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Things you're tired of seeing in movies.

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  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,161
    MajorDSmythe wrote: »
    Obviously that's not a Sir Steven Seagal film, @DarthDimi, because Sir Steven doesn't need a team. He just needs his hands, a large stick, a doublebaconcheesburgerandalitlreofcola, not to mention 10 minutes to get out of his chair, upon which he will sit right back down and mumble something about the righteous path of peace.

    That made my day, @MajorDSmythe ! 😉
  • mattjoesmattjoes Julie T. and the M.G.'s
    edited May 2022 Posts: 7,020
    MajorDSmythe wrote: »
    He just needs his hands, a large stick, a doublebaconcheesburgerandalitlreofcola, not to mention 10 minutes to get out of his chair, upon which he will sit right back down and mumble something about the righteous path of peace.

    Or about the BUDANAYCHUR.



    I love how Steven Seagal appears in these threads once in a while. He can't be stopped.


    Edit: Obviously, someone else finds Steven's pronunciation of BUDANAYCHUR as riveting as I do:

  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,161
    I find everything about Steven Seagal riveting. :-D
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    Posts: 13,978
    Sir Steven is like Quantum's people, he is everywhere!


    I feel like there was more to that Buddha story, but Sir Steven realised that it was 5 minutes to lunch, and he wanted to be front of the queue.
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,161
    MajorDSmythe wrote: »
    Sir Steven is like Quantum's people, he is everywhere!


    I feel like there was more to that Buddha story, but Sir Steven realised that it was 5 minutes to lunch, and he wanted to be front of the queue.

    5 minutes is also how long he is, on average, in "his" recent films.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,960
    I always like taking the opportunity to share this Vic Berger mashup of Seagal's "talents" and behavior:

  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Is it too late for him to be the next Bond? I don t think so.
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    edited May 2022 Posts: 13,978
    He's tapping those melons like a grocer checking their ripeness. It's fruit, he's out of his depth.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,960
    Thunderfinger wrote: »
    Is it too late for him to be the next Bond? I don t think so.

    It's never too late. He'll, of course, take over directorial and producing duties and cast all 18-year-old actresses as the Bond girls.
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,161
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Thunderfinger wrote: »
    Is it too late for him to be the next Bond? I don t think so.

    It's never too late. He'll, of course, take over directorial and producing duties and cast all 18-year-old actresses as the Bond girls.

    Yuck! And true.
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    Posts: 13,978
    DarthDimi wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Thunderfinger wrote: »
    Is it too late for him to be the next Bond? I don t think so.

    It's never too late. He'll, of course, take over directorial and producing duties and cast all 18-year-old actresses as the Bond girls.

    Yuck! And true.

    Though at least in the sex scene, he will be fully clothed, he won't even take off his piss-coloured lens shades. Small mercies.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,960
    MajorDSmythe wrote: »
    DarthDimi wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Thunderfinger wrote: »
    Is it too late for him to be the next Bond? I don t think so.

    It's never too late. He'll, of course, take over directorial and producing duties and cast all 18-year-old actresses as the Bond girls.

    Yuck! And true.

    Though at least in the sex scene, he will be fully clothed, he won't even take off his piss-coloured lens shades. Small mercies.

    As some poor, underpaid actress is forced to feign interest as she grinds into his lap while he grunts and groans and hides his lack of talent behind those shades.
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    edited May 2022 Posts: 13,978
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    MajorDSmythe wrote: »
    DarthDimi wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Thunderfinger wrote: »
    Is it too late for him to be the next Bond? I don t think so.

    It's never too late. He'll, of course, take over directorial and producing duties and cast all 18-year-old actresses as the Bond girls.

    Yuck! And true.

    Though at least in the sex scene, he will be fully clothed, he won't even take off his piss-coloured lens shades. Small mercies.

    As some poor, underpaid actress is forced to feign interest as she grinds into his lap while he grunts and groans and hides his lack of talent behind those shades.

    She has to grit her teeth, and think about the pay, which is nowhere near enough. While he is on autopilot, thinking about his lunch at the local McDonalds.
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,161
    There was Kelly LeBrock. She stayed with him longer than flies buzz around manure.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Julie T. and the M.G.'s
    Posts: 7,020
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    I always like taking the opportunity to share this Vic Berger mashup of Seagal's "talents" and behavior:


    Carrot eating :))
  • slide_99slide_99 USA
    edited May 2022 Posts: 691
    If they can't get Seagal as Bond maybe he can do the next theme song.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,960
    Imagine, with no irony at all, seriously purchasing tickets to see Steven Seagal in "concert."
  • LudovicoLudovico
    Posts: 15,106
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Revelator wrote: »
    If memory serves, Daniel Craig is the only Bond actor who appeared frontally nude on film.

    The quality was awful when I saw it so I wasn't 100% sure but I'm pretty confident that Brosnan bares all in Nomads.

    In Live Wire too, if I'm not mistaken.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,960
    Ludovico wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Revelator wrote: »
    If memory serves, Daniel Craig is the only Bond actor who appeared frontally nude on film.

    The quality was awful when I saw it so I wasn't 100% sure but I'm pretty confident that Brosnan bares all in Nomads.

    In Live Wire too, if I'm not mistaken.

    I recently rewatched that one and didn't catch that, if it does happen. Might've been a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment that I didn't see, if so.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Julie T. and the M.G.'s
    Posts: 7,020
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Imagine, with no irony at all, seriously purchasing tickets to see Steven Seagal in "concert."

    You would've had to have drunk the Kool-Aid, as they say. Sorry, not the Kool-Aid, but

    STEVEN SEAGAL'S LIGHTNING BOLT

    steven-seagal-energy-drink.jpg
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,960
    "ASIAN EXPERIENCE" and "PACKED WITH VITAMINS," I'm not sure which is more hilarious.
  • CraigMooreOHMSSCraigMooreOHMSS Dublin, Ireland
    Posts: 8,207
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    "ASIAN EXPERIENCE" and "PACKED WITH VITAMINS," I'm not sure which is more hilarious.

    Vitamin E1 all the way through to 100.
  • LudovicoLudovico
    Posts: 15,106
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Ludovico wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Revelator wrote: »
    If memory serves, Daniel Craig is the only Bond actor who appeared frontally nude on film.

    The quality was awful when I saw it so I wasn't 100% sure but I'm pretty confident that Brosnan bares all in Nomads.

    In Live Wire too, if I'm not mistaken.

    I recently rewatched that one and didn't catch that, if it does happen. Might've been a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment that I didn't see, if so.

    I haven't seen it in ages, but if I remember you see a bit of his bum when he is reunited to his wife. I'm pretty sure you see her naked.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,960
    Ludovico wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Ludovico wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Revelator wrote: »
    If memory serves, Daniel Craig is the only Bond actor who appeared frontally nude on film.

    The quality was awful when I saw it so I wasn't 100% sure but I'm pretty confident that Brosnan bares all in Nomads.

    In Live Wire too, if I'm not mistaken.

    I recently rewatched that one and didn't catch that, if it does happen. Might've been a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment that I didn't see, if so.

    I haven't seen it in ages, but if I remember you see a bit of his bum when he is reunited to his wife. I'm pretty sure you see her naked.

    I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed it on a rewatch after maybe 15 or 20 years. I saw it when I was younger and only remembered the opening bit with the woman in the rigged car, the bit with the circus stuff (gave me OP vibes at the time) and the Home Alone-like finale.
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    Posts: 13,978
    mattjoes wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Imagine, with no irony at all, seriously purchasing tickets to see Steven Seagal in "concert."

    You would've had to have drunk the Kool-Aid, as they say. Sorry, not the Kool-Aid, but

    STEVEN SEAGAL'S LIGHTNING BOLT

    steven-seagal-energy-drink.jpg

    I absolutely believe his claim that he backpacked across Asia for the ingredients.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,960
    MajorDSmythe wrote: »
    mattjoes wrote: »
    Creasy47 wrote: »
    Imagine, with no irony at all, seriously purchasing tickets to see Steven Seagal in "concert."

    You would've had to have drunk the Kool-Aid, as they say. Sorry, not the Kool-Aid, but

    STEVEN SEAGAL'S LIGHTNING BOLT

    steven-seagal-energy-drink.jpg

    I absolutely believe his claim that he backpacked across Asia for the ingredients.

    The only disclaimer here, of course, is that "backpacked" translates to "tried all the buffets" in the mystical language of Seagalise.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Julie T. and the M.G.'s
    Posts: 7,020
    That happened when he was working abroad for the CIA.
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    edited May 2022 Posts: 13,978
    Rumour has it, that while working for the CIA, Seagal was captured by Somalian Pirates on dry land and waterboarded for information. Unfortunately for them, they had no water, so used BBQ sauce instead.
  • DarthDimiDarthDimi Behind you!Moderator
    Posts: 24,161
    MajorDSmythe wrote: »
    Rumour has it, that while working for the CIA, Seagal was captured by Somalian Pirates on dry land and waterboarded for information. Unfortunately for them, they had no water, so used BBQ sauce instead.

    The man is a legend.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Julie T. and the M.G.'s
    edited May 2022 Posts: 7,020
    He got hooked up on BBQ sauce and hasn't been able to kick the addiction since.

    Let's bite the bullet and rename this thread to "Buddha Nature - The Steven Seagal Thread."
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