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Speaking of apples, this one from @Thunderfinger had me spitting food at my computer(...), so congrats Thundy, the floor is yours. Other great captions here are noted too.
Over to you, @Thunderfinger!
"That isn t George. That is a plank of wood."
After a long absence, he'd talk to Harry and Cubby.
"That is my wife."
"I know."
Sean: It's him. Rog, I'll give you five pounds if you go piss on his plate.
Roger: Let's have them.
---
Belated comment but Thunderfinger's winning caption from before is genius.
Bond: "Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief."
Bond: [sniffs] "I'm afraid it's me, sorry old boy."
Sean: "It'll have to be you, old boy. All I have is a finger trap, a poor memory, and one prosthetic hand."
@mattjoes, I am so happy for you. You re next.
"1. Cubby says you owe him for the last backgammon games."
"Uh, yes, I was going to... pay tomorrow."
"2. He also says you are playing it tough with the negotiations for the next film."
"Uhm...noo...I have one more Bond in me. Totally."
"Good boy. Now move over, I am getting in there. I need a backscrub."
"Michael, please. Not that old story again. Can t you let it go?"
"Neva!"
Bond: Pola, you know something? Tomorrow I'll buy you six dozen red roses.
Michael: How lovely, darling. She can't wait.
Michael: You said Bullseye! would be a major hit, the next Fish Called Wanda. You said Michael Winner was a great talent. Now I'm off to do a movie with Steven Seagal in Alaska. Say your prayers.
"But...I gave you free tickets."
"Doesn t matter. Hand it over!"
"Huh?"
"Fifteen minutes, or you pay the water bill."
"But...that wasn t me. That was another James Bond."
"Another James Bond? How dumb do you think I am, Bond?"
"I am Moore."
"More dumb than me? "
"Well...no."
Roger: It's not here, Michael.
Michael: Sure it is, it's right over there!
Roger: Geez! Are you sure you know how to use that thing?
Michael: Yes, you just gently rub it over your skin.
Roger: I'm talking about the gun.
Michael: Me too.
Haha, Frobe looking for revenge over the death of a fictional character!