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Dr Connery "Now stop with the silly threats ladies, I love my beard and I will not shave it off. Don't make me get out my toy bow and arrow"
Daniela: What the f**% Neil?! Gross!
Neil: But you had Sex all the time with Sean!
Daniela: That was a freaking movie you idiot.
Neil: Oh...
Daniela: Lol you thought you get free girls when you star in a Film just like that?
Neil: Kinda...
Daniela: Well, at least you get a ton of money as compensation.
Neil: Yeah... about that...
Daniela: What?
Neil: I told them i'll do it for free if they provide enough girls...
:)) I guess Neil wasn't really cut out for the movie business.
Neil thinking to himself: "I should have put that silencer behind."
World press: So girls, what can you tell us about your hot new co-star? Is he as manly and alluring as his brother Sean?
Daniela: Neil is nicest guy ever! He is such a sweetheart and so warm and friendly! He always listens to my relationship problems and makes the best homemade cookies ever. He is my best friend and I love him like a brother! And to all the ladies out there, he's still single *Wink to the camera*
Neil: I will kill her, i will freaking kill her!
Lois: *Hngh* Put the damn gun down Neil! Let it go, you're on camera...
Lois: "Well, I'm aiming for the head, not the chest!"
Neil: "No, I mean you're grabbing the wrong pistol."
... And the winner is... This one cracked me up, good round every one, over to you @00Agent
I'll upload a picture tomorrow.
I will scare The Living Daylights out of Maryam when I throw this cigarette into her hat
"Get out of it barryt007, we've had enough of your schtick. I've been up all night with poor Maryam."
Anno 1996:
Maryam: "Hey look, there's Pierce Brosnan."
Tim:"...that bloody wahnker"
Pierce: "Hey Dalts, looking good over there. How's work?"
Tim: "Ehh piss off Brosnan, i don't need your sarcasm. I was always better anyway." *hicks*
Pierce: "Well, if you think about it... you were always just Plan B."
Tim: "You think you can talk shit to me and get away with it?! You got a NAHSTY surprise coming buddy! Maryam hold my cigarette."
After a five year hiatus there is no way I am coming back to do just one film, and to do more... I have my whole life to live yet. I am young healthy *cough cough* and I am a serious actor god dammit! Come along Talisa *burp* let's get out of here, and where's your dam cellos I forgot my car keys.
A little known fact in the Bond world, even to the most dedicated fans was, that Cubby Broccoli once tested his daughters ability to lead the Bond franchise by making her turn a random homeless guy into a believable Bond, similar to how he himself turned a male model with no acting expirience into a successful replacement for original Bond actor Sean Connery.
A suitable candidate was quickly found in Burt Kowalski, a homeless drunk from Cardiff who soon became known to the public as "Timothy Dalton".
The recently leaked above image shows Kowalski in an early wardrobe fitting with his co-star Maryam D'abo.
Barbara Broccoli remembers: "He [Burt] was a real sweetheart despite his unfortunate life circumstances. He had no expirience in film but was so full of enthusiasm. All he wanted in return was a warm meal a day and some cigarettes. His acting was obviously pretty hammy but overall it worked. The hardest part was keeping him away from the bottle though. Burt had been an alcoholic for 15 years when we found him. Once we had managed to keep him dry, he got very grumpy and stayed like that for the reminder of the shoot. Ironically that gave him a certain seriousness and edge which fans nowadays seem to be really digging about his portrayal, so it all worked out fine."
After two mildly successful Bond films, Kowalski was fed up with Hollywood and returned to the streets where he felt most at home. He died of liver cirrhosis in 1998.
My last Post was overlong for sure, but i'm not eligible this round anyway and I just wrote it for the lolz :)
If we're gonna be posting long ones, then I'll just go ahead and post this one which I came up with yesterday, but hesitated about because of its length.
After a six-month affair, Pam decided she was better off with the winking fish than with the chauvinistic, reckless Bond. Her parting words were: "at least I'll always know where to find the fish, unlike you, always off to some exotic location." And with Lupe contented and financially secure with el presidente López, 007, Bond girl-less for the first time ever, became unhappy and morose. After being fired from his job by M for failing to turn up in Istambul and prevent a nuclear meltdown, Bond moved in with Kara, who would always accept him, because she was turned on by his great skill at saving her from dumb predicaments. In this photo, Bond is seen telling off former MI6 colleagues mocking him for the downturn of his career in espionage. Little did he know at the time he would be eventually driven to madness by Kara, and throw himself off the rock of Gibraltar.