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BondCapCon - No Friggin in the Riggin...Part Deux

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  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited June 2014 Posts: 14,585
    e8lls3.jpg

    Here we have a photo of Bond smiling- which suggests it was taken before discovering the truth about Plenty O'Toole.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    After coming home from another day at the gym working with his trainer (pictured on the left), Daniel was confronted in the kitchen by Rachel.

    Rachel: "So, what's your interest in this trainer of yours?"

    Dan: "Among other things, they are helping me prepare for a role. They're sort of a friend of mine."

    Rachel: "A friend, eh?"

    Dan: "Yes. But it's not what you think."

    Rachel: "Is this trainer a woman?"

    Dan: "He likes to think so."
  • jobojobo
    Posts: 7,507
    This was to be the last time Dan ever accepted an anonymous invitation for an 'intense session with a fit female fan'.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    The Ohio Association of Goodwill Industries even hires Klingons.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,976
    Closing time, guys. Last call.

    I'll be judging this by the end of the night, so I'll give it another six-eight hours, depending on the amount of captions this ends up receiving.
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    Posts: 12,480
    Dan, nodding at his trainer by his side: "She says tomato, I say tomahto. She says 30 more push ups, you limey wimp. I say, Yes, mam. "

    Woman trainer: "That's right, Bond Boy. Now smile for the camera."

    Dan, whispering confidentially: "I learned early on not to argue with her. Babs got me this trainer as part of my contract. When this contract ends, I am so finding Babs a very special way to thank her for this ... his name is Silva, and I can't [expletive deleted] wait!"
  • MayDayDiVicenzoMayDayDiVicenzo Here and there
    Posts: 5,080
    4EverBonded wrote:
    Dan, nodding at his trainer by his side: "She says tomato, I say tomahto. She says 30 more push ups, you limey wimp. I say, Yes, mam. "

    Woman trainer: "That's right, Bond Boy. Now smile for the camera."

    Dan, whispering confidentially: "I learned early on not to argue with her. Babs got me this trainer as part of my contract. When this contract ends, I am so finding Babs a very special way to thank her for this ... his name is Silva, and I can't [expletive deleted] wait!"

    =))
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    edited June 2014 Posts: 40,976
    Alright, judging time folks. I'm glad I picked this picture, there wasn't a single caption that left me bored or uninterested, they were literally all fantastic captions, which is why I'll be doing this this week:

    In third place, we have: Everyone. I know it's a bit of a 'Everyone wins' award, but seriously, I cannot even name most of you as 'Honorable Mentions' or anything lower than third place, as you guys had me in tears with these captions. Thank you.

    In second place, we have: 0BradyM0Bondfanatic7 for just about every entry you did. The whole dialogue revision from the airplane scene in QoS you did had my sides hurting.

    But when it comes down to it, I had to pick a first place winner, and that would be WillyGalore. Some of yours were overly blunt and sexual and to the point, and that's what got me laughing the hardest with some of these entries.

    Well done, everyone. Seriously, these were all very hilarious and I appreciate those who entered. Willy, game's over to you, my friend.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Thanks for the mention, @Creasy. This was a good round.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,976
    0BradyM0Bondfanatic7 wrote:
    Thanks for the mention, @Creasy. This was a good round.

    You're quite welcome. As soon as that photo was posted in the Daniel Craig Appreciation Thread, I knew it had to come here.
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    Thank you @Creasy47. Grace Jones will be pleased. ;-)

    Next up we have the Daltonator:

    104.jpg

    Good luck everyone.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,976
    Dalton: "Say...once this shoot is done, I've got some chocolate bars in the back of my white, unmarked van. Interested? Delightful..."
  • KerimKerim Istanbul Not Constantinople
    edited June 2014 Posts: 2,629
    Come on little Danny, be reasonable. There will never be a blond Bond.

  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited June 2014 Posts: 14,585
    Bobby: "Mr. Dalton, where did the other cast and crew members go?"
    Tim: "Why, I have no idea, Bobby. Perhaps I scared (*looks at camera*) THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of them!" b-(
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    edited June 2014 Posts: 28,694
    During down time on the set of The Living Daylights, Dalton loved educating all the cute kids surrounding him.

    Tim: "And that, little Cassandra, is what mommy zebra and daddy zebra do when they like each other. Now, if you come back this time tomorrow I'll be on a tea break and we'll discuss birds, bees and why you should never let another boy put his Mr. Hotdog into your Mrs. Donut without your express consent. Run along now, sweetie, and be sure to give my number to your dearest mother."
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited June 2014 Posts: 14,585
    Tim (looking at kid's blue sweater): "Aaah, the figure 8. Lucky number there. Reminds me of when Bond had a slight stiffness in the shoul-" (hesitates, realizing he's speaking to children)

    Bobby: "Yes, Mr. Dalton? You were saying?"

    Tim: "Sorry, young man. That information is on a need-to-know basis only." #-o
  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    Posts: 13,978
    The first meeting of the Timothy Dalton Appreciation Society is called. Unfortunately, MajorDSmythe was not able to attend due to being only 2 years old, and not a fan at the time.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited June 2014 Posts: 14,585
    Dalton's bad side was such a dangerous place to be, that no one would sit next to him, and he had to be barricaded off with hazard tape.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Quentin Tarantino is furious to see Dalton cast instead of his boy lollipop Pierce as the new Bond. Arms crossed and with a murderous look in his eyes, he decides to become a director and get the CR rights sooner rather than later.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,976
    Timothy Dalton's third, unseen Bond film, 'License To Kids,' where James finds out a long-lost sister he never knew he had has passed away, and he's responsible for taking care of her children now. The plot is jam-packed with such chaotic, action-packed sequences such as making breakfast before school, cleaning the house, and calling up Q for gadgets that can ensure no underage drinking or premarital sex goes on in the house.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    In this PSA aiming at stopping bullying once and for all in the UK and around the world, Timothy Dalton and a little girl by the name of Sally help lead the charge against bullies of any kind.

    Sally: "Mr. Dalton, Billy told me you could make my life at school easier. I keep getting my lunch money stolen and people call me all kinds of bad names. What do you do that can help me, exactly?"

    Tim: "Well Sally, I help people with bullies."

    Sally: "A bully solver."

    Tim: "More of a bully eliminator. [Turns to audience as camera zooms in] Girls and boys like Billy and Sally all around the world deal with the same problems day in and day out: bullies. These individuals are cowardly, weak and only taking out their personal frustrations against their mothers and fathers and their own inadequacies in life on you: you are not the problem, and it's important for every child to realize this. So, here today I ask of you, not as an actor but as a man who too was bullied, to help lead an effort to curb bullying worldwide. To give donations or to share your story for our website, call (1) 800-345-5555. Every moment you stay silent about your pain and lock up your wallets to our cause, a panda bear is shot in the face. [Tim is seen holding a baby panda as the camera zooms in even further] Don't kill any pandas, they're so bloody cute. We beg of you, join us now."

    WHEN IT COMES TO THE ISSUE OF BULLYING, ARE YOU GOING TO BE A PROBLEM STARTER, OR A PROBLEM ELIMINATOR?
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,976
    The proper authorities crack open the case of JFK's assassination once more, looking into the Zapruder film, where they find this bit of footage, and possibly the real shooter: a time-traveling Timothy Dalton.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Timothy realized his youth was one full of sex crazed antics, but when he asked everyone who thought he was their illegitimate father to come to the set of The Living Daylights, even he was gobsmacked by the turnout. Maryam, Michael and Cubby all consequently abandoned him out of sheer embarrassment.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,976
    Kids: "Mr. Dalton, why did everyone else run away?"

    Tim: "Well kids, it can get very hot on set, and doing take after take can make a man very sweaty. Let's just say I've got a bottle of baby powder down here at my feet, and they were none too happy when I asked them where I needed it applied."
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    "Can you do that eyebrow thing for us, Mr. Bond?"

    "Piss off!"
  • DragonpolDragonpol https://thebondologistblog.blogspot.com
    Posts: 18,281
    Dalton: "No need for you to wait on these other guys. They're just the gaffers. I'm the main attraction!"
  • SoundofthesinnersSoundofthesinners
    Posts: 3,236
    "But Mr. Dalton, I thought they told you not to talk to us!"

    "Stuff my orders."
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited June 2014 Posts: 14,585
    Dalton was the only one who had a licence to sit.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    edited June 2014 Posts: 40,976
    Timothy tries to explain why everyone escorted Albert to the hospital with such haste, and why the man playing Bond has a black eye and bloody nose.

    Tim: "His left leg's gone below the knee. But they might be able to save his arm."
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    While on the set of The Living Daylights, Dalton was always trying to get more and more into character. To attach himself to Bond and embody the spy's darker side, he employed some method acting from time to time in order to become 007 inside and out. Pictured here, he is attempting to capture Bond's cold lack of remorse while speaking with the children surrounding the set.

    Tim [pointing to girl]: "Hello there, darling. Come over here for a moment. What's your name?"

    Girl: "I'm Samantha."

    Tim: "Ah, well it's nice to meet you, Samantha. What a beautiful name that is; very lovely indeed. Guess what, Samantha?"

    Girl: "What?"

    Tim [turing from happy to serious]: "Santa Claus isn't real, your father is cheating on your mother and you smell like old fish."

    [Girl runs off in tears as Tim grins madly, finally capturing an elusive part of Bond's character]
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