'You couldn't make it up' !!! The stupid things people do.

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  • MajorDSmytheMajorDSmythe "I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it."Moderator
    Posts: 13,978
    A new cleaning lady at work washed the toilets the other day, then washed the handsink with the same rag, while people were watching.

    Just remember to wash your hands after washing your hands then.

    In the toilet.

    Don't forget to go back and wash your hands after touching the door handle.
  • edited June 2018 Posts: 1,708


    Breivik from the future warns himself that his 2011 terror is not worth it due to having to eat Fjordland (pre-made frozen) dinners and cold coffee.....utterly ridiculous skit but it gave me a chuckle :P
  • NicNacNicNac Administrator, Moderator
    Posts: 7,582
    As I'm sure everyone is aware you can now take your own photos to upload to an on line passport renewal form. It has to meet certain criteria of course, but there is a video guide of do's and don't's on the upload page.

    I was filling out my wife's form and told her to brush her hair for the photo. She came down with her hair brushed, her lipstick added and 'Have you put perfume on?' I asked.
    'Yes. I want it to be right' she said.
    'OK...whatever'

    Bless.
  • CommanderRossCommanderRoss The bottom of a pitch lake in Eastern Trinidad, place called La Brea
    Posts: 8,266
    NicNac wrote: »
    As I'm sure everyone is aware you can now take your own photos to upload to an on line passport renewal form. It has to meet certain criteria of course, but there is a video guide of do's and don't's on the upload page.

    I was filling out my wife's form and told her to brush her hair for the photo. She came down with her hair brushed, her lipstick added and 'Have you put perfume on?' I asked.
    'Yes. I want it to be right' she said.
    'OK...whatever'

    Bless.

    My dear nackers, if that wasn't an invitation to start an interesting fotoshoot, I don't know what is... You should be happy she's still making herself beautiful for you!
  • NicNacNicNac Administrator, Moderator
    Posts: 7,582
    NicNac wrote: »
    As I'm sure everyone is aware you can now take your own photos to upload to an on line passport renewal form. It has to meet certain criteria of course, but there is a video guide of do's and don't's on the upload page.

    I was filling out my wife's form and told her to brush her hair for the photo. She came down with her hair brushed, her lipstick added and 'Have you put perfume on?' I asked.
    'Yes. I want it to be right' she said.
    'OK...whatever'

    Bless.

    My dear nackers, if that wasn't an invitation to start an interesting fotoshoot, I don't know what is... You should be happy she's still making herself beautiful for you!

    I never thought of it like that Commander. I really didn’t... you may be on to something.
    Look if I don’t sign in tomorrow you know I got lucky ;)
  • CommanderRossCommanderRoss The bottom of a pitch lake in Eastern Trinidad, place called La Brea
    edited June 2018 Posts: 8,266
    NicNac wrote: »
    NicNac wrote: »
    As I'm sure everyone is aware you can now take your own photos to upload to an on line passport renewal form. It has to meet certain criteria of course, but there is a video guide of do's and don't's on the upload page.

    I was filling out my wife's form and told her to brush her hair for the photo. She came down with her hair brushed, her lipstick added and 'Have you put perfume on?' I asked.
    'Yes. I want it to be right' she said.
    'OK...whatever'

    Bless.

    My dear nackers, if that wasn't an invitation to start an interesting fotoshoot, I don't know what is... You should be happy she's still making herself beautiful for you!

    I never thought of it like that Commander. I really didn’t... you may be on to something.
    Look if I don’t sign in tomorrow you know I got lucky ;)

    Commander Ross, to spice up your relations! no, wait, that just sounds wrong... :-D
  • Posts: 19,339
    New Jersey Man Paddle Boards Across Hudson River Dressed in a Suit to Get to Interview.

    A New Jersey man didn’t want to be late for his interview so he decided to paddle board across the Hudson River to get there.

    Scott Holt, 32, said was running late for an interview in New York on Thursday and didn’t want to “splurge on a ferry.” So, he grabbed his paddle board and made his way onto the river, clad in a full suit and shoes.

    “I actually expected it to take a really long time but it only took like a half hour,” Holt told InsideEdition.com. “It gave my shoes a free shoe shine and [it was] a free commute.”

    Eunice Rivers, of Jersey City, was on the ferry to New York when she spotted Holt and decided to take a video.

    “Everyone was like laughing and was like 'what is he doing?'” Rivers said. “I had to record it because no one was going to believe me.”

    Rivers shared the video on her Facebook page where it has received more than 200,000 views.

    AAz47sU.img?h=450&w=799&m=6&q=60&o=f&l=f

    “I thought it was quite hilarious,” Rivers said. “He was in a suit. He had a briefcase and a bow tie on.”


    Holt said he was stopped by police, who gave him a bit of a scolding, but then they let him go.

    Thankfully, he arrived at his interview with some time to spare.
  • NicNacNicNac Administrator, Moderator
    Posts: 7,582
    Always feel like I'm picking on my wife in this thread, but her latest was quite special.

    I'm watching Nigeria vs Iceland, world cup qualifier. My wife enters, sits down and asks who is playing. I tell her.

    After a pause she says

    'So, which is which?'
    'Sorry?'
    'Which team is playing in which colour shirts?'
    'Well...the black Nigerians are in green shirts. The white, blonde haired Icelanders are wearing the blue shirts'
    'OK thanks. Got it.'
  • Posts: 19,339
    NicNac wrote: »
    Always feel like I'm picking on my wife in this thread, but her latest was quite special.

    I'm watching Nigeria vs Iceland, world cup qualifier. My wife enters, sits down and asks who is playing. I tell her.

    After a pause she says

    'So, which is which?'
    'Sorry?'
    'Which team is playing in which colour shirts?'
    'Well...the black Nigerians are in green shirts. The white, blonde haired Icelanders are wearing the blue shirts'
    'OK thanks. Got it.'

    Hahahaha bless the wives,they can make you laugh out loud sometimes.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,584
    Bridge ahoy!

    Massive Russian Cargo Ship With A Drunk Captain Plows Right Into Korean Bridge



    Watching this video of the 5,998-ton Seagrand, a Russian cargo ship, slowly crash into the Gwangan Bridge in Busan, South Korea earlier today is one of those kinds of things that makes you want to yell at your screen. How does something like this happen? Everything involved is huge and either slow or stationary. What does it take to f--- up in such a grand and preventable manner? It seems a drunk captain helps.

    Here, you watch for yourself:

    At first I was wondering if, somehow, the crew just, uh, forgot they had those huge cranes on deck and thought they could somehow clear the bridge? That seemed pretty impossible, though.

    The massive ship hit the bridge and caused some damage to itself and the lower part of the bridge, though thankfully nobody was injured. The ship then backed away, perhaps hoping nobody noticed, but the vessel was intercepted by the Korean Coast Guard (KCG).

    The KCG questioned the crew about what the hell happened, and found that the captain had a blood alcohol level of 0.086 per cent. In case you’re not familiar with the blood alcohol limits for piloting cargo vessels, the maximum allowed is 0.03 per cent.

    It’s legal to consume alcohol on a ship as long as you’re not the one steering; as yet, it’s not clear if the Cap’n Drunk was at the helm.

    Under an hour or so before hitting the bridge, the Seagrand hit a cruise ship and prior to impacting the bridge the coastal navigation service contacted the ship to warn them about running their big-arse ship into the bridge, but the captain reportedly didn’t understand English well and may not have understood.

    I mean, even if your English is terrible you’d think a panicked message from the port and a bridge filling up your view out the window might be enough to give a hint about what’s going on, but, you know, dude was pretty drunk.

    The captain was detained by authorities and the owners and operators of the ship, VostokMorService and LLC SK Grand Shipping have been contacted.

    In case you’re worried, the 1,400 tons of iron pipes carried on the ship made it to the port of Busan just fine, though.

    http://www.msn.com/en-au/news/world/massive-russian-cargo-ship-with-a-drunk-captain-plows-right-into-korean-bridge/ar-BBUdFMY?li=AAgfYrC&OCID=AVRES000
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 3,000
    QBranch wrote: »
    Bridge ahoy!

    Massive Russian Cargo Ship With A Drunk Captain Plows Right Into Korean Bridge



    Watching this video of the 5,998-ton Seagrand, a Russian cargo ship, slowly crash into the Gwangan Bridge in Busan, South Korea earlier today is one of those kinds of things that makes you want to yell at your screen. How does something like this happen? Everything involved is huge and either slow or stationary. What does it take to f--- up in such a grand and preventable manner? It seems a drunk captain helps.

    Here, you watch for yourself:

    At first I was wondering if, somehow, the crew just, uh, forgot they had those huge cranes on deck and thought they could somehow clear the bridge? That seemed pretty impossible, though.

    The massive ship hit the bridge and caused some damage to itself and the lower part of the bridge, though thankfully nobody was injured. The ship then backed away, perhaps hoping nobody noticed, but the vessel was intercepted by the Korean Coast Guard (KCG).

    The KCG questioned the crew about what the hell happened, and found that the captain had a blood alcohol level of 0.086 per cent. In case you’re not familiar with the blood alcohol limits for piloting cargo vessels, the maximum allowed is 0.03 per cent.

    It’s legal to consume alcohol on a ship as long as you’re not the one steering; as yet, it’s not clear if the Cap’n Drunk was at the helm.

    Under an hour or so before hitting the bridge, the Seagrand hit a cruise ship and prior to impacting the bridge the coastal navigation service contacted the ship to warn them about running their big-arse ship into the bridge, but the captain reportedly didn’t understand English well and may not have understood.

    I mean, even if your English is terrible you’d think a panicked message from the port and a bridge filling up your view out the window might be enough to give a hint about what’s going on, but, you know, dude was pretty drunk.

    The captain was detained by authorities and the owners and operators of the ship, VostokMorService and LLC SK Grand Shipping have been contacted.

    In case you’re worried, the 1,400 tons of iron pipes carried on the ship made it to the port of Busan just fine, though.

    http://www.msn.com/en-au/news/world/massive-russian-cargo-ship-with-a-drunk-captain-plows-right-into-korean-bridge/ar-BBUdFMY?li=AAgfYrC&OCID=AVRES000

    That was ridiculous! Will the forward mast fit under the bridge? No. Will the cranes fit under the bridge? No. Will the bridge fit under the bridge? No. So full steam ahead!
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited March 2019 Posts: 14,584
    :)) Ha ha! Will the first bridge fit under the second bridge if I nudge it hard enough?

    He should've just hit 'Dive' like Brozza in the Q-Boat.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Julie T. and the M.G.'s
    Posts: 7,021
    This is irritating to watch, but also hilarious!
  • Posts: 5,994
    Perhaps it was his GPS' s fault. It has been known to happen.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,584
    In Soviet Russia, GPS also gets drunk.
  • Posts: 5,994
    No. The real phrase is : "In the West, you program GPS. In Russia, GPS programs you !"
  • Posts: 12,526
    QBranch wrote: »
    Bridge ahoy!

    Massive Russian Cargo Ship With A Drunk Captain Plows Right Into Korean Bridge



    Watching this video of the 5,998-ton Seagrand, a Russian cargo ship, slowly crash into the Gwangan Bridge in Busan, South Korea earlier today is one of those kinds of things that makes you want to yell at your screen. How does something like this happen? Everything involved is huge and either slow or stationary. What does it take to f--- up in such a grand and preventable manner? It seems a drunk captain helps.

    Here, you watch for yourself:

    At first I was wondering if, somehow, the crew just, uh, forgot they had those huge cranes on deck and thought they could somehow clear the bridge? That seemed pretty impossible, though.

    The massive ship hit the bridge and caused some damage to itself and the lower part of the bridge, though thankfully nobody was injured. The ship then backed away, perhaps hoping nobody noticed, but the vessel was intercepted by the Korean Coast Guard (KCG).

    The KCG questioned the crew about what the hell happened, and found that the captain had a blood alcohol level of 0.086 per cent. In case you’re not familiar with the blood alcohol limits for piloting cargo vessels, the maximum allowed is 0.03 per cent.

    It’s legal to consume alcohol on a ship as long as you’re not the one steering; as yet, it’s not clear if the Cap’n Drunk was at the helm.

    Under an hour or so before hitting the bridge, the Seagrand hit a cruise ship and prior to impacting the bridge the coastal navigation service contacted the ship to warn them about running their big-arse ship into the bridge, but the captain reportedly didn’t understand English well and may not have understood.

    I mean, even if your English is terrible you’d think a panicked message from the port and a bridge filling up your view out the window might be enough to give a hint about what’s going on, but, you know, dude was pretty drunk.

    The captain was detained by authorities and the owners and operators of the ship, VostokMorService and LLC SK Grand Shipping have been contacted.

    In case you’re worried, the 1,400 tons of iron pipes carried on the ship made it to the port of Busan just fine, though.

    http://www.msn.com/en-au/news/world/massive-russian-cargo-ship-with-a-drunk-captain-plows-right-into-korean-bridge/ar-BBUdFMY?li=AAgfYrC&OCID=AVRES000

    OMG! That is shocking!!! If I was driving a car on that bridge and saw that huge ship heading right at me? I would most certainly have changed the colour of my under crackers!!!
  • BMW_with_missilesBMW_with_missiles All the usual refinements.
    Posts: 3,000
    Gerard wrote: »
    Perhaps it was his GPS' s fault. It has been known to happen.

    tnd.gif
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,584
    I'm looking for a cargo ship. It's big and brown, and the driver is a very drunk friend of mine.
  • CommanderRossCommanderRoss The bottom of a pitch lake in Eastern Trinidad, place called La Brea
    Posts: 8,266
    In the west, ships evade bridges, in Russia, bridges evade ships! Can't blame the captain for this cultural difference.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Julie T. and the M.G.'s
    Posts: 7,021
    Gerard wrote: »
    Perhaps it was his GPS' s fault. It has been known to happen.

    tnd.gif

    I love Carver! Such fantastic overacting!
  • Posts: 1,708
    "In the West, you program GPS. In Russia, GPS programs you !"

    Crew member : Captain , we're about to crash !

    Ivan Drago : If it falls , it falls.
  • mattjoesmattjoes Julie T. and the M.G.'s
    Posts: 7,021
    Oldie but goodie!

    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/missing-icelandic-tourist-goes-in-search-of-herself-8096831.html
    A woman on a visit to Iceland has managed to add new twist to the concept of "self-discovery" after taking part in a major mountain search operation for a lost tourist before admitting to police that she was the missing person everyone was looking for.

    The bizarre mix up occurred last Saturday in Iceland's southern volcanic region near the island's Eidgja canyon, a remote but popular walking area for visiting tourists.

    The woman in question was reported to have failed to return to her tour bus.

    The tour company driver waited for an hour. When the woman failed to turn up, he alerted police and search teams were dispatched to the area shortly afterwards. They started combing the barren treeless hillsides looking for an Asian woman described as 5ft 2in and wearing dark clothing.

    The expedition was only called off at 3am after it emerged that the woman had been on the bus all along and had even participated in the search, having had no idea that she had been reported missing.

    Before getting back on the bus, the "missing" tourist had apparently changed her clothes and "freshened up".

    Her fellow passengers and the driver did not recognise her as being the same woman.

    The penny only dropped when the search was well underway. She immediately told the bus driver, who informed the police.

    Sveinn Runarsson, the police chief in charge of the rescue, said that "the people on the bus had not been counted correctly".
  • edited March 2019 Posts: 1,708
    Woman who got hit by a turkey thrown thru her car window died , incident happened in '04

    Some punks keyed a BMW , its gonna cost owner 50-100k krones to repair it (10k $ is around 90k krones) , read it in newspaper
  • Posts: 19,339
    Killed by a turkey ? That will look interesting on the coroners report @Tracy !!
  • Posts: 1,708
    Frozen turkey , its like being hit with 20 pounds concrete.....there was another guy that almost died cuz a moron threw a beer bootle thru the front car window......stupid fools > : (
  • Posts: 19,339
    Tracy wrote: »
    Frozen turkey , its like being hit with 20 pounds concrete.....there was another guy that almost died cuz a moron threw a beer bootle thru the front car window......stupid fools > : (

    It’s life ,and it stinks ... it’s becoming anarchy
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    Poor woman. She should join here.
  • Posts: 19,339
    This is mad !!! :

    Dentures Discovered In Pensioner's Throat Over A Week After Operation.

    Dentures should be removed before a general anaesthetic operation, a report has warned after a pensioner’s were found in his throat eight days after surgery.

    The 72-year-old anonymous man had an operation at an unnamed hospital to remove a harmless lump in his abdominal wall, but six days later had to return to A&E.

    He complained of blood in his mouth, swallowing difficulties and pain, which had prevented him from eating solid food, according to the report in the British Medical Journal.

    The man was sent home and prescribed mouthwash, antibiotics and steroids to treat what doctors thought were the effects of having a tube down his throat during surgery and a respiratory infection.

    But, two days later, the retired electrician returned to A&E with worsening symptoms - unable to swallow any of the medicine he was admitted with suspected pneumonia.

    AAFI9kp.img?h=1012&w=799&m=6&q=60&o=f&l=f


    Doctors then discovered he had a semi-circular object lying across his vocal chords, which had caused internal swelling and blistering.



    The report states: “On explaining this to the patient, he revealed that his dentures had been lost during his general surgery admission eight days earlier and consisted of a metallic roof plate and three front teeth.”

    X-rays confirmed this was the foreign body lodged in his throat - he was taken for emergency surgery to remove them and discharged after six days in hospital.


    However, a bout of bleeding forced him to return once more six days later, followed by a second visit 10 days after that, and a third six days after being discharged again.

    Tests showed he had suffered an internal wound tissue around the site of the blistering which doctors then treated by cauterising, or burning, it to prevent further bleeding.

    The man also required a blood transfusion because he had lost so much blood.

    AAFIb5A.img?h=1191&w=799&m=6&q=60&o=f&l=f

    But his ordeal was far from over. Nine days after he was again discharged, he returned with further bleeding which required emergency surgery as the source of the bleed was a torn artery in the wound.


    According to the report, a check-up a week after the procedure showed the tissue was healing, and six weeks after that the man had not needed further emergency care.

    However, its authors state that this is not the first instance of dentures being inhaled while anaesthetic is being administered.

    “There are no set national guidelines on how dentures should be managed during anaesthesia, but it is known that leaving dentures in during bag-mask ventilation allows for a better seal during induction, and therefore, many hospitals allow dentures to be removed immediately before intubation, as long as this is clearly documented,” it adds.

    According to the authors, key lesson derived from the incident include clearly documenting before and after any procedure the presence of any dentures or false teeth, with all members of the surgical team made aware of what is to be done with them.



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