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Explain a Bond Film Plot Badly

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  • Andi1996RueggAndi1996Ruegg Hello. It's me, Evelyn Tremble.
    Posts: 2,005
    GF: Pussy, galore.
  • sirseanisbondsirseanisbond
    Posts: 2,189
    DN: James Bond Travels to Jamaica to learn the street price of conch shells in Miami.

    FRWL: Why you should never let people tape you having sex without your knowledge.

    GF: A captive man with no more options must rape a lesbian to help save the world.

    TB: Have sex with her underwater "before" you tell her that her brother died.

    YOLT: Rogue man-eating spaceship threatens worldwide nuclear war.

    OHMSS: The one time James Bonds car "didn't" have bullet proof glass.

    DAF: Eccentric evil millionaire steals the identity of an eccentric American billionaire.

    LALD: A heroin dealer is "obsessed" with trick disappearing restaurant tables.

    TMWTGG: You can get into any party or private house if you have three nipples.

    TSWLM: A British secret agent "penetrates deep" behind enemy Russian lines.

    MR: A now "camp" film series about a spy tries to capitalize on the success of Star Wars.

    FYEO: Margret Thatcher has an extended telephone conversation with a parrot.

    OP: A high-stakes backgammon player is unaccustomed to the idea of loaded dice.

    AVTAK: An old man with too much eyeliner pretends to be an effective British agent.

    TLD: A shakespearean actor fails to master the art of playing the coolest man alive.

    LTK: MI6 snipers have no regard for a US national landmark in the Florida keys.

    GE: The compulsive pen-clicking of a computer hacker ends up saving London.

    TND: Bond murders Rupert Murdock, saving rural America from being brainwashed.

    TWINE: Checkoff's gun also applies to helicopters with hanging saw blades.

    DAD: Two men who recklessly endanger bystanders with a sword fight are not charged.

    CR: A man who looks like a Russian sailor plays a beloved British film hero well.

    QOS: A man watches a friend die in his arms and steals his wallet.

    SF: Sean Connery turns down what would have been the best film cameo of all time.

    SP: A man dumped by Kate Winslet is inexplicably allowed to direct another Bond film.
  • chrisisallchrisisall Brosnan Defender Of The Realm
    Posts: 17,835
    SPECTRE: Author of all my pain, bro? Back at ya.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 3,000
    sirseanisbond wrote: »
    OHMSS: The one time James Bonds car "didn't" have bullet proof glass.

    CR: A man who looks like a Russian sailor plays a beloved British film hero well.

    SP: A man dumped by Kate Winslet is inexplicably allowed to direct another Bond film.

    These are the best!
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 13,941

    DAF. Jimmy Dean.
    LTK. Wayne Newton.
    DAD. Madonna.
    CR. Richard Branson.
  • JamesBondKenyaJamesBondKenya Danny Boyle laughs to himself
    edited December 2017 Posts: 2,730
    SF: Bond attempts to save M but the she gets killed. Bond attempts to save an art collecter but then he gets killed. Bond attempts to save a Bond girl but then she gets killed.

    SP: A step brother vows to never let his brother live in peace.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    FYEO Max the parrot saves the day.
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    Thunderfinger wrote: »
    FYEO Max the parrot saves the day.
    And they didn't even give him a kiss!
  • Andi1996RueggAndi1996Ruegg Hello. It's me, Evelyn Tremble.
    Posts: 2,005
    OHMSS: Not the other fellow.
  • sirseanisbondsirseanisbond
    edited December 2017 Posts: 2,189
    DN: A geology professor attempts to orchestrate a series of sloppy murders for a chinaman.

    FRWL: A chess player and an old sadist wench direct a kinky international revenge porno.

    GF: An elaborate deep-state hoax to convince people that there is still gold in Fort Knox.

    TB: A sinister international organization plots to make a mockery of Big Ben.

    YOLT: The head of MI6 and his staff spends months on board a submarine just to brief 1 agent.

    OHMSS: A Heraldry professor travels to a Swiss ski club to learn how Christmas Trees are grown.

    DAF: A cruise ship sinks when a homosexual with a bomb between his legs goes overboard.

    LALD: James Bond buys hundreds of Tarot card decks to make one loaded deck so he can get laid.

    TMWTGG: A dimwitted American is inexplicably on vacation in South East Asia in 1974.

    TSWLM: The only similarity between the book and the film is the title.

    MR: Elon Musk in the 1970's.

    FYEO: James Bond must put up with "Countess Von Fingerbang".

    OP: The guy Darth Vader force chokes on the Death Star now works for the US Air Force.

    AVTAK: Elon Musk in the 1980's?

    TLD: James Bond frees Osama Bin Laden from a Soviet prison.

    LTK: Cocaine and Gasoline.

    GE: A man gives a masochistic woman the best squeeze of her life.

    TND: I wish real spies would do this to Rupert Murdoch and Fox News.

    TWINE: The head of MI6 almost lets Istambul get destroyed because she cant tipp a clock over the right way.

    DAD: Kim Jong Un must have commissioned the state to create an alternate ending to this by now.

    CR: Where was Bond 5 years, 2 months, and 6 days before the release of this movie?

    QoS: Discount Spectre.

    SF: James Bond is bad at his job.

    SP: James Bond Writers are bad at their jobs.
  • Some_Kind_Of_HeroSome_Kind_Of_Hero
    Posts: 6,844
    RichardTheBruce wrote: »
    DAF. Jimmy Dean.
    LTK. Wayne Newton.
    DAD. Madonna.
    CR. Richard Branson.

    QOS. Elvis
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    Posts: 14,003
    AVTAK - An old man fights a nazi freak atop a bridge.
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    FRWL: Red wine and fish gives you away.
  • SaintMarkSaintMark
    Posts: 7,653
    CR - cardgames and death

    QOS - arty farty vomit inducing bad actionscenes, baddie is a dick and 007 does not listen

    SF - M dies whether 007 shows up or not, he that is not Apocalypse now!

    SP - Sadly Blofeld is back 007 in form is not, blame his stepbrother
  • mattjoesmattjoes Pay more attention to your chef
    Posts: 7,058
    GF - Industrialist tries to gold-obssessed detonate a Fort in dirty bomb Knox to value the stock of his own increase
  • Andi1996RueggAndi1996Ruegg Hello. It's me, Evelyn Tremble.
    Posts: 2,005
    CR: A British spy, an American agent and an Albanian SPECTRE banker enter a Casino in Montenegro...
  • FromCanadaWithLoveFromCanadaWithLove Canada
    Posts: 612
    TND: print media tries to stay relevant
    DAD: robocop makes the most expensive mirror, sends it in to space.
    CR: MI6 intern messes everything up.
    SF: guy who was too young in the last movie is somehow too old in this movie.

  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 3,000
    TWINE: An oil executive learns the consequences of choosing poorly when accessorizing one’s outfit.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 3,000
    SF: Bond experiences his #MeToo moment.
    tumblr_njdk9bRZVG1rgv5s5o1_500.gif
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    TMWTGG: They don’t know what the main villain looks like, but they know he has a third nipple.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 3,000
    ClarkDevlin wrote: »
    TMWTGG: They don’t know what the main villain looks like, but they know he has a third nipple.

    Sending Bond on a mission mistakenly tracking down Chandler Bing.
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 3,000
    TSWLM: A wealthy businessman’s attempts to open a resort at sea are thwarted by a concerned marine biologist.
  • ClarkDevlinClarkDevlin Martinis, Girls and Guns
    Posts: 15,423
    BMW_with_missiles wrote: »
    ClarkDevlin wrote: »
    TMWTGG: They don’t know what the main villain looks like, but they know he has a third nipple.
    Sending Bond on a mission mistakenly tracking down Chandler Bing.
    Could this be any more awkward? :))
  • w2bondw2bond is indeed a very rare breed
    Posts: 2,252
    SF: A woman loses a hard drive
    QOS: Two Teachers on holiday lose their stationery
  • LegionnaireLegionnaire
    edited October 2018 Posts: 142
    SP: The Golden Swann escapes from the castle of her father the Pale King, and is rescued from highwaymen by the errant knight, both are then captured and imprisoned in a meteorite by the dark lord, evil step brother of the errant knight.
  • NicNacNicNac Administrator, Moderator
    Posts: 7,585
    Dr NoSome men kill another man, then a man kills himself, then Bond kills the men who killed the first man, then he kills another man who tries to kill him, then some men kill the man who helped Bond and then Bond finally kills the man who sent the men to kill the first man.
  • NicNacNicNac Administrator, Moderator
    Posts: 7,585
    From Russia With Love James Bond and the baddies fight over a really nice typewriter.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 13,941
    Skyfall: Bond fall.
  • CraigMooreOHMSSCraigMooreOHMSS Dublin, Ireland
    Posts: 8,236
    Villain attempts to beat James Bond. Fails.
  • LegionnaireLegionnaire
    edited October 2018 Posts: 142
    SF: After taking a leisurely motorcycle tour of the souks in Turkey and later relaxing in a seaside resort, an export salesman goes to Macau where he wins at the gambling tables and settles accounts with his creditors. Then while on a diner cruise around the harbor the ship is boarded by thieves and gangsters who kidnap and murder a girl. The gang leader is imprisoned in a glass house, while the export salesman drives out to visit the family mansion, which is located in the middle of a swamp. A bunch of hooligans decide to trash the house believing that was a party house rental that they had found on social media. The salesman runs to a nearby chapel where he gets some exercise tips from a local gamekeeper. Returning to his office he is awarded the Order of the Ceramic Dog by his secretary who once shot him for leaving her stranded in Istanbul with a smashed up car, while he and a guy he had met at the market took the express train.
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