Making Fun of Your Favorite Super Spy

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  • SIS_HQSIS_HQ At the Vauxhall Headquarters
    edited May 2023 Posts: 3,800
    I've created a funny Bond Girls story, I'm also interested to see your opinions and thoughts. It actually cost and took me maybe 2 hours to complete this story, just an effort!

    Hope you guys enjoy my little story 😊



    Bondrama Girls (To All The Girls I've Loved Before)

    Bond's funeral was already set, Bond had been died due to age and illnesses that he suffered throughout his career since 1962.

    Since, there's no one to take care of his funeral and his fortunes as he had no family left, his newlywed wife, Tracy had died back in 1969, Moneypenny took some time to call in all of Bond's previous lovers.

    As they're all arrived at the funeral, Moneypenny announced about Bond's fortunes, which is the total sum of money that Bond had worked throughout his career, in short, his uncollected salaries, pension, and his London flat; one that was shown in Dr. No and in Live And Let Die.
    But as Moneypenny announced, it's only one of his past lovers who could have it all, Mary Goodnight already got M's endorsement, but the other Bond Girls disagreed.

    Pam Bouvier:Wait, wait, wait, why she? (Referring to Goodnight), did James really loved her? For all I know, he promised his love for me, when we're in Acapulco!
    Solitaire: Really? Did he? I thought it's me! He promised me everything, he even told me that we're lovers! He saved me from danger and death!
    Kara Milovy: Oh poor girls, actually, if there's one woman whom Bond really loved, it's me, we have so much great time together, he acted to me like he's my fiance, all he wanted was to make me happy and safe, and he did.

    (Octopussy arrives, wearing a black coat with a black hat reminiscent of the Victorian Era type of hat, with gloves and fine framed shades on her face, the Bond Girls saw her and starting to make gossips with each other).
    Tiffany Case: Oh, there she is! The rich criminal mastermind who wanted to have James killed! Are you here for his fortunes too? But I thought you're already a rich girl?!
    Octopussy: Shut up! I'm here, because his death really hurts me, I love him!
    Tiffany Case: Love?! Girl, you have no knowledge about love, in fact this is what you want, right? To have James die!
    Octopussy: That's not true! He made me feel his love, and after he left, I'm thinking of him every night and day!
    Tiffany Case: Too dramatic (as she whispered).

    (Meanwhile on the other side of the camp, where Domino and Anya).
    Domino Derval: How James treated you?
    Anya Amasova: Why you're asking that?
    Domino Derval: Just curious, you're beautiful.
    (Anya smiled as she rolled her eyes a little and put her hand on her chest, feeling proud).
    Anya Amasova: Thanks! But let me throw back the question on you, how did James treated you?
    Domino Derval: He's kind to me, albeit a bit playful.
    (As Anya's mood suddenly changed, she became a bit irritated)
    Anya Amasova: Then so as he was to me! Don't let that man fool you!
    (Domino's face was shocked)
    Domino Derval: But why?
    Anya Amasova: He's a prick! He killed my boyfriend, seduced me, and underestimated my abilities!
    Domino Derval: But he killed your boyfriend, and he seduced you? That's not his fault, sorry to say, but it's your fault! Because you gave yourself up to him so easily by seduction? And by the way, what's ability?
    Anya Amasova: Just like him, I'm a Russian Agent, and no, don't tell me you're defending him, I know him probably more than you do.
    Domino Derval: You're wrong, because I've met him before you! And anyway, I don't care if you're a Russian Agent! We're all here to mourn James, then why you're here?!
    Anya Amasova: Simple, for the money!
    Domino Derval: But you're an agent, don't you have any money of your own?!
    Anya Amasova: It's part of my revenge, I will use that money for the exploits of the KGB.
    (Domino stands and pushed Anya away)
    Domino Derval: Get out! Go away! We don't need you here! You're an evil b*tch!

    (Anya fought back and slapped Domino, and Domino also fought back and slapped Anya too, as the two got into the fight, Melina Havelock arrived to stop the fight)
    Melina Havelock: What's going on here?! Come on! We're in the middle of a funeral! Please have respect!

    (Anya, in her frustration and feeling ashamed, already left, but still shouted her farewell words outside).
    Anya Amasova: Блин, похоронный бред!
    (Meaning in English is: Damn, funeral nonsense!)

    (Melina comforts Domino)
    Melina Havelock: Are you alright?
    Domino Derval: Yes, so it's true, Russians were rude.
    Melina Havelock: They are, James already warned me about them.
    Domino Derval: Are you here for the money too?
    Melina Havelock: (she laughed) No! I already have a money of my own, inherited from my parents, I'm just here to help the British Intelligence help at James' funeral, just paying back since they've also helped me solve the case of my parents' death.
    Domino Derval: Why? How and why did your parents die?

    (Melina smiled and taps Domino on her lap)
    Melina Havelock: It's a long story.


    Moneypenny arrived with Penelope Smallbone, holding the files about containing all about Bond's fortunes, this time too, she also arrived with Mary Goodnight.

    Mary Goodnight went to the middle aisle and make her speech, but those other Bond Girls shouted at her and thrown her with bread and handkerchiefs that made Goodnight stopped her speech.
    Pam Bouvier: You don't love James! How could you! Greed Troll!
    Tiffany Case: Yes! I keep hearing you laughter from your mind! You goon!

    Meanwhile, Natalya was looking bad at Goodnight, with her furrowed forehead, Holly Goodhead was also looking at Goodnight like there's something weird, she's looking at her strangely and oddly but there's the feeling of irritability, and Jinx just rolled her eyes in annoyance.

    And this is where Moneypenny already speaks:
    Moneypenny: This is hard for all of us, but we need to give the fortunes to someone whom not just James, but also the MI6 had trusted.

    Other Bond Girls also replied to Moneypenny:
    Tatiana Romanova: Trusted? But the MI6 also trusted me, you've trusted me in helping Bond in his mission! What trust do you want?!

    Pussy Galore just laughed
    Pussy Galore: I have no chance at this, the word trust is something I don't associate myself with.
    Wai Lin: Same for me too.
    Pussy Galore: Eh?! You're an agent, you have your salary, why are you expecting James' fortune?
    Wai Lin: Someone needs to take care of James' fortunes, not to use it on anything, not waste it!

    Kissy Suzuki arrived with Honey Ryder

    Moneypenny greeted Kissy Suzuki with pleasure, the same for Honey Ryder whom she shaked hands with.
    Moneypenny: Oh you! Ms. Suzuki! Come here! I think we found the one!

    Kissy was confused, as the other Bond Girls made some gossips again.
    Holly Goodhead: Do you know her?
    Jinx: Oh, if my memory serves, she's the one who fake married James! What a gal!
    Pussy Galore: Wait, wait, fake marriage?
    Jinx: Yes, I've worked with the Japanese Intelligence before, I've seen her name on my partner's diary, Kissy Suzuki.
    Natalya Simonova: She's too young for James.
    Holly Goodhead: (Laughed) Really?
    Jinx: Anyway, you're two Russians here, Natalya, where's the other one? (Jinx was referring to Anya).
    Natalya Simonova: (breathe heavily, sigh) Probably, she left, I found that woman quite ill tempered, I've met her at the veranda hours ago, she's quite impatient, she also acted a bit weird.

    Honey Ryder sat with Stacey Sutton and Christmas Jones
    Christmas Jones: Hello? (Delivered with a bit of snobbish feel)
    Honey Ryder: (looked worried and anxious), I'm afraid that I couldn't trust anyone of these women to take care of James' fortunes.

    Christmas Jones got choked up and smiled while Stacey Sutton looked at her
    Christmas Jones: Hey! For your information, I have a great knowledge in Science, I'm not that dumb and fool to waste James' money and give it to somewhere else!
    Stacey Sutton: Science? What field are you?
    Christmas Jones: I'm a Nuclear Physicist!
    Stacey Sutton: I'm a geologist.
    Christmas Jones: (with a snobbish tone), nah, don't tell yourself to me, I know you, you're a rich girl, Sutton Heiress!
    Stacey Sutton: It's not the money that I'm after! Name your price, how much do you need?! I don't need James' fortunes, I'm here because I'm concerned about James, unlike anyone else in here, and by the way, I'm married to another man, Jeremy Hendricks, a British Ambassador, so don't call me Ms. Sutton! Call me Mrs. Hendricks!
    Honey Ryder: Will you please stop it?! And by the way, Mrs. Hendricks, thank you for your concern about James, I'm just thinking because they need someone who will take care of Bond's left fortunes.

    Stacey Sutton held Honey Ryder's hand
    Stacey Sutton: Why not you?
    Honey Ryder: I have no knowledge about handling those, I don't even have formal and proper education.

    As the noise and speculations about to whom will inherit Bond's fortune is now getting louder, there's someone unexpected, when a black Rolls Royce arrived at the funeral site, and a man stepped down of the car, it's Bill Tanner!

    Bill Tanner stepped in to the funeral to see Bond and salute him
    Bill Tanner: The whole Monarchy and Country will truly missed your patriotism, Commander Bond!

    As Tanner looked at all the Bond Girls sitting at the funeral, some are doing gossips with each other, while some are looking at him, waiting for what he will say, as Tanner looked at Moneypenny and walked to her, Tanner hold Moneypenny's arms and speak:.
    Bill Tanner: Can we talk privately, Moneypenny?

    Moneypenny nodded
    Moneypenny: Of course, Tanner, of course

    As the two walked away from the funeral, some of the other Bond Girls followed them, but they're nowhere to be found already, as Tanner anticipated the situation, he finds a secret place for him and Moneypenny to talk
    Bill Tanner: Sir sent a message Moneypenny.
    Moneypenny: What is it?
    Bill Tanner: Knowing that it's unfair to give Mary Goodnight all of James' fortunes, as we've invited those women who had past relationships with Bond here, and all of them were expecting, M decided that it's a tad unfair to choose in one of them inherit James' fortunes, M and I who also agreed on the decision that James' fortunes will be better be given to you!

    Moneypenny was shocked and breathe heavily, as the two walked out of the secret, empty room to announce the decision made, Moneypenny made sure of herself by wiping the tears coming from her eyes.
    Moneypenny: Well, the MI6 had already made a decision.

    (As the Bond Girls were waiting, some are excited that they stuck their heads on for the announcement)
    Moneypenny: For the certain fairness to all, as I know you're all interested in his fortunes, we can't deny that, aren't we? You're all here for that particular reason, and also the reason why we've called you, but unfortunately, as the Department saw the unfairness that it gets the MI6 decided to give James' fortunes, to none other than......Me.

    The Bond girls were all in shock and made things more noisy, some complained to the decision and some are willing to take care of James' fortunes by doing a plea, and when Tanner arrived, the Bond Girls led to a commotion that mobbed Tanner and Moneypenny ran into Tanner as the two get into the Black Rolls Royce and went away, some of the Bond Girls were left quiet and went to James' coffin to cry.

    The end.


    Note: This is the story of the Classic Bond, the Craig/Reboot Era wasn't included.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Pay more attention to your chef
    Posts: 7,057
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  • Posts: 6,022
    Somebody probably posted that before, but "Bis Repetita Placent" :

  • Agent_99Agent_99 enjoys a spirited ride as much as the next girl
    Posts: 3,181
    @Gerard, I've watched this a bunch of times and I cry laughing on every occasion. Post away!
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    Posts: 1,127
    I've recently heard rumors that EON is working alongside Amazon Prime to make a 007 series where we follow James on his teen years, it's apparently called "Small Skyfall Ville".
    It's been also rumored that Charmian Bond will be a major character in the first season and that Bond will only become 007 at the end of the series, because of his (apparently) actor, Rob Wilmington told the producers NO. TUX.
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 13,918
    James Bond Is Having a Bad Day (3:18)


    James Bond is Having a Bad Day
    The Rifftones
    on Rifftrax Sings! More Songs from the Guys of Mystery Science Theater 3000


    James Bond is having a bad day
    Chasing a bad guy, but he got away
    Not even a crime lord with a big master plan
    Just some lowlife who was stealin' a van

    James Bond is having a terrible day
    008 made a crack that he wears a toupee
    His tuxedo is stained, his martini was stirred
    Just got shot down by some nice lookin' bird

    Oh, Bond (Oh, Bond)
    James Bond (James Bond)
    This isn't your day
    This isn't your time

    James Bond is having a miserable day
    M criticized him for dull repartee
    A license to kill, but nowhere to go
    He misses Goldfinger and Dr. No

    And he tries to accept it like he double-O-should
    Tomorrow nevеr dies, but he wishes it would
    For Queen and for country, for thе free world
    Right now, he just misses his girl
    Moneypenny

    James Bond is having a not-so-good day
    Getting older and slower and it's not okay
    Too tired for violence or even sex
    Worried 'bout which clown might play him next

    Oh, Bond (Oh, Bond)
    James Bond (James Bond)
    This isn't your day
    This isn't your time

    Oh, Bond (Oh, Bond)
    James Bond (James Bond)
    This isn't your day
    This isn't your time

    Moneypenny
    You were the one
    Moneypenny
    It was always you

    (Oh, James...)



  • SIS_HQSIS_HQ At the Vauxhall Headquarters
    edited July 2023 Posts: 3,800
    Someone is making a crap in Amazon and in Ebay, an updated blackmail on Bond moreso than in FRWL.

    Daniel Craig edition:
    53018846679_c42d9407d8_b.jpg
    53018846729_633b99df08_b.jpg

    Roger Moore Edition:
    53019067685_57165eb51e_b.jpg
    53019067830_ee137f08c5_b.jpg

    Pierce Brosnan Edition:
    53019177843_a426093b82_b.jpg
    53018110412_b095d0f387_b.jpg



    What the heck is this?!
    :-/
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    Posts: 1,127
    "August 15, 2036.
    Still no sign of Bond 26."


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  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    edited February 18 Posts: 1,127
    [DELETED]
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 13,918
    Okay this is more tribute than fun-making. I dig the narration.


    James Bond comes out of retirement after 20 years of living a normal life | Part 4/5 (6:08)
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    Posts: 1,127
    The cruelest of all Bond tortures?
    w77meo9o53za1.jpg?auto=webp&s=fbfcd8621b212d2f3b9a571959fc7a535f299c90
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    edited August 2023 Posts: 18,343
    That'll sock it to 'im! ;)
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    Posts: 1,127
    ESTv6Tlfi4I.jpg
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    Posts: 1,127
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  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,680
    ^Good one.

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  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,343
    ESTv6Tlfi4I.jpg

    "I am your brother!"
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    edited February 18 Posts: 1,127
    [DELETED]
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    Posts: 1,127
  • Posts: 6,022
    At the end of the 70s beginning of the 80s, french comedian Roland Magdane did a sketch where he portrayed a very... gay version of James Bond. Unfortunately, I couldn't find it on YouTube, but here's a version done by another comedian :

  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    edited February 18 Posts: 1,127
    [DELETED]
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    Posts: 1,127
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,680
    JW looking at Primo's eye socket: "What the f-"
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    Posts: 1,127
    7wc7zy.jpg
    Thanks to @Dragonpol for (indirectly) giving me this idea.
  • j_w_pepperj_w_pepper Born on the bayou, but I now hear a new dog barkin'
    Posts: 9,083
    7wc7zy.jpg
    Thanks to @Dragonpol for (indirectly) giving me this idea.

    @TheSkyfallen06

    I sort of hate myself for this sometimes, but I can't unsee it and can't resist: It's not "Maddona's", but "Madonna's". Other than that, spot-on.
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    edited August 2023 Posts: 1,127
    j_w_pepper wrote: »
    7wc7zy.jpg
    Thanks to @Dragonpol for (indirectly) giving me this idea.

    @TheSkyfallen06

    I sort of hate myself for this sometimes, but I can't unsee it and can't resist: It's not "Maddona's", but "Madonna's". Other than that, spot-on.

    Oh my god i just realized! #-o
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,343
    7wc7zy.jpg
    Thanks to @Dragonpol for (indirectly) giving me this idea.

    I'm glad that I inspired you though I do actually quite like Die Another Day as a kind of avante garde Bond theme song. The film is at the bottom of my Bond film rankings though, and for very good reason.
  • TheSkyfallen06TheSkyfallen06 Buenos Aires, Argentina.
    edited August 2023 Posts: 1,127
    Pierce-Brosnan-looked-suave-with-his-brown-tinted-sunglasses-4346536.jpg?r=1666039120317
    "This Ken likes his Martinis shaken, not stirred!"
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 13,918
    The Bondy Bunch - James Bond BUT It's A Sitcom! (2:22)
  • RichardTheBruceRichardTheBruce I'm motivated by my Duty.
    Posts: 13,918
    James Bond Meets James Bond (5:21)
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