as an Oxford nerd to uncancel Christmas before getting the quickest divorce in movie history.

    Diamonds Are Forever: Sean Connery stars as Philip Marlowe in a Vegas set mystery implicating gay hitmen, big busted gold-diggers, jewel smugglers, body guards named after Disney characters and an old rival with a pussy fetish.



    The Living Daylights: James Bond makes beautiful music with a cellist and joins a terrorist cell in the desert to challenge the corrupt motivations of a history buff and his Dutch Russian puppet.

    Licence To Kill: The James Bond franchise continues to show why weddings are a bad idea as the English spy crosses over with "Miami Vice" to put a stop to Scarface's latest drug scheme.



    Casino Royale: During a high stakes Go Fish game in Montenegro, James Bond distrusts everyone except the one woman he really shouldn't have trusted.

    Quantum of Solace: Following a bad breakup, James Bond experiences the dangers of going green and helps thirsty people.

    Skyfall: Julian Assange takes time out of his busy anti-government revolution to mess with James Bond and his boss.

    Spectre: In a mad game of sibling rivalry, James Bond screws a woman he widowed, heads to therapy, hits the set of "Casablanca" 73 years too late and stops Professor Moriarty in the heart of London without the aid of Holmes or Watson.
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,361
    One rises to meet a challenge. ;)
  • mattjoesmattjoes Pay more attention to your chef
    Posts: 7,058
    TLD: A man who hides a secret in his shoe gets placed inside a bag.
  • Fire_and_Ice_ReturnsFire_and_Ice_Returns I am trying to get away from this mountan!
    Posts: 25,435
    You Only Live Twice Bond wears a wig on top of another wig.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 3,000
    TWINE: A strong, independent woman breaks through the glass ceiling in the oil industry, while cheating on her dying boyfriend with a man who makes strange faces.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Pay more attention to your chef
    Posts: 7,058
    BMW_with_missiles wrote: »
    TWINE: A strong, independent woman breaks through the glass ceiling in the oil industry, while cheating on her dying boyfriend with a man who makes strange faces.

    :))
  • Fire_and_Ice_ReturnsFire_and_Ice_Returns I am trying to get away from this mountan!
    Posts: 25,435
    Goldeneye - Skyfall an incompetent matriarch treats her best agent like a baby.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Goldeneye: Sean Bean dies in this one too.
  • Fire_and_Ice_ReturnsFire_and_Ice_Returns I am trying to get away from this mountan!
    Posts: 25,435
    Skyfall Bond dies then is resurrected as an elderly man and forgets the last two films he was in.

    Spectre Bond remembers the last two films before the last film, and has gained a step though gets his ass kicked by a WWE wrestler, though decides not to kill The author of all his pain
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,691
    TSWLM:A man with webbed hands gets himself in deep water then ends up sleeping with the fishes.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    edited October 2017 Posts: 28,694
    The World is Not Enough: James Bond teams up with Lara Croft and learns what it's like to live the life of a cat.
  • PropertyOfALadyPropertyOfALady Colders Federation CEO
    Posts: 3,675
    0BradyM0Bondfanatic7 wrote: »
    The World is Not Enough: James Bond teams up with Lara Croft and learns what it's like to live the life of a cat.

    Ha!
  • Fire_and_Ice_ReturnsFire_and_Ice_Returns I am trying to get away from this mountan!
    edited October 2017 Posts: 25,435
    Die Another Day Bond grows a beard and is tortured twice by Madonna.
  • M_BaljeM_Balje Amsterdam, Netherlands
    edited October 2017 Posts: 4,538
    Twine: How you feel a life, if not ever get change to live.
    Die Another Day: Superman vs Robocop on ice. Analyice this..
    CR: Rise of the planet of Bond: Donkey Kong is back. Bad banana shake get him..
    QOS: Get in.. Time to race.. in car, in boat, in airplane..
    Skyfall: Silva wanna play, do you play this game with him. 7....... 3... 2.. 1. Start
    Spectre: The game contuned: You mission is level 45 with 15 lifes. But watch out the deaths are waiting on you on level 39 and on level 44 you has one life left to beat the devil.
    Property of A Lady: This is faild point of Mission you know it will end. Gameover. goodnews: You can always start writing again.. the badnews: writing is so 1918.. it is 2019.. you let somebody write for you.. wait a moment: Spectre writer. : Ghost Writer. Eigenaardig allemaal.. Please translate for who don't speak Dutch: word play with word ''Owner'' (English for Eigenaar in Dutch) and ''Suspission' (anti trust).
  • jobojobo
    edited October 2017 Posts: 7,507
    TLD: Cello girl meets the Mujahedin

    Or:

    TLD: That is highly classified information. Need to know basis only. I am sure you'll understand.
  • LeonardPineLeonardPine The Bar on the Beach
    Posts: 4,087
    LTK: Bloke wants revenge for his best friend being murdered, only he wasn't quite dead and wants to now go fishing......
  • barryt007barryt007
    edited October 2017 Posts: 19,339
    TLD : Man jumps out of a plane and then uses a brain-dead skinny bird who, can play a cello, to catch two blokes with the aid of the Taliban.
  • BennyBenny Shaken not stirredAdministrator, Moderator
    Posts: 15,171
    OP : Dodgy Afghan Prince and Dodgy Soviet General plot to start WW3 using a circus.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Die Another Day: "James Bond and a black stereotype do the kind of damage to Korea that a certain orange world leader could envy."
  • jobojobo
    Posts: 7,507
    GE: Filthy girl loses her life after kinky sex life gets out of hand...
  • barryt007barryt007
    edited October 2017 Posts: 19,339
    Goldfinger : Secret agent gets caught,sits on his arse and goes for nice strolls,shags and converts a lesbian ,electrocutes a mute & watches a fat man get sucked out of a window.
  • jobojobo
    Posts: 7,507
    GF: Turning from lesbian to straight is indeed the same as turning from evil to good
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,835
    Fire_and_Ice_Returns wrote: »
    Skyfall Bond dies then is resurrected as an elderly man and forgets the last two films he was in.

    Spectre Bond remembers the last two films before the last film, and has gained a step though gets his ass kicked by a WWE wrestler, though decides not to kill The author of all his pain

    ROTFLMAO
  • noSolaceleftnoSolaceleft
    Posts: 1,162
    BMW_with_missiles wrote: »
    TWINE: A strong, independent woman breaks through the glass ceiling in the oil industry, while cheating on her dying boyfriend with a man who makes strange faces.

    Excellent! And what a great way to put it in political correct terms. Says actually all about the concept of political correctness.
  • sirseanisbondsirseanisbond
    edited October 2017 Posts: 2,189
    Live And Let Die: James Bond walks into a Blaxploitation film...
  • StrogStrog
    edited October 2017 Posts: 684
    The Man With the Golden Gun: In order to kill an assassin who's second to none, Bond goes undercover as a waxwork.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,835
    DAF: Bond chokes and slaps women so he can play with a toy sub.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    TND A publisher wants to make the best ad ever: WW3.
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