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BondCapCon - No Friggin in the Riggin...Part Deux

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  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    During an encounter with Blofeld, perhaps now was not the time to test out Q's new portable toilet.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited December 2013 Posts: 14,568
    SX640_SY412_.jpg
    During the filming of The Living Daylights, Dalton managed to catch up to a speeding Land Rover, thanks to the energy boost from his supersize coffee thermos.
  • MurdockMurdock The minus world
    Posts: 16,351
    No well dressed Dalton should be without one. ;)
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    edited December 2013 Posts: 12,480
    Timothy Dalton and Roger Moore had a recent Bonding experience, one they had not planned on. The new Japanese game show, "James Bomb" had lured the two celebrated former Bonds to take part it its debut episode. Dalton and Moore clearly misheard the name of the show. They blithely thought they were in Tokyo to be feted with all the fresh sushi and sake they could eat and drink, at a 007 convention. But once on stage, their dilemma quickly became clearer:
    Dalton: "What did that lovely Japanese schoolgirl just strap to my back, Rog?"
    Moore: "You really don't want to know. Look, I've got Sean on the phone. He's been here before, maybe he'll know what we should do ... Let me get his advice ..."
    Dalton: "Hurry up ... and say, that sumo wrestler seems to be heading your way with a ... a live octopus and - ohmygod, is that a cannon those two geishas are wheeling out next to you?!"
    Moore (unflappable to the end), "Hmmm. Sean said the press even followed him into the toilet when he was here and all he can say is 'good luck, laddies!' Great. I rather think it's time to exit, Tim ..."
    They look each other in the eye, then both at the exact same time sprint for the nearest window. Even while knowing they are several stories up in an elegant Japanese hotel, they know what to do. After all, they were Bond, James Bond. There was no hesitation. They finish their sprint with a jump and go feet first, crashing through the window, to the gasps of the crowd. Dalton and Moore grab the nearest curtain as they make their leap for freedom. The curtains rip slowly, giving this intrepid pair time to get their bearings. They dangle for about 3 seconds then let go ... right into the steaming portable hot tub that was being wheeled towards the lobby entrance by a team of ninjas.
    Moore (as they climb out and hail a taxi, both wet but glad to be alive): "Excellent reflexes as ever, Tim."
    Dalton: "Backatcha, Rog. You know, it's just like that new Moneypenny said ...'" (pregnant pause)
    Moore (in his most elegant drawl) "... which was ...?"
    Dalton (smiling at Moore as he unstraps the rocket and tosses it out the taxi window);
    "Old dog. New tricks." They both chuckle as the taxi races to the airport.

    Epilogue: The game show's first episode was a smash hit - but sadly, nothing could compete with that debut, and it was cancelled a few months later.


  • MrcogginsMrcoggins Following in the footsteps of Quentin Quigley.
    Posts: 3,144
    Tim as professor Potts in the remake of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang !
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Where are you? Why do you hide?
    Where is that moonlight trail that leads to your side?
    Just like Timothy Dalton jetpacks in search of his dream of gold,
    I search for love, for someone to have and hold,
    I've seen your smile in a thousand dreams,
    Felt your touch and it always seems,
    You love me,
    You love me.

    Where are you? When will we meet?
    Take my unfinished life and make it complete
    Just like Timothy Dalton knows
    His fuel will deplete someday
    I know that you are only a kiss away

    I've seen your smile in a thousand dreams,
    Felt your touch and it always seems,
    You love me,
    You love me.
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    It's been hard for Timothy Dalton ever since his Bond days. In order to maintain his persona in the spotlight, he's resorted to handing out free cups of coffee to his fans from his travel percolator.
  • SoundofthesinnersSoundofthesinners
    edited December 2013 Posts: 3,236
    Timothy Dalton's reaction was quite extreme when he learned Talisa Soto would be cast as Lady Macbeth opposite him in their new Broadway show.
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    During the press conference in 1994 where the producers presented Pierce Brosnan as the next James Bond, the police arrested a Welsh would-be suicide bomber in the lobby.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited December 2013 Posts: 14,568
    In a last minute attempt to salvage whatever he could from Die Another Day, Bond chained himself to Tamahori's CGI bullet in protest, preventing it from entering the enemy's gun barrel.
  • RogueAgentRogueAgent
    Posts: 12,526
    Sorry about the delay people. But here are the results!

    3rd place:
    4EverBonded wrote:
    Always a fan of Elton's song, "Rocket Man," Dalton signed on for this low budget B movie without actually reading the script. His first day in costume, he was beginning to regret this decision. Especially as he learned that he would not be singing that song in the film. (He secretly envied Pierce's singing in Mama Mia and dearly wanted his own chance to sing in a film.)

    2nd place:

    Murdock wrote:
    No well dressed Dalton should be without one. ;)

    And the winner is?!!!

    1st place:
    WillyGalore wrote:
    With a jet pack made of toilet rolls and tin foil, Tim was beginning to regret signing on for Kevin McClory's low budget second remake of Thunderball.

    Congratulations WillyGalore! With the recent long running saga that is Eon and McClory finally coming to an end? This did make me laugh a lot!

  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    Thank you so much @RogueAgent. I'm just off to bed now so I shall post a photo for the next round tomorrow. I'll try and come up with something better than my last couple of offerings :-)
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    edited December 2013 Posts: 6,396
    Next round. Good luck to all participants.

    Connery2WI_468x592.jpg

    EDIT: Thanks to @QBranch for pointing this one out. I think this round deserves a second photo

    the.church.of.sean.connerys.penis
  • 4EverBonded4EverBonded the Ballrooms of Mars
    edited December 2013 Posts: 12,480
    Oh, good heavens, Willy! This is hilarious, but I am a little dry at the moment. Hmm

    How about:

    The previously untold story of why DAF ended up being Sean's last film for the franchise (and what might have been) ~
    After Diamonds Are Forever, Cubby lassoed Sean one more time, saying he had a tantalizing new storyline for the very next Bond film. So they met at Cubby's home. Sean had heard rumors that his new Bond girl's acting was rather "wooden" - but when he found out that Cubby had meant that literally, he was more than a little perplexed.
    Cubby was the only one that was enthusiastic: "She's actually a petrified goddess from ancient Egypt, Sean. Adds a little mystery, no? Go on, give her a kiss!"
    Sean: "You give her a kissshhh, Cubby. This is all a bit too, er ... shtiff ... for me."
    Cubby: "Stiffness has never been a problem for you before, Sean."
    Sean promptly hit Cubby over the head with the sculpture, which broke in two, and Cubby ended up needing an ambulance. Sean just stalked off muttering, "Never again!"

  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,568
    haha there's another angle of this photo floating around that's looks all too phallic :))

    Standing so close to a statue around Oddjob was something Bond wood soon regret.
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    edited December 2013 Posts: 6,396
    Good spot @QBranch. I'll add that one too just for our amusement ;-)

  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    Posts: 14,568
    WillyGalore wrote:
    I'll add that one too just for our amusement ;-)
    You only link twice, Mr. Galore ;)
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    QBranch wrote:
    WillyGalore wrote:
    I'll add that one too just for our amusement ;-)
    You only link twice, Mr. Galore ;)

    :D
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,967
    Sean Connery steps out with his hot new bride.

    OR

    "Mr. Connery, it looks like you have some pretty big wood there!"
    "Huh? What are you shaying?"
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    edited December 2013 Posts: 28,694
    Female Interviewer: "Mr. Connery, may I ask you a question?"

    Sean: "What ish it, my darling?"

    Female Interviewer [pointing in his direction]: "What exactly is that there?"

    Sean: "Oh, thish? Well, thish here ish my long and hard morning wood, and the other ish thish wooden shtatue I just received from the folksh in the Carpentersh' Guild of Shcotland. Care to help polish one of them off backshtage?"
  • Samuel001Samuel001 Moderator
    Posts: 13,355
    You now know why Pussy Galore turned sides, even she couldn't resist that.
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    According to his critics at the press event, Sean's acting wasn't the only thing that was hollow.
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,967
    Reporter: "My my, Sean, you certainly have some big wood there."
    Sean: "Thank you, I jusht woke up."
    Reporter: "Oh...n-no, I was speaking of th-"
    Sean: "Now now, meet me in the reshtroom in five, before I change my mind, shweetie."
  • RogueAgentRogueAgent
    Posts: 12,526
    WillyGalore wrote:
    Next round. Good luck to all participants.

    Connery2WI_468x592.jpg

    EDIT: Thanks to @QBranch for pointing this one out. I think this round deserves a second photo

    the.church.of.sean.connerys.penis

    Pic 1: Alas poor Yorrick? I knew him well!
    Pic 2: Did I really say that? Wow? Now I feel like you look ya P***K!!!!! =))
  • ThunderfingerThunderfinger Das Boot Hill
    Posts: 45,489
    The museum guards tried to not make a scene when a clearly senile celebrity started molesting one of the exhibited items, claiming that it was she who had made a pass at him initially.
  • WillyGaloreWillyGalore
    Posts: 6,396
    Keep em coming folks. A wooden shaped phallic object. What's not funny about that? ;-)
  • Creasy47Creasy47 In Cuba with Natalya.Moderator
    Posts: 40,967
    "I shall call her...Shtacy."
  • 0BradyM0Bondfanatic70BradyM0Bondfanatic7 Quantum Floral Arrangements: "We Have Petals Everywhere"
    Posts: 28,694
    Sean: "She'sh the only woman I've ever met who hashn't talked back to me. I like the cut of her jib."
  • Samuel001Samuel001 Moderator
    Posts: 13,355
    Connery with his magic penis.
  • QBranchQBranch Always have an escape plan. Mine is watching James Bond films.
    edited December 2013 Posts: 14,568
    Photographer: "Hey Sean, you could call it 'Holly Woodhead'... and take it around the world one more time!" :))

    Connery (thinking to himself): I'm not taking this bloody thing anywhere. Not even back home.
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