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This has to be the most rip snorting corker of a Bond adventure ever written.
*and then stealing the ideas for Bond 25 and passing it off as their own.
The day they make this into a film is the day I commit ritual seppuku live on YouTube.
I'm truly shocked - I really thought you were a big fan!
To be fair Draggers this is on a par with NSF!
How can you say that about the best Bond continuation novel of the 1990s?! :D
Plus haven't we all realised by now that it's the evil genius @Christartos that is truly behind this thread?!
Fair enough.
Ok it's not as bad as NSF but it's certainly better than the lamentable Seafire!!!
Now I'm confused! A bit like SeaFire in a way!
Chapter 9
WICKED EVERGREENS
The beast had leapt out of bed, and he was brushing his teeth in plain view. "Africa I will blow up Africa. Another fine NAOBOB production."
"I already know you work for NAOBOB Dandies," Bond said.
"And I know you're Bond, James Bond, sack and a half of dark childhood secrets."
"Talking about what, exactly.....?"
Afterthought slammed Bond's head into the table.
"You and me James we are wicked evergreens. Fashionable to the last. Just because it all."
Upon hearing the words NAOBOB one of the menu girls threw her tray across the room and brandied a gun.
"Alright Dandies raise your hands and shit down this bisness!"
Bond swiveled his face to catch hers. It was the beautiful N - she really did follow him here!
Dandies cracked a laugh. "I have yellow eyes like an owl my dear, you are holding a piece of bread."
"Not really," N said, "It's a gun for sure alright?"
She hesitated. Maybe Dandies was right.
"Ok young lady, blast away with those all-roasted sesame seeds. I don't know who you are, but if your idea was to make a possible fool of yourself then you have succeedded with intense interest. Go on please, shoot me."
She wobbled. Was this her first time in a field? Bond thought.
But Bond could not let this moment go to waste. He used the distraction as a momentary opportunity. He lashed out across the table and fell face forth into the mashed potatoes. Bond managed to take a few sandwiches and sweetmeats into his mouth on the way back to his chair - which they would prove valuable later.
"I made a report, Dandies," he said. Whatever happens next, your actions will be fully known."
Dandies leaned back and lit a cigarette. "Again you speak from darkness. I asked you earlier what your interests were, but to no avale. Let's try again. Hello James, my interest are atomic bombs, coffee beans, pornography, and astronomy. I also like plants, music, and boytime childhood revenge. I know all about that text you sent earlier. It will not be seen by your superiors."
"It was at four bars on my phone, Dadnies. It will be seen."
"Nope. And I know why." Dandies unwraveled his red scarf and whipped the bread out of N's hand. He snatched the bread up and stuffed it in his mouth.
Then he began to choke N to death with his scarf.
"Stop it!" Bond shouted. But there was nothing he could do. Afterthought held him down.
And Dandies did not listen.
"Stop hurting this fine young firebird, Dandies. I will join your case."
Dandies did not look up, nor did he take notice.
"Did you hear me Dandies? I'm ready to work for you full-time!"
"I'm afraid I will need more than just your word for it James,"
N's face matched the blood-colored scarf wrapped round her neck.
"I will do anything you ask. Just stop hurting her goddammit!"
Finally Dandies released his grip on the girl and she collapsed to the floor.
He tossed a white flower on her rasping body and stared into the distance at the indifferent gargoyles.
"Just kidding", Bond said. He winked at Dandies and tossed his hair. "I want to join with you remember?"
"For real James"
"yes"
"Really"
"yes"
"..................."
"And If I join you will you tell me what you're up to?"
Dandies' scarf tightened slightly. "Of course...."
Bond looked Dandies square in the eye and asked, "Are you gay"?
"You had to ask," Dandies asked. "I am nosegay... Nosegay for smells and scents and plants and planets and music. What do you smell, James?"
"Something of a scent and you know I'm a bloodhound, a rotting terrier." Bond was all over the place today.
Dandies paused his eyes and drilled into Bond's face. "I'm so glad you said so James. I do so love dogs..."
Bond heard the tin wheels of a little tray-to-go enter the room. The silent muscle-bound Afterthought wheeled a tiny cart for beverages across the room. On top of that sat a cold bourbon and a silver little platter with the cover on top. Afterthought removed it to present Bond's Walther PPK. "Now I want you to know something. This is how you will prove your loyalty to me, your new name under my commande will be Andy Hazard and here's how....."
Afterthought left the room, and shortly returned with a second cart.
"We are two lost strangers James, but not for long."
Bond lifted a burger to his lips.
But then he noticed a dog had been wheeled into the room. He locked his eyes with it. It was a whippet of the greater West Seaside breeds, with a long inquisitive snout and old fashioned eyes that knew far too much.
The dog had a birthday hat on.
"It's the dog's birthday," Dandies smiled. "Shoot the dog."
Seriosuly? Bond thought.
Bond lifted the gun and pointed it at the dog.
"Out of bullets."
Dandies crinkled and winked. "That may work on your baby brother James but not for me. Not good enough."
M's words echoed through Bond's head: "Your licence to kill does not extend to animals Bond."
N lay on the floor with a look of bewilderment stretched across her face. Bond wouldn't dare.
.....................................Would he?
Chapter 10
BOND SHOOTS THE DOG
Coming Soon
"Andy Hazerd at your secret service."
Please can I beg to be in the blast radius when it happens just I don't have to read any further?
+1.
Very well said Draggers.
The mods whinge at us about not posting photos to appease their EON overlords but how about they act to stop us having to put up with any more of this drivel?
Indeed. I've flagged this thread and would recommend that others follow suit.
Just a tick @TheWizardOfIce, you bait the original poster of this thread with words of encouragement and praise. Yet also call them a troll, and to stop this drivel.
I for one do not appreciate such comments. Especially being called a whinger because you were asked to follow a rule of posting on this forum.
If you didn't like any of the fan fiction, then why praise it so much. Beggars can't be choosers is I believe the old expression.
=))
I suggest you look up the word 'sarcasm' in the dictionary and then read my posts again.
And no need to be so sensitive about curbing free speech. You won't get far in a dictatorship like that.
As for being sensitive, well I've got much thicker skin than that. Part and parcel of being on the mod team. Clean up the forum on a daily basis, remove troublesome posters. Read post upon post that you might not want to, but you have to because it's been flagged. And then get no thanks for it while you do it. Often being called a Nazi, dictator or any other such insult. But that's okay. I enjoy this forum enough to do that.
I don't think any of the mods do it for praise or glory. We do it because we appreciate this forum, and many of the great posters who keep it going on a daily basis (I include you in that list Wiz), but being rude doesn't make it an enjoyable task.
As I said to another poster, just ignore and don't post. It's much easier.